** Hundred and Fifty Five **

this page has been open for almost 3hours.

empty.

that's how everything feels.

Day1: Party Poopper

i did ask myself why wasnt i as happy as everyone else when i finally finished my Chemistry paper3. SPM is over. but i wasnt celebrating. i forced out a scream of pretend joy. just so that no one knows. cuz if they ask. i wouldnt know what to answer them.

everyone was happy. i pretended.

i got into the black MyVi and my mum drove me home. for some reason i wasnt smiling like all the other SPMers that finally finished. then i got home. went up stairs and changed. my mum walked in.

i spent the next few hours crying. i took my shower and went for dinner.

i waited. until dinner was over. before i started crying again.

i called him. praying he wouldnt answer. so i wouldnt need to do it. then his voice rang on the other line. but when i opened my mouth to speak. nothing came out. nothing was okay. i didnt want to do this. i cried. again.

i tried to draw after that. maybe put off some emotion. i couldnt even start. i didnt even bother. so i put myself to sleep. i cried again.

Day2 : Struggling Smile

i woke up at 3 am. i remember. i checked my phone. i cried for another 2 hours before i finally went back to sleep.

i got up at 8. brushed my teeth. got dressed and went with Ramya to Midvalley. hoping it'd be a better day.

thank god LoveHappens was a bum show. the cinema was cold. i told myself i wouldnt cry today. told myself i'd be strong and hold on to what left of me.

we went to Kenny Rodger's for lunch. i didnt feel like eating. though i was hungry. Ramya made me eat anyway. though i couldnt stomach anything. i felt like crap. i broke down again. teared a bit there. then Theeviyah cried. cuz i cried. cuz she's never seen me like this.

they celebrated Ramya Marie and My birthday.

it was fun. a day out with my friends. i laughed and smiled when i thought i couldnt. but it hurt when i walked through MidValley. i almost broke down again. cuz Ramya and I were sitting. resting. and in front of us they were feeding each other yogurt.

Ramya was busy claiming the guys were checking me out. they're just looking at my camera okay.

so i went home. pretty contented with the day.

then mum came. asked for his number and full name. and ordered to see my call log and inbox. fine i showed her. i was reluctant. i told her a thousand times. HE WILL NOT DO ANYTHING ELSE TO ME ANYMORE!!!! and yet the both of them kept coming back. putting more salt to the wound.

i didnt give her his full name. not that i wanted to.

and i thought i wouldnt need to cry that day.

i cried in the shower.

then i was painting my nails. my dad walked in. my mum probably went and told my dad i didnt let her check my phone. so he took my phone and started going through my inbox and my call log.

LOOK. YOU GUYS TOLD ME NOT TO CONTACT HIM ANYMORE AND THAT WHAT I DID OKAY!!! WOULD YOU GUYS JUST GET OFF MY BACK FOR ONCE. I'M TRYING TO PUT THIS BEHIND ME. I'M TRYING TO HEAL THE PAIN. AND NOT OF YOU ARE HELPING. WHAT?! YOU PEOPLE THINK I'M HAPPY I HAD TO DO SUCH A THING?! BECAUSE YOU ARE MY PARENTS AND I HAD TO OBLIGE. BECAUSE YOU THREATEN TO TAKE AWAY MY PHONE. BECAUSE I AM YOUR DAUGTHER. FINE YOU'RE PROTECTING ME. I GET IT. DONT NEED TO KEEP REPEATING IT. FINE YOU ALL CARE AND LOVE ME. FINE. I GET IT. DONT NEED TO KEEP PUSHING IT.

i cried again that night.

Day3: Smiling Outside No Longer Helps

i woke up today. my nails had a whole bunch of air bubbles in it. so i had to redo them.

then i sat here. typing out this blog post. i cried.

i know crying doesnt bring back anything. but crying helps.

i guess i need to find that mask i put away again.

i cannot do this anymore.

everything hurts.

and honestly. i am not okay.

** HUndred and Fifty Four **

you flick the switch. dump yourself on the couch. grab the remote on the way and place pressure on the infamous red button as you fall. the black screen in front of you comes alive.

"...And for today's weather forecast..."

you roll your eyes. wondering who in the world was the person before you. of all the useless channels in the programme they had to choose to watch the weather forecast. you press the info. hoping to find something worthwhile to watch as the lady in the screen continues.

"...sunny..."

then you watch her hold her left ear. or was it her right.

"...Excuse me..."

you stare at the screen wondering what the hell was going on. all the sudden the weather forecast was interesting. the lady cleared her throat and started again.

"...Today's weather forecast is cloudy with a bit of sun shine..."

your face changed. what?! how could it be cloudy with a bit of sun shine. make up your mind news lady and th weather forecast people. it can only be cloudy or sun shine. how can it be a bit of both.

frustrated. you turn off the screen. leave the place. your feet brings you to the silent darkness of the kitchen floor. you pull open the door. the light goes on. the cool air gushes out. nothing in the freezer. you slam it shut and move the the lower door. you pull the door open. the light goes on. you feel a slight tinge of coolness in your face. you spot a packet drink. you grab it and shut the door behind you. the cold surface lingers on you finger tips as you exit the kitchen. you stopped. stared at the packet.

"...Less Sugar..."

why. you ask. all these "less sugar" crap was made and is made for people who have problems controlling their need for sugar that they take too much and now its all in their blood. you ignore the print. yank out the straw. push it through the plastic. bend it to a ninety degrees and stabbed it into the designated hole. the cold liquid enters your mouth. you feel the solution slowly travelling down your throat. there is sweetness.

you check the packet.

"...Less Sugar..."

you take another sip. it taste the same as the original ones without the print of "less sugar" on them. you gulp down the last drops of the drink and toss it into the bin. so much for "less sugar".

the house is empty. you check the sky. cloudy. you shrug and figured it was cloudy and not sun shine. the weather people just say both to nake sure people cant say they're wrong. you stare into the sky. hoping the clouds turn grey. hoping the heavens shower upon you. hoping it would wash away everything. everything.

you turn the knob and pull. the door creaks. you swing the door close behind you. the door creaks again. you spot your phone on the bed. you spot the comfort of just lying there doing nothing. closing your eyes. forgetting everything. everything. and never have to open again. you sit at your table. staring at your shelves. you push away the curtains. cloudy. theres that silence. you find yourself sitting the dark abyss of dead silence. all you need is a couple of tombstones and some wondering ghosts.

you picked up your phone. flick it open. the screen lights up. you snap it close. toss it on your bed. you follow along soon after. now you stare at the ceiling. not white. grey. and deep grey. you hated the nothingness you stared at. you sigh. and let out more than the usual amount of carbon dioxide into the air. you reach for your phone again. flick it open. snap it close. obviously you are expecting something. irritated. you dump your phone aside. close your eyes. and hope to never open them again.

you feel a slight vibration. the tune you set to ring breaks the silence you grew numb to. you open your eyes. flick your phone open. you have a new text message. you press view.

"...Dinner..."

you snap your phone and dump your phone again. twist the knob. pull open the door. it creaks and you shut it behind you. travel down the stairs. you go through the motion. wondering why everyone else feels different. it was like, they gave out an aura of the night fireworks at Disney Land and you gave out an aura of a meeting of math geeks doing nothing but math. you take spoon after spoon of food and shove it in your mouth. chews. and swallows it down. you finish everything and take your plate. dump it into the sink. take half a glass of water. and leave.

you sigh as you enter you room. turned on the lights.

you travel down. turn on the computer. hear it buzz to life.

after half an hour you were smiling. you dont know why. but...

"...Today's weather forecast is cloudy with a little bit of sun shine..."

** Hundred and Fifty Three **

"...you've only got 86400 seconds in a day to turn it all around..."

god i dont even know what to type. somehow the closer it gets to SPM the further i am away from my books. day in day out i try to cramp things into my brain. honestly it doesnt work. so i'm stuck praying something i know comes out. i spent my morning stdying for a bit and then i started camwhoring again. i am in no position to draw. time like this when i jus want to fall asleep and never wake up. close my eyes and never open them. catch my breath and never exhale. lay static on the cold marble floor.

its amazing how i'm finishing school. how 11 years just flew by. how SPM is just few days away. how time flies. thank you for all the birthday wishes and staying up to wish me. somehow this feels like the worst birthday i've ever had. not because i didnt get to celebrate it. i sorta did with my family. not because i lack of presents. i dont really mind the presents. not because my friends arent around.

this is the one birthday. i wasn't laughing. i couldnt smile.

i cried. and slept.

and asked god why did he give me another day to live.

i wasn't sleeping at 12.30. for some whose phone call i didnt pick up.

my nose was clogged and i couldnt speak.

sorry.

well i sang myself a birthday song before breaking down.

no actually i broke down halfway.

blew my imaginary cake.

went to sleep.

i guess i'll try to force my other half to study. i'm talking to myself more and more often now. its like...

"study rachel"
"tired la.."
"cannot tired all..SPM coming.."
"later la...lemme rest first..."
"you wanna fail your SPM issit?!?!"
"no...i sleep for half and hour only...den i wake up study..."
"fine..fine..half an hour.."
[2hours later]
"shit..."
"half an hour eh?!"
"my bad..."
"study now..."
"shower la.."
[after shower, dinner]
"uhhh..."
"study now!!!"
"let the food digest first la..."
"studying doesn't affect digestion..."
"aiya...chill la..."
"what chill SPM coming la..."
"Fine fine!! Study!!"
[i study for 2hours]
"sleepy..."
"OI!!!"
"i tired ade la...need to sleep"
"study la you...whole day wasted..."
"i study tomorrow la..."
[i sleep]

so practically i'm fighting with myself everyday.

honestly i dont think i'm sane anymore.

shesh.

i'm hungry.

so much for a "happy" birthday.

** Hundred and Fifty Two **

i feel so irritated with my trials results. everything is a bit more to another grade. its so freaking irritating. and it's not like my A1's are any high as well. i think all my marks dropped.

dont say its cuz i didnt study. i did.

how the hell am i upposed to apply for ANYTHING with results like this. i have like two B3 four A1 three A2. i think. and i havent got back my sejarah.

oh pray hard i touch A2.

well i've got to start studying. and i have started i think. well im trying to start...xD

i feel like dying...

** Hundred andFifty One **

i realize i need to update the lame book contents. it's reaching five pages long damn it.
brace yourselves.


Ramya: A popular formula.
Kong: A pope in a formula?!?!

Josephine: The curtain was hitting my head.
Ramya//Joanna: The curtain was sitting on your head?!
Theeviyah: The turtle?!?!

Ramya: Syarifah gimme a hug.
Theeviyah: What?! Gimme a fart?!

Lavania: Don't litter on me!!
Ramya: Uterine skin?!

Lavania: Sekolah rendah.
Umi: Gorilla?!?!

Kong: Pn. Suria
Theeviyah: Zuria?!
Kong: Kunia?!
Theeviyah: Zudia?!

Kong: Vermin
Theeviyah: Mermaid?!

Syarifah: *holds a scissors* Ramya! Ramya! I'm cutting air!!

[chem class]
Kong: Yellow pages. *flips Pelangi book* I think i'll call potassium tonight.

[chem class]
Pn. Grace: We have gold ring, gold plated ring...
Joanna: ...Gold fish.

Joanna: If you wanna buy expensive things it'll cost a bomb. if you wanna buy cheap things it'll cost a fart.

Theeviyah: Lava, i feel your kemaluan.

Bowie: How old is she ah?
Theeviyah: Shane?!?

Umi: How old is Theeviyah? 16 or 17 years old?
Syarifah: 150 years old.
Lavania: Chicken and peas in a bowl?!

Syarifah: She fels too much kemaluan ade.
Lavania: She ate too much tomatoes?!

Kong: *cuts theeviyah's hair*
Theeviyah: What's this?!
Kong: Eyelashes.
Theeviyah: What eyelash dropping?! Eyelash dropping season issit?!

Joanna: Just now we were looking at the sun. Then, a man walked by.
Pn. Judy: On the sun?!?!

Ramya: Choose.
Pn. Judy: Shoes?!
Theeviyah: Jews?!

[Bm class]
Kong: so if i play around your grandfather's grave i'll vomit grass.

Ramya: Theeviyah, pass me the book.
Theeviyah: Do i look like a salt bridge to you?!

Kong: i drank wheatgrass yesterday.
Ramya: what?! milk grass?!

Lavania: Manila. The place they make vanilla.
Syarifah: So manila card is from there.

[sejarah class]
Pn. Pari: Pro and Con.
Kong: Pro-aircond?!

Michelle: Toyol. Cousin of Toyota.

Syarifah: Orang minyak. The person who works at the petrol station.
Michelle: We're all orang minyak. See we produce oil. *squeezes nose*

JOanna: Don't spit!
Ramya: Capati?!

Joanna: Gimme that eraser NOW!!! *asking for duster*

Theeviyah: I have to challenge my brain with a sword.

Shangeeth: Liquid tone.
Ramya//KOng: Liquid Toad?!

Shangeeth: Wipe the whiteboard. No. No. No. Wipe the clean board. No. No. No. Clean the whiteboard.

[bio class]
Theeviyah: OH shit! Oh shit! she gonna check! How! *panics* Put in the sink! Put in the sink! *dumps her book in the sink*
Ramya//Kong: Yeah yeah as if she cannot see la Theeviyah.
Theeviyah: It's not my book. My name's not on it. *take her book* Oh SHIT! Its there!

JOanna: Your sister looka like you from the back. Just that she's shorter and you're longer.

Syarifah: Related.
Theeviyah: Naked?!
Joanna: Nathan?!

Sarah: Hantar bila.
Lavania: Ikan Bilis?!
Amirah: Amylase?!

Shangeeth: Membership.
Ramya: bird shit?!

Michelle: He's like my second boyfriend.
Theeviyah: Fallopian Tube?!

Syarifah: I love naga terbang. [dragonfly]

Rumput berlompat = Grasshopper

Ramya: Make love to the lab assistant.
Kamilia: Liebig?!
KOng: Diversity?!?

Shangeeth: if the water bag burst then how ah?!
Ramya: Water will come out la.
Theeviyah: Then what. Grape juice issit?!

Shangeeth: Nicely leaveing the key outside.
Ramya: What key?!
Kong: When you unlock the class la!!
Ramya: Since when?!?!
KOng: JUST NOW LA!!!
Ramya: Oh..

Pn. Judy: Birds perch on my window.
JOanna: Purge?! As in cirit-birit?!

Bowie: Waste paper.
Kong: Basket!!

Dudu: Your hand so small.
Dhila: Like a microorganism.

Theeviyah: Sejarah Hidup.
Lavania: Telescope?!
Theeviyah: Periscope?!

JOanna: She hit people very pain.
Ramya: She wear purple very pain?!

Syarifah: I'm just waiting for the moment.
Kong: Waiting for the roman empire?!

Ramya: donated a sperm.
Kong: What a sperm?! You wanna go and ask "who's michael Phelps put up ur tail?!"

JOanna: MOst people from Perak can Speak the Chinese Language.
Syarifah: My mother also can...She speak Char Kuey Tiao.

Ramya: Someone said my darling...
Theeviyah: Someone called my garlic?!

[bio class]
Pn. Chieng: Who has the sex chromosome Y?
KOng: Who has the sex chromosome's wife?!



and the cherry on top of the sundae

NEW CARTOON REGALITY POTRUSION BEST FRIEND

** Hundred and Fifty **

spent a few hours editting my blog skin again.

and the intenet's getting on my nerves damn it.

well i'm gonna start studying next month. seriously. i dont know how many times have i actually said that but have never actually put myself to do it. it's one more month before SPM. just a final hurdle and then i'll sit for SPM. after that i do not know what's going to happen to me.

whatever it is.

spent my day at IKEA today. while my sister hung out at 1U with her friends. i kept taking all the pencils. i cant help it. i like free stuff. and i took exactly 17 pencils. how cool is that. for those who have NEVER shopped at IKEA. you have to jot down what you wnat to buy and collect them yourself later. so my parents did that. then i was dragging out the boxes and stuff. it's not like i was struggling to do so. doesn't mean i'm a girl i can do heavy work you know. what do i look like some spoilt brat who has never done a day of work in her life.

MSN is giving me frustration. cant even blooody connect to the webcam.

what the fuck is wrong with you msn.

and then my sister was pissed cuz i called to to come early. when she could've stayed a few more minutes with her friends. hello. dad ask me to call so i call. then i tell her that we're waiting for her. and she hung up then only dad said 15minutes later la. so she came and my dad told her she could've stayed 15 minutes more. and she got pissed. cuz i called her back early. then in the car she stole one of my IKEA pencils. so i told her to give it back and she did. so i grabbed it. and stabbed her with the other 16pencils so that she'd let go.

there was blood.

skipped dance class today. went to had fook keen mee and "lala". ended up feeding the mosquitoes along the way. the bloody bitch bit my toe damn it. do you know how hard it is to scratch there?!

that useless bitch.

owh well...i guess i'd hit the hay after this post...

it's almost 2.

and sadly i have tuition tomorrow.

**Hundred and Fourty Nine**

tick tock. time's against me now.

SPM's in a month's plus time and i proud to say I AM NOT PREPARED.

somehow i just wished i could stay in school. yeah maybe the load of homework sucks and how the teachers tend to be bitches at times. and the worst case is where we'd have to get up early. drag ourselves out of bed and go to school.

i hate making decisions.

and right now i HAVE to make decisions. and honestly i do not know what to do. what to think. so dad wants me to do Form6. and my "awesome" mother just signed me up for some kerajaan marticulation programme. and if i do get it...i'm gonna be sent away. gosh i sound so dead blogging today.

honestly i feel really messed up right now.
so mum thinks i talk differently from how i act. or whatever she means. i do not understand. its not i dont care. its i dont want to care. i dont want to give a damn what the world has instored. i dont want to give a damn what anyone thinks. i dont want to give a damn anymore.

i'm so sick and tired of giving everyone a damn.

SHUT UP STUPID PLAYER!!!! sorry...i'm going nuts...

well i screwed up my trials if that's what you're asking. surprisingly i got LOWEST for Physics paper3. when i saw the paper i was like WTF. i got like 2/10 for my experiment. 2/10. i was expecting my bio to be the lowest.

chemistry is saved thanks to Pn Grace's teaching *bows*

i dont feel like going back to school. and get back all my papers. and see how badly i did. heck if i cant even get through trials how the fuck am i gonna get through SPM. and no doubt for the next month or so everyone is gonna bug me about SPM. of how SPM is coming and how SPM determines my future. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

puhleeezeee...tell it to someone who doesnt know.

i think this is the millionth time i've said i'd go and study.

honestly i haven't been studying. except for the last minute cramping.


i dont know why. everything feels so messed up right now. i just want to crawl back into my burrow and stay there. i dont care how long it takes for the storm to pass.

i dont want to dance in the rain.

** Hundred and Fourty Eight **

i've been staring at this empty box for hours.

i have no idea what to blog.

the past few days my room stunk. not because of me. some stupid rat died in the roof above my room. so the stench traveled down into my room. which obviously stunk like hell. have you ever smelled dead rat?! it stunk so bad merely opening the door would make you feel like puking. so i had to go into my room and get my stuff and sleep in my parent's room last night. my room stil stinks a bit. not as bad. sure it'd die off soon.

i had no idea climbing a ladder was so darn scary.

well i wont be bloging much anymore. there's 2 more months before SPM. after that i'd be online 24 7. for now i've got to study...

cheh...
easier said than done...

** Hundred and Forty Seven **

THE HELL WITH ME

FUCK THIS SHIT

** HUndred and Forty Six **

just came back from shopping at Giant. i'd figured i'd blog since it's been forever since i've done so. maybe it's me who hasn't gone grocery shopping in a while but i got frustrated today.

first of all the place was PACKED. like sardine can PACKED!!!

so i push the trolley and my mother goes and do her shopping. i tell you i think everyone pushed the trolley the same way they drive and walk. half the people just stand there and think their some microorganism or something when they're actually like some bull dog elephant hippo. so i like had to say "excuse me" ten thousand times or they wont move their asses. i tell you if i do drive the way i push the trolley i'd be honking at everyone and anyone on the road. i think i'd even crash into other ppl. cuz up to a point i got so frustrated i just simply pushed the trolley irregardless of whether i hit someone's leg or ass or trolley or whatever.

shesh...

irritating...

** Hundred and Fourty Five **

came down with a fever on saturday. whole body was aching. could barely stand on my own two feet. then the splitting headache came. went to see the doctor. got medication. lost the will to eat. took my medication. hated it. slept the entire day today. only waking up to eat my pills. my nose was running like a lose tap. at least my fever's almost gone.

go figure.

long story short.

i'm sick.

**Hundred and Fourty Four**

I fell today. Trying to squeeze Theeviyah to the door. Slippery floor. Frictionless shoes. And a stupid act. I fell in front of class. Got back up and started laughing. I can't load the picture here with my dad's phone. So the picture's on my facebook page. Whoever wants to see how hard I fell. Search my full name and look for my all famous face. I need to catch up on my physics. I miss my tuition classes and the teacher in schol does give a damn. All she wants to do is finish the syllabus. So I have to do self studying. Gosh. Time to study. I have one month to buck up before my trials. So those seeking me on msn or yahoo I won't be around unless I need to. If it's really urgent like ur gonna die in five seconds then okay. Or else don't bother me.

** Hundred and Fourty Three **

i know i've been neglectig my blog. even if i were to blog everyday i'd be saying almost the same things.

i need to start studying.

____________________________________________________________________________________

we were in maths class and [T] said, "sin cos tan." and [L] from the other end of the class exclaimed, "sign contract?!"

Homophone. [K] said, "Homofolk?!" [R] said, "Fomoholk?!"

i was yawning like nobody's business that day so [K] said to [R], "I'm yawning." and [R] went, "Johnny?!"

we were in class doing duty. as usual [T] is screaming like some aunty, "Push Slightly! like a lady!" then [K] said,"Ladies don't susun meja!" [T] said, "Then what are we?! Terminator?!?"

we were getting up from the benches after eating to go for practise. i got up with my sketch book in my hand and accidentally swung and hit [M]'s chest and she exclaimed, "Ouch! My Butt!"

i don't know what was happening but [R] said to dudu, "Move your leg! Chicken leg!"

[T] was singing, "Vai know you vant vee." (i know u want me)

[R] was doing duty. [T] asked her to throw the rubbish but she didn't want to. [R] did anyway and left the dustbin on top of the bigger dustbin and said, "Class report. Dustbin di atas dustbin."

it was add maths class. Pn. Chan was teaching trigo and said, "2pai(π)" and [K] happily excliamed, "Squirrel!!"
then we were drawing the tangent graph and [S] said, "Who drew near the air kentut?!" (acentode)

[R] sang, "1-300.." [K] continued, "Squirrel, squirrel!" [T] added, "Nut Mac Special Delivery!"

[T] was asking for graph paper from [S] and [S] scolded, "Does my face look like some graph paper man to you?!"

[T] said during class, "My heart was laughing inside."

[T] went, "UHH!! UH!! UHH!" (monkey sound) and [SH] went, "Why you giving your native sound all?!?" then [S] said, "Babboon in the shower!" and [T] responded, "UH! UH!! UHHH! SOAP!! UH! UHH! UHHH!! SOAP!!"

we were making noise in class and [L] said, "EH! don't make noise! Public!" and [K] said, "What?! Bubbling?!"

[M] said, "Different colour." and [T] exclaimed, "Fertile colour?!?!"

we were on our way back from the canteen and [T] asked, "Did you watch 10 000 B.C.?!" and [L] exclaimed, "Plankton's house is missing?!?!"

we were packing up out stuff to go home and [T] said to [R], "Ramya, the yellow train is gonna come out." and we just stood there and continued talking and [K] asked, "I tought the yellow train was going to come out?!" and [T] said, "It went back into the terminal."

[L] said, "later Pn Chan said i nyanyuk." and [Jo] said, "Pn Chan gonna play piano?!?"

[K] said, "Premutation." [T] exclaimed, "Pre-omelette-tation?!"

we were in sejarah class and [S] said, "Lee Kuan Yew." [K] said, "ikan yu?!"

[R] was singing in class, "Why'd you have to take my loveee..." then [S] said, "I didnt take your Michael." and [T] contributed some more, "Huh?! Somebody wants to cycle?!"

it was maths class so the teacher said "Greenwich Meridian." and [R] looked at me and said, "Green DIsh Meridian?!?"

i banged my head on my table and [R] said, "She's blob...eh...no...BOB"(from monsters vs aliens)

Umi wanted to pay school fees so she said, "School fees." then [K] said, "Snow peas?!" and [T] another one, "Sushi?!"

then i was doing my work during class and finished so [K] exclaimed, "Teacher, i finito!!" and [T] said, "What?! Your cornetto?!"

Pn Judy was in class and said, "That can wait." [M] said, "Black and red?!" [R] added, "Black and head?!"

[R] was singing in class again and Andrea said, "Ramya you're spoiling the song." and [R] replied, "If i wanna spoil or coil or pour oil and make cincau, why do you care?!?!" and [T] exclaimed, "Then it'll be OIL CAU!!"

[T]:Noise source.
[R]:Noise sauce?!?
[T]:Yeah. The cousin of soy sauce.

some girl came into class calling some girls so she read from the paper, "Umi...ah...Uma..." then [S] said, "We have a new student in our class, UMA! relative of puma." and [T] said, "Uppuma?!" and [K] said, "Kurma?!"

[K]:Yellow train
[T]:Yellow shit?!
[K]:Yea. My shit got sulphur for you la...
[T]:Yea. maybe it's a mixture of tweety.

[L] exclaimed during class, "Winter in Melbourne." and [R] looked at me and said, "We'll turn into turbans?!?!" and [T] went, "Who hang curtain?!"

i ate pedas today and was laughing so hard it hurts so [K] told [T]," Shut up la. i'm gonna vomit out my pedas!!" and [T] said, "Peanuts?!"

Pn Ong was teaching today and she said, "(b) how?" and [R] looked at [K] and the both of us exclaimed, "Pu Yau?!"

[T]:I was sitting on the sofa...
[Jo]: Stove-fa?!
[T]:What?! There's a stove in the sofa?!
[R]: Yeah. then when you sit one it, it'll be like...fuuussshhhh!!!
[T]: Like some jacuzzi. JAKUTA!!

_________________________________________________________________________________

now i need to rush to do my homework.
oh almost forgot

[T] = theeviyah
[L] = lavania
[R] = ramya
[K] = kong (me)
[Jo] = joanna
[S] = syarifah
[Sh] = shangeeth

** Hundred and Fourty Two **

THIS IS THE LINE
____________________________

AND YOU'VE CROSSED IT

honestly i am VERY ticked with my school. and i personally am VERY DISAPPOINTED with my class.

we had drama practise today. signed and confirmed. in black and white. we had first 3periods of add maths. Pn. Chan took the first Pj period as well. so Josephine showed her the permission slip and it was so OBVIOUS she was UNHAPPY with it. "Go la. It's signed already. I can't do anything about it." we took our stuff and went down to practise.

i don't understand WHY was she so irritated with us going out. it's not like we LOVVVEEEEE to skip add maths. and she claims its "VERY HARD" to get the Pj period for add maths. Miss Boey was opening the period for ALL SUBJECT TEACHERS WHO NEEDED THE PERIOD. and asking was very hard?! is it Pn Chan?!?! and Pn Chan was pin pointing LAVA throughout the ENTIRE CLASS. bombarding her. just because she was the only one in class, amongst those that were active cause most of us were in the drama. and Shangeeth wasn't there. LAVA sat somewhere in front and she just kept going on and on at her. she asked rethorical questions and expects LAVA to say the answer she expects. Pn Chan asked LAVA, "Don't you find your class mates very proud?!" and LAVA said, "No." who are you to judge whether we're proud or not Pn Chan. You're not god to be the judge of our character. have you seen yourself in the mirror?! maybe i should get yoou one for your birthday since maybe the one you have is broken. then Pn Chan went, "Don't you feel like you're in groups when you're in clas?! unlike other classes." in groups?! IN GROUPS?! 4Sc1[2008] was the MOST UNITED CLASS in the history of united classes. what do you mean in groups. wrong move Pn Chan. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. COMPARE US WITH THE OTHER CLASSES. NEVER. i don't understand why all teachers have to do this. compare. compare. compare. during P&P, Pn Chan went, "Okay, answer anyone?! except for LAVA cuz her heart is with them downstairs." what is your problem Pn Chan. not happy with us going for drama go tell Pn Ng or something la. don't fucking pin point on LAVA. and just because the rest of the GROUP1 elements aren't there, doesn't mean you can pick on the one that's left. excuse me Pn Chan. give me ONE VALID reason, WHY we had to thank you for letting us go?! even if you didnt let us go, we would've went. WE HAD PERMISSION FOR THE HIGHER AUTHORITY. why the fuck would we even think of saying thank you and when all you said when Josephine showed you the slip was, "Go la. It's signed already. I can't do anything about it." what do you want us to say Pn Chan?! Thank you for letting us go against your will?!?! if you haven't notice Pn Chan, you've just UNLEASH MONTHS of wound up emotions on one girl. and you had to pick the perfect time to do it. you just had to fucking do it didn't you?!?! and you call us rude. Pn Chan asked, "LAVA, why you didn't join the drama girls? you wanted to join right?!" seriously Pn Chan. i would've shouted at you even if it meant throwing me out of school and demeriting our class and whatever bullshit the school's going to do to me. you were being unreasonable to LAVA. you were being unreasonable to us. i got to hand it to you. YES. we are noisy and playful. since when were we ever RUDE. LAVA was just encouraging Shangeeth cuz she couldn't do the question, "remember the song Miss Goh taught us?!" then Pn Chan overheard, "What. Are you going to sing in class?" personally. what the fuck is wrong with you and singing?!? it's not like we're tone deft or something. we sing nice songs okay. and she made LAVA sing the song Miss Goh taught us when we were in Form3. and made a statement, "Ya. Maybe i should sing that song before i enter your class." seriously Pn Chan. i don't mean to be rude. but do you have to do such a thing?! was it really neccessary to go all out and bombard all of us.


and what hurts me the most is NONE OF YOU SAID ANYTHING. all you guys did was sit there and let LAVA take the beating. i tell you, FATIN and HANANI you two better fuck off. go jump off a building. before i do something far worst to you two. you know what they said?!! they said, "Memang pun. Group depan tu memang selalu over." you wanna piece of me bitches!! just because you dumb retards cannot speak don't need to take it out on those that ACTUALLY SPEAK UP. heck you can get all the A1's you want biotches. lets see how you do when it comes to the interview. i don't understand. what's wrong with speaking up?! HELLLOOOOO PN CHAN WAS DISSING OUR CLASS. DO SOMETHING!

you know. if you didn't like us making so much noise in class. you could always tell us. its not like we'll beat you up. instead of saying things as if shooing us away.

well. in this case, "us" no longer reffers to all 34 of us.

so this marks the date where ZAMAN KERUNTUHAN KAMPUNG SEMANGAT starts.

FUCK YOU SCHOOL

the only thing i can do now.
is hope that this crumpled up paper can be perfect again.

** Hundred and Fourty One **

i'm frustrated.
i was rude and i didn't even know about it.

shesh.

whatever.

___________________________________________________________________________________

ever held a knife
while helping in the kitchen
and wanted to chop off ur hand
ever watched cars
pass you by
and wanted to cross directly in it's path
ever walked pass a repair shop
and wondered what it's like
to connect yourself to the car batteries
ever stared at the thunderstorm outside
and glance down to the pool below
thinking of jumping in for a swim
ever stared at the main switch
with your hand drenched
and wanted to switch it on

i...
no brainer rachel...
do...

___________________________________________________________________________________

DAMNATION!!! I'M GOING INSANE!!!!

** Hundred and Fourty **

okay. i've got two pages of lameness filled again. xD

i needed paper. so i turn to theeviyah and said, "Give me paper." and theeviyah went,"Liquid paper?!" so i repeated myself, "Give me paper." and theeviyah is some deft pig went and said,"Clipping paper?!?"

Lavania was immitating russell peters, "I would like to buy your couch." and theeviyah said, "cowshit?!?!"

ok. we were talking bout possible form4 head prefects. not like there were any. then i said, "What. They're gonna pick her. She's like one GIGANT."

Syarifah created an brand new iPod. iPod Durian.
and Theeviyah created iPod H2S [hydrogen sulphide aka fart].

we were bored in class so Theeviyah, Syarifah and I, we decided to play BINGO. so we call our numbers by turns and out of no where. less than 1 minute Syarifah yelled BINGO!!! so Theeviyah and I were like, "What the hell...why so fast..." and Syarifah proudly explained. she showed she crossed five numbers that made a line and said, "There, Bingo..."

we were having some discussion. i dunno what it was. it was a lame one. so Joanna goes, "I'm Jamal Malik,. Slum Cat." and Syarifah continued, "Yeah but you're not a millionaire. You're a centaire." and then Umi overheard and she exclaimed,"What?! sanitac?!"

It was Pn. Parimalah's class and she was dicussing the excercise she gave. she asked to show the last page of the excercise book so we all held up our books. and i heard Bowie singing, "Bendera berkibar di angkasa~" then Amirah was showing she book kinda diagonally. and Pn Parimallah asked, "Ada cikgu baru ke?!?"

we were having sejarah class. and so happen Rosli Dhobi stabs Duncan Stewart. so i have this thought and i told Ramya, "Put Duncan Stewart in the machine and put in fifty cents and tikam him."

Lava was jumping about during class. i don't know why. she just was. and Pn. Parimalah asked,"Why you jumping like cockroach kena shieldtox?"

Ramya was having extreme period pain. she was screaming and mumbling the whole day. during class she really got frustrated and threw her pen,"Okay! I'm not gonna copy!" and Theeviyah went, "Her uterus is saying "don't copy! or i'll contract!" ."

Ramya peeled off pieces of wood from the lab chair. and she broke them into tiny pieces and was poking me with them. "Pain or not....Pain or not..." then she got tongue tied, "Pine or not..." then i laughed, "Hahaha...fun or not?!" then she was poking my knee so i told her, "Ticklish." and that whole 'alamelu' issue returned. Theeviyah went, "Who's Fuddleish?! what's fuddleish?! you said fuddleish right?!?!"

it was chemistry class and we were talking about byproducts. and Ramya went, "the products that are bisexual." then we were at magerine and planta and Theeviyah and Ramya started converting everyone's names into planta. Theeviyanta, Shangeenta, Ramyanta, Michienta, Kongta. we were at the rubber chapter so somewhere between class ramya said to me "Condoms." and i exclaimed, "Corn dogs?!?!"

after Bio class theeviyah came to ramya and she was like sweeping ramya's butt. so ramya went, "What's this?!" and theeviyah explained herself,"Applying butter." so we went eeeeeeeee...and then on our way back to class theeviyah got mixed up with jam and peanut butter&jelly and said, "Japina Jelly."

JUST TO IRRITATE THEEVIYAH

di mana dia
David Archuleta
David archuleta
di mangkuk tandas saya
dia pondan
dia hodoh
dia macam budak kecil perempuan

_____________________________________________________________________________________

shit i forgot what i wanted to blog about...
wait lemme think...

well i had taekwondo today. i don't feel so shitty anymore at least. but now i'm getting sick and tired or doing the same old thing. well, master says i should take my grading in august. and get my 2nd Dan [ black belt II ]. but i dont want to take my grading alone. do you know how much tension builds up even taking it in a group?!?! and now i'm gonna be taking it ALONE. which i'm scared. cuz the guy would be watching me and only me and i can't even hide my screw ups. so yes i am scared taking it alone.

OH! OH! OH! HOW COULD I FORGET!!!

4SC1 LOST!

HOOK LINE AND SINKER!

THEY FUCKING LOST!

NOT EVEN TOP 3!!

hell no. you all don't go around gloating WE [5Sc1-ers] did not help you.

were you listening when we told you to work on your facial?! how can you smile and talk about death?! were you aware how DEAD your script was and the fact that it was similiar to the other school?!?! were you listening when we told you your tonality is all the same and there needs to be variation?!?! even a little humour wouldn't hurt you know?! it's not impossible you know?!?!
NO. you didnt listen.
NO. you were too proud.
NO. you were over confident.
NO. YOU DID NOT WIN.

don't blame us for not helping you. you did not want our help.

besides you had teachers to help you. when WE didn't. they all decided to come LAST MINUTE when WE were choral speaking. WE wrote our own script. added like 3 PAGES MORE. We did intonation, articulate, innouciate on our own. We were willing to spare time to STAY BACK and practise. WE took HOLIDAYS to come to my house to PRACTISE even if there was only HALF OF US.

MORE IMPORTANTLY.

WE HAD THE URGE.
ALL OF US.
TO WIN.

YOU DIDN'T.

look who's having the last laugh now FOUR SCIENCE ONE!!!

HA
HA
HA

** Hundred and Thirty Nine **

stupid school. stupid teachers. stupid rules.

i don't mean to complain. but it's sometimes just down right stupid. my hair right now is like not so long and not so short but its over the collar. so by law i have to tie. even if it's only a 5cm long tail. and my bangs end up dangling. it's not like my hair is all bushed up like some afro style or something. it's neat . even my fringe is not falling all over my face. if my hair was extremely messy i would understand.

the school is such a biatch.

i think she loves me or something. by sheer luck she'd just bump into me. like today. my hair's tied up. ribbon tied. extra piercings off. bangs behind my ears. fringe to the side. just that my bangs sometimes slide to the front so i have to contantly push them back. just so happen i was walking this way and she was walking that way and our paths cross.

so she caught me for the second time. and asked me why i was out of class without a pass. hello lady!!! did u not see me walking with my class teacher there?!?! are you blind?!?! so i told her i was following my teacher to the hall. i guess she didnt hear me cuz she insisted i get back to class. then she threaten to tell and get me fired. i'm ending my school year already. does that matter?!?! so yeah she ask me to pin up like all the blody teachers here do.

i told her i'd get the pins from some prefect. heck. it be down right stupid if i pulled out pins from my pocket and my hair isn't pinned. and that'll just add to the lecture. and the bloody lady give me 5 minutes to get down to the hall and up three floors to show her. WOW. i went down the stairs. screw her. screw her. screw her. screw her. pinned my hair on the second floor and walked back up. showed her. and she asked me what class i was so i told her. and she just accused me for being the one who contributed the demerit to my class. for your information, i have NEVER gotten a demerit this year. so EFF off lady. and then that whole "you're form5 and you should be an example to your junoirs...bla...bla..bla..." what the junoirs need is a lot of self checking. cuz they're a whole lot of biatches just like the school. personally i'm not bothered what shit the junoirs turn out to be cuz they're a pain.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

di mana dia-ah-ah. anak kambing saya-ah-ah.
anak kambing saya-ah-ah. tercekik makan fish ball.

** Hundred and Thirty Eight **

went for a wedding during the weekends and now i have a pile of homework waiting for me. isn't that swell...

HUGE dinner. everyone gets all dressed up for the special event. my feet hurts from all the walking. i was transporting the ang paus from one end to the other end of the hall in those miserable heels.

yeah. like oh my gosh. rachel wears heels.

lol.

well i got a blister on my left toe for that. other than that it wasn't so bad. after all i did dance in those heels for Phantom. long story short. the bride and bridegroom looked awesome. many people came. the place was packed. food was okay. funny thing was. after we finish dealing with all the ang pau money we couldn't even find a seat. they had to open a reserved table WAAAAYYYY at the back.

oh well...

the night was LOOONNNNGGG and draggy as all weddings are.

i'm running out of things so post.

cuz i've got homework on my mind.

P.S. Dai con & bon odori will be the last of my events. Parents say i need to focus.


go figure...
my grades suck...
i don't want to go for NS...
figured i'd go to an art school...
and run away from Form6...
cuz i'd probably die there...


lol,
Rach~

** Hundred and Thirty Seven **

it kinda sad that michael jackson breathed his last breath today. personally i think the whole world is watchign his videos, listening to his songs, getting to know this lost legend. come to think of it. i grew up with his songs. yeah, there were a few down points of michael jackson. if only things were different. maybe he wouldn't have to leave today. then again, for those who made picket signs against him, this would probably the day they'd been waiting for. and now they can sit at home, rejoice all together,and have some beer while watching the world sob over his death, laughing at the fools who do.
the news of his death hit the world by storm. not to mention my school. the first sight of someone you know and the words that pop out of those lips of yours would be, "Michael Jackson died!" and they's probably say, "Yeah, i know." so, everyones moaping bout his death. the lost of the man who did a way better moonwalk than neil armstrong could ever do. the man who sang of healing the world. and not forgetting the man who contributed to the invention of the drink we have, specially named after him. i have never tasted it. somehow it looks weird. but heck, if he hadn't turned white, we wouldn't have that drink.
it was a waste he left us this morning. i was really looking forward to his come back concert. i don't mind what he did. not that it bothers me so. but, maybe what they say its true...

...artists get famous after they die...

____________________________________________________________________________________

if someone walks up to you and asks, "What use are the ten toes on your foot?"
and all you do is shrug and say, "I don't know. It just makes me look normal."
if one day, you had a blister on all ten toes and someone were to ask the same question
you wouldn't shrug, but say, "I need them when I walk."
if someone walks up to you and asks, "What use are the arms you have there?"
and all you do is stare at them and answer, "I am human aren't I?! Humans have a pair of arms, don't they?!"
if one day, you lose an arm, and someone asks that question
you wouldn't even take a second to answer, "To eat, write, change my clothes, bathe, tie my shoelace, tie my hair, wear my contacts, etc etc etc"

do you really need to lose something before you realize how important it really is to you?!?!

** Hundred and Thirty Six **

we were in the physics lab. learning physics of course. well most of us were anyway. i sat at the end of the first table beside ramya and theeviyah. michelle sat on the next table at the end of that table. in the middle of class i stared at her and said, "hi lembu." she raised an eyebrow and exclaimed, "i love you?!?!" i laughed and repeated myself. then i went to theeviyah and said the same thing. "hi lembu." and she said, "alamelu?!?!?!". ramya and i burst out laughing and she just kept going on and on about "alamelu". we couldn't stop laughing to tell her what it was. and she was only making it worst. "who's alamelu?! alamelu?!?! what's alamelu?!?!" ramya and i finally calmed ourselves down and i told, "i said lembu". and theeviyah exclaimed, "ice cream lembu?!?!". there we go again. we laughed even harder.

i was talking to joanna about our exam marks or something. i said "...full marks." and theeviyah overheard and exclaimed, "kurma?!?!" so there we go again laughing our heads off.

sarritha was having a conversation with theeviyah. i wasn't there until the laughing started. so, sarritha goes, "i'd rather rape a durian." and theeviyah, gosh that name's getting common in this post, cleverly said, "oh, you're so thorny!"

ramya was extra corrupted today. ever since morning. pn. grace was going through our chemistry paper and the question was on alloys. and ramya just looked at me and said, "i need an alloy to prevent brain corrosion."

and thanks to syarifah we have a new vocabulary in Manglish. "Lipatable" derived from the word "foldable"

i don't know what was said before but syarifah said, "kentut her out of our life!" i don't know why. but it made us laugh.

lavania made a statement saying, "i'm a free thinker, i always think of freedom." and syarifah made this statement soon after saying, "i'm a free thinker, i always think of free food."

lavania was walking around class when she suddenly burst out singing, "a one, a two, a one two three four! di mana dia anak kambing saya..." then later that day, ramya was sitting beside and she burst out singing, "di mana dia, anak ah-ah-ah-ah." then she said, "anak kambing tercekik"

ramya and josephine were having a conversation in the bio lab. i was listening to pn. chieng. "and the best part is, it's (H1N1) is coming closer." and ramya raise an eyebrow saying, "the best part?!" and josephine just blurted out, "what?! i didn't say that?!" it was the same bio class when ramya asked me if i understood what she was saying and obviously i thought she was reffering to pn chieng (which she wasn't) and said, "matured folicle"

we were discussing about our layout page on the magazine and lavania suddenly said, "tengok berapa ekor?!?! bising!!" and theeviyah just had to open her big mouth and countered, "dia tak ada ekor pun!"

we were discussing about what to do for a drama competition with pn judy. and i found this mechanical pencil. it's no longer functioning cause the head is kinda cracked off. when you press it the whole head of it sticks out. so i was pressing it at syarifah's face and she grab the pencil from me. she was poking me with the pencil. syarifah said, "suck ur blood." and i blurted, "my father's gonna suck my breast." so we continued our discussion and pn judy said Pudu jail as Pudu Rail. then we were talking about the part where the robber would fall on some rocks and die. we were contemplating on how to make the rock. and pn judy just made a brilliant idea of a "death cause by a newspaper rock." then theeviyah gave an idea of making the rocks out of dough and obviously dough is made from flour. but pn judy said other wise, "the dough is supposed to be a flour?!?!" then we were talking about the chair in the living room and pn judy said, "grape the chair with clot." okay, so we decided to cover the chairs with cloth and then pn judy said, "so who's going to bring the happy cloth?!?!" and theeviyah suggested to cover the chairs with colour paper. pn judy was worried on how to make pudu jail look like pudu jail and theeviyah assured her, "the gala policeman will be standing there."

we had drama practise. and another big issue on our door. we did have thoughts on using polystyrene. then we were arguing on how to get it in the bus and i said to ramya, "we go there and stick it, not stick it and go there" and i was practically repeating myself. and pn judy just repeated what i said again. then pn judy was paranoid about dirt and stuff and told ramya to wash her hands cause she was holding the tip of my shoe. then we started goofing off and touching everyone's shoe and we laughed when i poked pn judy with my filthy finger.

** Hundred and Thirty Five **

how do i begin to explain myself.

well, put in mind there're two sides to the story.

here's my side.

okay.

here goes

i do not deny the fact that i am short tempered. my fuse is very short and no doubt i lose my cool really quickly. that's a little down turn of who i am.
so we were deciding on what to do for our page spread on the school magazine. our original idea was already taken by Science2. not that i'm blaming Science2 for stealing our idea. so we were talking on what and how and whatever else necessary. trying to get things straight soon. the dead line's on friday. go figure.
honestly speaking i seriously got irritated with Shangeeth and Dudu playing at the back. it was bearable at first. then i just got ticked by it. they were just irregardless of the situation we were in and started pushing and playing about. here we are trying get things done and there they are playing at the background. yes. i admit. i got seriously irritated with that.

i screamed. at Dudu and Shangeeth.

shouted at them. "can the two of you stop playing and just sit down?!?!"

yes. i was harsh.

i can't remember if Shangeeth said anything. but i did say one thing that got her pissed.

i think i said, "what the fuck are you two doing?!?!"

i can't remember word for word what happened.

then Shangeeth said, "what?! it's not like we're disturbing you?!"

then i said, "we're here trying to figure out what to do for our class layout and you're there playing!!"

maybe Shangeeth said something after that. i don't know.

all i know was, Ramya and Jose telling me to shut up. then someone rubbed my back. i don't know who.

but i shut up. i backed off. before it got way out of hand.

trust me. it will. if i didn't

i don't know how Dudu took that. but Shangeeth was seriously mad, upset, pissed off and whatever other words you can put in.

i have never shouted at someone and sweared at them and actually mean it.

well, this be the first.

i have never had a fight with my friend either.

well, this be the first.

i didn't even see Shangeeth leave class. she probably stormed off. i don't blame her.

i was rude.

i was very rude.

__________________________________________________________________________________


damn it. trials are coming. and it's gonna be less than half a year before SPM comes. and guess what?!?! i'm still not studying. yes i am freaking out. and i only have like 7A for my diagnostic. which really sucks. i better do something about the sucky results. bring my A2s to A1s and my B's and C's to A1s as well.

yeah yeah rachel...

keep saying that...

and not do anything...

*slaps self* stupid girl...

** Hundred and Thirty Four **

Happy Father's Day

To all the Daddies and Daddies to be in the world

Happy DADDIES DAY!!!!



You know we all Love YAAA!!!!!!!!!





_______________________________________________________________________________

had dinner with my dad just now. japanese food at tropicana.

tomorrow i have to get up at 6 am again.

go back to school...

gosh...

** Hundred Thirty Three **

J O G A T H O N

well jogathon wasn't so bad today. first off i didn't even attempt to run this year. not that i'd be in any shape to win a medal for myself. the whole bunch of us, Shangeeth, Syarifah, Sarah, Mariam, Lava, and I helped Pn. Thilga with her stuff so we kinda started after everyone else did. not that we would run even if we started at the same time. so we started behind Miss Goh. making noise as we always do. and then Miss Goh told us to walk more and talk less. not that we'd listen. actually we made more noise.

well i was on duty. but didn't have much to take really. cuz i was WAYYYY back. so all my pictures are of 5Sc1-nians. well we had teachers ushering us. of the two jogathons i've been to, THIS was the MOST MEMORABLE one EVER. i realize these are the moments i'm gonna miss about school. the moments that make me wish i could just go back to school. where waking up at 6a.m. is not a hastle.

we ran with Pn Chan. screaming at every circle we see. cuz our add math's project this year was on circular measure. running and taking pictures is something different than just standing and snapping them. well i finished with my legs sore. barely able to stand. and i still had to take the prize giving.

and then i had some hamper. lucky draw. xD
honestly this is the first time i've won a lucky draw.
hahahaha...pathetic right?!?!
not like i'm that lucky person...^^

tired out
i went for music class
then went back to sleep

GAHHHH!!!!!!!!
i'll post the pictures later...
have to ask Miss WOng's permission first...^^"

** Hundred and Thirty Two **

it is perposterous how the school send all the hundreds of us out to beg for money. it was fine. like a normal stupid donation drive thingy. not like we cared. it's our last year. oh yeah they use the money to "improve" the school and all that. heck. at least have the effort to get the prizes and hampers at your own cost. instead, you people are sitting on ur heads waiting for sponsors to get them for you. not a class has reached RM5000. so the juniors are so excited and all happy to collect money for the school. doesn't mean the seniors should.

honestly it's got NOTHING to do with my attitude. i've just made up our mind that i DON'T WANT to help the school. that i'd rather go out there and get myself the grand prize for the person who brings in the most money. because in actual fact, it cost much less to do so.

so i lack that persuasive power or whatever crap it is. asking me to collect donations feels lke begging for money. and it's not like i LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE promoting and talking about the school. and just because we haven't reached our target and most of the people aren't really bothered, everyone has to donate. HAS TO. and the headmistress demanded to see everyone who hasn't contributed. probably another talk on attitude and giving back to the school after what the school has done for you.

wait a minute...

what HAS the school done for me?!?!

_________________________________________________________________

something Ramya & I did during physics class
i know...i'm a retard...

Jangan Percaya Ku [don't thrust me-30h!3]
dres hitam
dengan seluar dalam
ada nafas rokok akhir
dalam gigi aku
dia pelakon
tapi dia tak perlu
ada duit dari parents
dalam dana timur
l-l-l-lidah
selalu tekan pipi
bila lidah aku dalam gigi perempuan lain
b-beritahu bf mu
jika dia ada lembu
yang aku makan sayur dan aku tak takut kat dia

dia nak sentuh aku
dia nak cinta aku
takkan tinggalkan ku
woah oh oh
jangan percaya pelacur
jangan percaya pelacur
jangan percaya dia
sebab pelacur takkan percayaku

shush perempuan
tutup bibir
buat Hellenkeller
cakap ngan pingan
saya kata shush perempuan
tutup bibir
buat Hellenkeller
cakap ngan pingan


I love u [barney song]
aku cinta mu
mu cinta ku
kita keluarga bahagia
dengan pelukan besar
dan ciuman basah
takkan mu kata mu cintaku

____________________________________________________________________

time to brush up my marks
my results sucks
except for add maths
that's cuz i actually studied for it
unlike the rest ofmy papers
shouldn't have screwed up my physics paper2
cuz i lost my A1 there
should've studied a bit more for bio , sej and chemistry
could've gotten A1 for those as well
well my BM is a gonner
no comment on that


ahh i got to do my add math's project...

outzzz~

** Hundred and Thirty One **

the day before yesterday, i was writing what i could recall on Harrison Bergeron. i was cracking my brain trying to remember evidence i could use from the text for Holes. Julius Caesar seriously sounded greek to me. trying to read between the spaces of the letters of every verse that comes to memory. then, my temperature rose. my central nervous system began buzzing like a machinery that needed some grease. then the ticking of clocks ten miles away rang in my ears. i was turning into vapour. evapourising. my palms held snow but it was summer in my head. i should've seen the signs. when the sound of me deteriorated at sunrise and oxygen supplies ran low. keeping my sanity was beyond my grasps.

yesterday, i entered the same atmosphere. except. nothing felt better. my temperature rose before i held the carbon and my oxygen levels were way below regulated levels. i sat by sun rise, trying to find that missing folder in my hard drive of yesterday's well over burnt midnight oil. the ordeal had passed. and it is as if i had been brainwashed entirely. not a speck of fragments in my memory can tell me what happened withing those dark menacing hours.

today, the haunting seconds of the silent nights of early morning went missing again. i kept them in a jar. poked air hole. and even gave them cookies. my skull did make impact every five seconds of the day. i popped it in hoping it goes down without resistance. rewrote what has passed and destroyed the very foundation of it all.

tomorrow, normality was restored to what had been the three days destruction of myself. i wore my armour, sharpened my sword and charged my steed. but it wasn't until the battlement was done that the fool came to surface.

the day after tomorrow goes on.


love,
rach

** Hundred and Thirty **

WEAK.

** Hundred and Twenty Nine **

i need to do my MORAL PROJECT
and finish it asap
then i need to do my Add Math's project
and finish that too
after that i need to train for my taekwondo competition
which for your information is slotted between my diagnostic
which is in bout 1 week plus time
then i'd have to study for bio
and make my sucky marks better
and i'd have to rekindle my add maths form4
cuz i have practically FORGOTTEN everything
then i have to memorize all my moral NILAI
and not forgetting the kata kunci
and i have to improve my BM
which is worst than a standard 1's BM
i need to do something out my drowning physics
cuz i used to do so well in it
and i need to get my sejarah up a notch
though all these people are dead
they're gonna determine if i get an A1 or not
so screw them damn it
then i have to refresh my page on chemistry
the folders in my brain has been cobwebbed

i have issues with myself

i need to upgrade my system
people all using vista
and i'm still using windows 98
xD

** Hundred and Twenty Eight **

diagnostic

diagnostic

diagnostic

i've got a very awesome story line i thought of today
but i have to study

sickening internet connection

someone right now is looking pretty tired
staring at every line of bullshit
that comes by em'
someone right now is wondering why they'd do this
to walk every street
and not no where to go
and someone right now is sleeping in the darkness
while his neighbour downstairs is sick and tired
wondering where his car went
someone right now is sick and is tired
of being sick and tired of every single shit
tossed right in his face
someone right now is bleeding in his apartment
while his brother's pacing out
with his loot under his coat

stop bugging me
Linkin Park fans ur Shinoda Art of urselves will come soon enough
i'll do after diagnostic
i need to bring up my grades
first come first serve basis...xD
i'll give u the original damn worry

Shindo Art list
01. Alice
02. Joshua
03. Weng Lian [fish]
04. Brian
05. Benjamin [robot]
06. Grace
07. Lancer
08. Frit
09. Ling Ling
10. Heng Hao [frog]
11. West
12. Carrie
13. Ed
14. Edd
15. Justin
16. Esther Lim

**Matt you gotta buy me the a plain WHITE shoe of ur size of you want your shoe design**

do be patient ppl.
the list is long and i have other things besides making shinoda art on my peeps.
xD

i'm scared just typing out the list ><

what to write what to write

um...


i've got nothing to write
ou well...

=D

love.
rach.

** Hundred and Twenty Seven **

i just realized.
it's been almost a year since i first posted my first post.
a figment of my life has wasted 365days.

well something funny happened today

Umi was playing with the jelly thing we put in the plant. and she kinda threw one at Ramya and I and it kinda landed in between us. at that time i saw her throwing somehting but i didn't really bother what. Joanna was screaming at Umi for that.
so during Bio, we were checking our papers and i kinda noticed the jelly Umi threw. i picked it up and put it on Ramya's black book.

Ramya: What's this?!?! why putting on my book all!! want me to put on your sketch book issit?!
Kong: *sneers*
Ramya: *takes her book with the jelly on top*

ramya wanted to put the jelly on Andrea's table. but...

Ramya: OMG. i think it fell.
Kong: *laughs*
Ramya: I think it went into her bag weiii
Kong: *continues laughing*
Ramya: *goes scavenging Andrea bag*
Andrea: *notices* Eh...what you doing?!
Ramya: my eraser fell.
Andrea: oh...*puts hand in her bag to help find*
Ramya: *stands there*
Andrea: what's this?!?! [the jelly thingy broke in her bag]
Ramya: i dunno. *turns to me and starts laughing silently*
Kong: *burst out laughing*
Ramya: i think it's that jelly thing.
Andrea: how did it get here?!?!
Ramya: i don't know...my eraser not there ar...

how could you Ramya!!!!

okay one more...
today we had 2.10
so our last period was bio bio
Pn. chieng entered.
we were waiting for the bell to ring
all of us was waiting for the bell to ring

Pn. Chieng: why is the bell not ringing?
Kong: because the bell dun want to ring.
Pn. Chieng: close the door then the bell will want to ring.

i was like
okayyyyyy.............*surf*


for once...
in 5sc1 history
there was PIN DROP SILENCE for 5MINUTES!!!!
like serious silence weiii
well i was containing my laughter
somehow my class being quiet was funny to me
xD

time to study...

love,
rach
C=

** Hundred and Twenty Six **

first of all...
WTF weiii...i got like 50 for my Physics!!! 50. FIFTY. FIVE ZERO.
damn. the one science subject i was certain i'd get A1
well i tell you how much stupidity i committed.
15 minutes before the paper ended. i tore and rewrote my experiment to the constantan wire bullshit.
GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!
the orginal i answered and tore and threw into the bin was the right experiment.
i was like....
ARGHHHHHH!!!!! *stranggles self*


second of all...
who the hell are those girls that gave their name for the stupid "treasure hunt"
i will kill you all for not showing up
end up Lava, Me, Andri, Yee Wen, Ezzaty had to take part
well actually it wasn't even a treasure hunt
we just had to act according to some title they gave us
GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!
our drama had no lines
we were just mumbling gibberish
how awesome is that!!!!!
well
we do stand a chance to win something....i think
cuz we did awesome for something without lines XD

third of all...
tuition was just...tuition
well i was doodling in tuition as usual to pass the time
cuz it sejarah add maths and maths today
i suddenly had this burst of idioticity

well if u can't make out what i wrote
i can't really help you there...

fourth of all...
i was waiting in the car for my mum to pack dinner
and i heard we the king's new song...
though they're a bunch of UGLY fellas
but their songs tell a whole different thing
so the song ringing in my head
We The Kings-Secret Valentine

we'll write a song
that turns out the lights
when both boy and girl
start suddenly shaking inside
don't waste your time
speed up your breathing
just close your eyes
we'll hope it's not for nothing at all


well my finger still hurts a bit from stapling myself
but no biggie
i'm very proud of it actually
it's the 2nd time in my life i staplered myself
so awesome

love,
rach

** Hundred and Twenty Five **

ok
announcement

I STAPLER-ED MYSELF


seriously
i did


okay enough of this nonsense
i can't sign in to msn
i've been drawing fir the past few days
just to get all this BS out of my brain

diagnostic in 2 weeks time
i need to get my grades up
so no more nonsence rachel
no more singing "Love Story"
study your Biology
no more playing the guitar
memorize your Sejarah
no more drawing
read up your Literature
no more sleeping
practise your Additional Math
no more video games
revise your Chemistry
no more msn
understand your Physics
no more distractions
improve your Bahasa Melayu
no more un-necessities
do something about Moral

time for a major lock down

a silent prayer

i no longer know what's happening to me, God. i feel very lost. i don't know what's going on with my life. i don't know where is it heading. God, i feel so mobile. like the ground i'm standing on is nothing but gravel waiting to crumble. i have lost my way in the mist of school, family and friends. and i have lost myself along with that. Lord, i cannot take this anymore. everyday feels like an endless battle i can never win. every step i make feels wrong. every choice i make feels empty. i don't know what's happening to me. i don't know whats wrong with me. i have sinned. like the many that come to you. over and over again. Lord, my life is falling apart. i'm falling apart. i don't talk to my mother and i don't even know why. i hate my dad for doing what he does to me. Lord, i am crying out to you today. i cannot take it anymore. i hate hiding myself. what have i done wrong. why am i like this Lord. why is everyone unhappy with the way i am Lord. why does my life seem so insignificant. i'm so lost. i no longer want to drive my life into jeapordy. Jesus take the wheel. take it from my hands. and save me from this road i'm on.

in Jesus's name

i ask

and i pray

amen.

** Hundred and Twenty Four **

Tell me. Why'd you have to make things so complicated.

i don't understand.

i don't get it.

i'm so sick and tired of everything today.

it's been a shitty day.

youdecide
ifyou
wantto
readthefollowing

i'm warning you


i am so sick and tired. of having people poke their noses into my business. snoop around where they're not supposed to. what the fuck happened to personal space and privacy damn it. being my parents doesn't give you a god damn right to do such a thing even if you're paying the bills. i don't care if you read this. i seriously don't anymore. i have my freedom of speech. punish me if you want. i hate this. i hate everything. what is fucking wrong with my life damn it. it's like it's going down the fucking sewers!!!! i don't care anymore of how i say i will stop swearing. if you can't stand me fucking sit down!! i don't give a fuck what you people think anymore. i don't give a shit what you're all gonna say. right now even the SIMPLEST task of getting out of the house for one miserable day feels like a whole lot of bullshit. it's like i have to go through all the fucking paper works and countless form before i can step out of this fucking place. i hate the world i live in. and yet why do some people look so happy. why the fuck am i so unhappy!!!! everyday i wish i was someone else. i think these are one of the reasons why i'm not too excited getting my driving license. heck!!! i'd still have to get permission don't i?!?! seriously people. how much more hate and dispise do i have to express before you watch what you say to me about my mum in front of me.
puhhleeezeee...the
"oh she's very nice..."
"nothing la...she smiled at me and said ok.."
"kong...i love ur mum..."
you know what i say. cut the crap people. you don't live with her every second of your life. you wouldn't know what i'd going through. it's unbelievable how much fucking hatrate i have in me right now. i just so sick. so sick of everything and everyone around me. i just want everyone to go. go far far away from me. don't touch me. don't even talk to me. just... leave me be...i'm fucking hating myself right now...



i'm sorry mum...for it is me who cannot change...

all dried out of tears,
rach

** Hundred and Twenty Three **

INTERVENSI IS DONEEE!!!!!!
gosh i don't know why i'm rejoicing but i just am...xD
well if i dont fail sejarah it's good enough
cuz i didnt even manage to write ANY of my essay
i dont even know what to crap weiiii....T^T

well math's was awesome as usual...
though i did a few stupid mistakes...
its normal..not like i want to get 100 for it
lets see if i can get at least B for Bio...
though i kinda screwed that paper up...
i really don't get bio...its so stupid

here's how i'd answer bio questions...
1. what is the definition of defaecate?
Shitting
2. describe the process of defaecation.
Eat the food. Food gets digested. And you release it when you need to.
And remember to flush and wash your hands.
3. what is the cause of constipation?
You don't eat your veggies when your parents ask you to. That's why la...
4. what are the effects of constipation?
Well you can't shit properly cuz ur shit won't come out. Leads to crying and some
terrible unbearable stomache.
5. what are your advices to someone who suffers from constipation?
Use more force and shit the damn thing out. You'll feel better after that.
Either that or you end up somewhere else.

Fuhhh...full marks...xD

owh and i made my own chemical equation during moral...
i had LOADS of extra time...

rachanoic acid + rachanol --> rachylrachanoate + water

how cools is that!!!!
i'm an ester!!! XD
well then i tried to write with my left hand to pass the time...
thrust me, you DON'T want to see it
it's just a bunch of squigly lines
then i tried writing with both
and i got confused after a while

i saw this gecko picture on the national geographic magazine
so adorable...
so i brought it to school along with my designated sketch book
i have A LOT of sketch books okay...xD
i was sketching it while waiting for ELS to start
LIT. SOC. is now ENG LANG SOC [ELS]
it was breezy so i didn't mind sitting outside the english room
i like how everyone just ignores my existance
well so i was doing my gecko...

then shangeeth and farzy were corrupting everyone else
with the PhD issue...
making chemical equations and stuff
chemical properties...
disgusting people...xD
then we played 007 piak! aiyak!
lawls...if you're not from the gang of ours i don't think u'll even know
we used to play all kinds of stupid games
come to think of it
i used to play batu seremban...
i still have them...i could play with both hands last time
i don't think i can now...
skills have faded. xD

then i went to tuition.
I GOT SCOLDED BY THE BIO TEACHER!!!!!!
gosh do all bio teachers hate me...xD
well i wasn't paying attention and making so much noise
obviously i got scolded
she went, "if you can't absorb anymore i allow you to go home now."
"you're disturbing the class and my concentration."
truely i am...
but what teacher's never realize is...

if your teaching was ANYTHING but interesting...
don't you think i'd be listening?!?!

no wonder i'm struggling with bio

OU!! OU!!
guess what i dropped bio...
literally i dropped bio...
heh...
i dropped my bio refference book...
i dropped bio...xD
i dropped moral too...
yeah i dropped the damn book!!!

okay...
enough with the spur of glee and happiness...
i'm just happy for one thing though...
last year i really though my chemistry was going down the drain...
so...

THANK YOU PN GRACE!!!!!!


love,
Rach



this sounds so wrong...
thanks to shangeeth's corruption today...

(10:04 PM) Hao: shit la... i fkin screwd car today
zzz
i dunno why.. all of a sudden
(10:04 PM) i-papercut-me.bl: why the hell did u go and screw the car?!?!
(10:04 PM) Hao: nvr push stick further in
den the car shake shake shake shake
i was like wtf
zzz

gosh...xD
too much concentrated sulphuric acid...

** Hundred and Twenty Two **

i feel so happy today

gosh...i wonder why...

i'll tell you!!!! XD

well today Apple jie was ONLINE!!!!

gosh it's been like ages since i talked to her since

she left malaysia

Apple's now teaching in the UK

for all you peeps who don't know...

well that wasn't what i was exstatic about

one of her students there showed her

my webpage on DA!!!!

and she told them she knew me

and they started planning a school trip to malaysia

so that she could take them to meet me!!!

*cheh..perasan pulak*

well then again...i don't really consider my art like awesome...

it's kinda shitty really...xD

but i have fans in the UK!!!!

do you?!?!?!?!!?

*hidung kembang dah....*

but...the down side was...

they all thought i was like 10 or 11 years old

T^T

kay...next thing...

CONGRATULATIONS JOSHIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah..the one and only joshua got his CD out and running

well i don't know whether it'll be released to public

but guess what...i got the autographed one!!!

wakakakakakaka

i'll sell it on e-bay once he gets famous!!!!

$$$$$$

well...josh u better work hard this time...

don't go haywired again

i slap you ar if u screw this up!!!

i really will

there was like ceramah for the whole day practically

and i did my lisan today!!!!

yeah it's a great thing okay....

well i never liked the sunway college people

therefore i aint going there!!! xD

besides yee wei's going there

i don't think i want to see my cousin for the entire duration i'm around campus

okay anyway

i was kinda happy with myself today

i ate PEDAS!!!!

one day dont eat cannot

i'm like addicted to it or something

*slaps forehead* what am i talking about

I AM ADDICTED TO IT!!!!

woots...

cuz its so awesome

but today's one i put 3 spoons and i finish the soup

conclusion:

it's not spicy at all

cuz usually when i eat i'll be like crying at the first sip

so i should've put 4 spoons...xD

then my intestines feel like it's burning

i feel like a dragon!!! xD

hahaha...

okay okay...

over happiness...

love ya~

rach

** Hundred and Twenty One **

gosh intervensi is like next week.
and then after that is diagnostic.
rachel kong.
WTF are you doing in science stream
when you're gonna end up doing art&design.
WTF are you doing in science stream
when you're going to end up doing something out of the sciences.
gosh.
WTF am i doing man....

okay. i need to study soon.
my biology is in ICU already.
so is my add math if i dont do anything about it.

GAHHH...
i haven't done my moral project as well
and it needs to be handed in before diagnostic

i shall only sleep when i need to
i shall drown myself every second of the day
gosh....
i need a break from all this damn it
it seems to just get worst day by day
and yet some ppl say tomorrow's better than today
heck
everyday seems to just get worst

and right now i've started procrastinating on my work
which technically is not good
so i find myself trying to decide whether to be sleepy and do my work
and drag my feet to school tomorrow like a zombie
or have the rest i need and not completing my work
and rush my work at school or find ways to get out of it
gosh...

so yeah i have to decide what i'm gonna do soon
well if i don't
i'd just do form6
but right now even form 6 is scary damn it
everything's scary after form5
i'd rather keep sitting for SPM

well i was VERY agitated yesterday...
some people just don't realize the importance of privacy
cuz they just can't help but stick their FUCKING nose into everything single thing
shesh...



well i'm off to finish my work.
i went senile the week i lost my beloved sketch book.
whoever took it...
you better hope i don't find you...
you useless piece of shit...

peace~

** Hundred and Twenty **

i really don't know what i am doing anymore. seems as if i'm fighting a battle where the odd are almost against me. as if i was in this world for the first time. everything seems so alien to me.

i have ran out of alphabets for today. life just never seemed the same as it was during the holidays.

no. i do not feel the heat of SPM.

study like crazy.

i wonder why.

i do feel like a mess right now.

like nothing seems to make sense. like some add math question that seems impossible to solve when the answer's just staring me right in the face.
like some essay question i know nothing of when in fact everything is up there, just nothing's coming out.
like a simple puzzle given in my hand but i took one big winding turn to get the solution when there was just a straight road to it.

nothing.

** Hundred and Nineteen **

woots!!!
today i shall sleep early cuz for the past few days i've been cramping the night doing countless homework. like some immense shit weii. i was writing until my hands were trembling when i hold the pencil. okay. i said that yesterday already.

WOOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
today we took class pictures. well i spent most of my day out of class. doing nothing really. i dont see the point of me missing class today. gosh. i sound like a nerd. but yeah. it was an utter waste of time. but 5SC1's picture this years was just AWESOME! heck!! check the dictionary...under AWESOME you'd see 5SC1...xD perasannya...i think i got darker today as well...shesh...i need to be fair again. i hate being sunburnt.

well then i had to stay back and miss lit soc for some practise for the demo thingy. which was another utter waste of time. gosh. i'm wasting a lot of time today. i peeled my lips today...obviously it bleeded.
that HUGE ulcer i got from chewing bubblegum and countlessly biting myself is recovering. THANK GOD!!!! it was so FREAKISHLY HUGE and it hurt so much. imagine what a hastle it is have this HUGE ulcer in the front and you have to eat?! even the slightest touch hurts like hell...


i no longer post my long LONG LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG post okay...
you people complain i talk too much...shesh...

time to study rachel...
SPM coming...

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! *dies*

** Hundred and Eighteen **

honestly ACGC was a total BORE...
like what the hell did i do there but sit there and crap with a bunch of people i randomly met...
even the figurines didn't interest me...damn it
this is the first event i spent under 50bucks at...
well technically i dont spend money on the doujins unless really find something i like...other than that everyone is selling practically the same thing everyone else is selling...xD

woots!!! look what i found!!!!
xD xD
yeah...yeah...
we were all DEAD bored...
and i have like MASSIVE HAIR LOSS damn it...
it's like every 5 seconds 2-3 strands will come off...



darn i'm retarded yeah i know...xD
you know what...
i just spent 7 hours on my bio notes yesterday
wrote til my hands were trembling
and guess what!!!!
she didn't even check today
how FUCKED up is that man...
so i still can't feel my hand today
and i'm extremely exhausted...
gosh...
it's bad enough i have less sleep yesterday

WHERE THE HELL RAMYA A/P BALACHANDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'M WAITING IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER FOR HER TO COME ONLINE!!!!!!!
WASTING PRECIOUS SLEEP TIME!!!!
RAMYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
FASTER LA....

** Hundred and Seventeen **

you all wanted to read right?!?! here's my commonwealth essay i never handed in.

The match

It burns and gives light, heat, warmth, joy. Slowly it skulks, nearer and nearer. And when it’s time to let go, you’ve gone profoundly attached to it; it stings, burns, and hurts. At that moment, regret feeds on your very soul. Wishing you’d let go earlier when it’d hurt less? But now it’s too late. The ecstasy it gave is gone, faded into ash. Nevertheless, you’re still here.
I blow out the candles tonight and scale up those long winding flights of stairs; resilient. This is not the beginning of an end, but the end of a beginning. For my master, I waited outside for him to brace himself for what he’d be coming up against today. I know not of what his plans are but I have to be there. I must. Those carefully detailed doors coated with dashes of gold and silver faintly opened as my master slink out. Quietly I followed behind him; there isn’t room for conversations.
My master clears his throat. "It’s raining." His voice seems to drift into the droplets of rain against the glass. I keep unvoiced; afraid to articulate. My eyes go nowhere but my sweaty palms are now clutched into a fist on my lap, nervously gripping parts of my pants. "Hey, are you alright?" Maybe he’d notice how jumpy I am. Something I have always failed to hide, my emotions. I’m an open book. And even with the chilly winds that come with the rain, I felt temperate when his palm faintly touched my anxious hands. "Hey, are you alright?" He looked out at the downpour. "If you’re not feeling so good you don’t have to come, you know?"
I’d wonder where my voice went, or how I couldn’t move, but that’s all too adapted already. "HEY!!!" He shook me by my shoulders; I floated along with it motionlessly. He gave up, slouched back into his seat and crossed his arms, gazing through the pane. When I finally found my voice, it was time to go. Bullfights. I never liked going to these events; I hated them. A pointless match between man and beast to prove who’s mightier. I trailed after my master through the crowds of people, feeling very lost. I watched him wave to one of the other matadors and is returned with one. I stand by him as they talk of the rain effecting today’s big occasion. "It’s your day today man." One of them gave him a pat on the back. Somehow standing here looking at my feet and the mud, if my master wasn’t scared, I am. He let out a laugh confidently. "I can do it. Rain or shine." He boasted.
I stood by him as he prepared himself. "Cheer for me, okay?" I hid my fear for him pretty well this time, and nodded excitedly. He’s like a child waiting for his first ice cream. I sat by the bench waiting for my words to come out. People get hurt doing this or even die, so, what if. "Um..." I made a sound; better than nothing. He stood in front of me, placed his hand on my head and ruffled my hair. "I know you’re worried. Don’t worry." I felt his lips touch my forehead, softly and tenderly. "I’ll come back through those gates alive." My eyes moved to meet his, I’m on autopilot. He flashed a broken smile. "Promise."

I am alone, listening to the crowd roar and moan. I heed puddles spatter and other sounds I was foreign to. I’m beginning to breakdown. My hands are sweaty and I’m grabbing my pants as if my life depended on it. The people yelled and the hooves beat against the water. I’m tingling inside that something bad is going to occur, something’s going to go wrong. I hated this feeling and pulled myself to the iron bars and observed.
I held my mouth from screaming. He was in there with the enraged bull, evading it by mere inches. He fell to the ground and what happened after that, I couldn’t find myself to put in words.

Sunlight pierced through the windows marks daylight. Carefully I opened those doors and tiptoed into the room. I peered from the edge of his bed where he lay peacefully. It’s been days he’d been resting there; I wish he’d open his eyes. The doorbells rang. I hurried up but somehow I just wanted one more glance of him, my fingers lingered on his face. "Why can’t I find the words when-" I froze; startled, his hand held mine to his face and there was that broken smile I longed for. "Um..." Why is it that that’s the only thing I could say? Hastily I pulled my hand away when one of the matadors entered. "You barely made it out alive. How are you feeling?"

The candles are lit again tonight. One by one I watch them burn and turn to wax. One should feel warmth with these scented candles and dancing flames, but all I sense is the bitterness inside. Something within me is crying out but I’ve always put my tears in hiding. I light another match and start again with those on the other side of the room. Finished with the last one, I saw him sitting by the steps of those long winding stairs; smiling. "You do know that nobody’s going to be down here." He pointed that out as he got up and put out the match before it burnt my fingers.
"I am down here." Faintly for once I heard my voice. He examined the room, paced around every corner. "So, this is where you go when you’re not with me." Silently I nodded. He smelled the scented air and approached me. "You should be resting." I have miraculously found my voice, I was no longer stuttering. My master laughed and placed his arm over my shoulder. He whispers, "You’ve been by my bedside every day since that incident."
Hearing that, I felt my cheeks burn. Being as I am, I know where I stand and though I could only dream of standing here right now like this, I know I have to do it. I lifted his arm from my shoulders and took a step away from me. I held his wrist for five more seconds before I had to let go. He stood in front of me, trying to peer through the forest of hair that hid my face. "You sat there. Slept by my side and even pulled my covers. " He said with a lot of gratitude in his voice. I blindly nodded as I had nothing else to say. I felt his hand under my chin, lifting my face. I am afraid to look at him. Every time I do my heart skips a beat and my mind tells me it is all wrong. "There they are." He smiled, gazing into my eyes. "Those captivating pair of glistering eyes I haven’t seen in a while." I know I shouldn’t resist because right now it seems like a dream come true, but I have to. I pulled his hand away from below my chin. "Master." Regrettably I spoke. His finger rested on my lips before I could continue; he shushed me. "I’m not your master. You are not my servant. "Our voices seem to grow fainter as we speak.

My heart felt as if it was about to pop right out of my chest any moment. I could feel it thumping inside. My mind keeps telling me that this is all wrong. His hands on my waist, tenderly he pulled me closer. "I made my own destiny and matched me with you." His topaz eyes danced with the flames from the candles. I couldn’t breathe anymore. I looked away, trying to evade anymore awkward feelings I already have. "Look at me." He quietly begged. "Please?" Somehow I had a chill run down my spine, like the room had suddenly grow cold and everything stood still. Indecisively I looked at him, his face more perfect than I remembered, as if it was carved by the gods. And those gorgeous locks of auburn hair. Before I could find my mind to defy him, his luscious lips were pressed against mine. His firm hands held my faded face as I stood there not knowing how to react. I no longer felt lost. "I love you."

There were silent footsteps but we didn’t hear. We were no longer on earth. "What in the-!" The shadow of a man exclaimed at the stairway. He pulled me closer as if I was the one forcing it in and I couldn’t struggle. I tried to pull away, I no longer knew what was happening but this was all going wrong. I wanted to scream, I knew where I stand and my mind is telling me, "I told you so." Then, I just found myself lying on the wooden floor. I feel cold. I held that wet spot on my shirt, soaked with the metallic scent of my blood. I did hear the trigger click and felt the bullet pierce through my chest. But the pain never came until he walked away with the pistol in his hand.

The candles burnt out tonight. The wax dripped down the corners to the floor boards below. A half opened match box laid on the table, inside leaves one lone match stick. But it no longer serves its purpose as the flames has lingered and slowly unknowingly disintegrates; hiding behind the tenderness and bliss. How can something that bring so much joy bring so much pain?

____________________________________________________________________________________

it's funny how life turns out. how somedays you feel like you're on top of the world. and some just feels like you're six feet under and no one can hear you. but what else can you possibly do when life turns around and bites you?! embrace with a smile and keep going on for there are things that'll make things worth while again. it's just a matter of when and where.

i pose a question to the girls circling the primary school hall during taekwondo practises on tuesdays. what do you intend to achieve doing such pointless acts?! yeah. yeah. i know what your intentions are but seriously...how desperate are you people. oh wait. scratch that. YOU PEOPLE ARE DESPERATE. have some dignity in yourself will you. maybe you dont realize it but because of the few byotches and desperados in St. Mary, all of us are labled like that. get a life girls and go out more often.

Ramya came over today.had to do the script for the drama competition. need i state?! obviously we crapped up one awesome script. but in that process i think i screamed and shouted on the phone too much. sore throat. shesh. anyway...we got it done...actually the initial plan was to end with some one getting killed. Pn. Judy asked for a twist. and when we gave her the idea, she said it's supposed to end morally. so go figure...no one's getting killed. and i thought we could do some awesome fight scene...xD that'll get us to win for sure...

i'm feeding the mosquitoes sitting here. but i'm back to being addicted to Love Story...somehow the fact that i'm practically suffocating everytime i sing it is very entertaining...cuz i'd try to make it anyway den i end up gasping for breath...hahahaha...

wow...it seems i'm happy today...

well i was happy yesterday too...

for once taekwondo was a whee bit laid back than it usually is. well i do screw up my pattern as usual cuz i cant remember all of it. my brain doesn't have that much memory space. but Andrianna's always there to save me...^^ i solute you andri!!! then we started goofing off and learning at the same time, me, leava and andri. we we're teaching the other two pooms koryo...yeah obviously they like that pattern. so did i when i first learnt it. it was like..."COOOLLL!!! I GET TO CHOKE AIR!!!" well then Benjamin [canadian sir] came aksing whether we were practising or goofing off. crap la crap...typical st marians right..pro crappers. obviously we said we were doing both at the same time.

nobody accuse me of liking Benjamin. i'll stranggle you.

andri and i were doing sparring. aiya...one step nia...like one stupid liddat. hahaha poor andri had to drop down and do five for not shouting. well all of them did. you know i find disturbing...people laughing around me and i dont know what they're laughing at or for. yeah. i'm a bit KPC. i oso want to laugh what...
so Benjamin sir came chuckling behind me and andri, well andri was facing him...and i ask "what"...he shake his head and walk away!. COME BACK HERE AND TELL ME WHATCHU LAUGHING AT!!!!!!!!!! i tak boleh tahan....ishhh..

____________________________________________________________________________________

TO ALL PENDUDUK OF KAMPUNG SEMANGAT

honestly, i can't remember the last time we said "SEMANGAT" as a class. i can't remeber us doing "FEELING" or calling each other "KUNDEJEMS". we are still a class but i seem to feel as if our semangat we had last year has slowly faded into homework, school and the hype of SPM. we no longer go crazy like we always do on a daily basis. maybe that's cuz our coconut tree outside the window is no longer there.
i miss the days we'd get too noisy for anyone to control. and the days someone will just say something stupid to get everyone laughing til we can no longer laugh anymore. til our stomachs hurt. maybe some of you migght say we're still as close as we are when we were choral speaking. but somehow we're slowly, quietly drifting apart like some pathogen is here to break up our ionic bonds. some of us at least.
what happened to the days we'd impersonate russell peters. what happened to the days we'd worship the M&M box. WHat happened to the times we'd plan to "korbankan" Umi. what happened to the days everyone was...together...[well besides the fact that miss ng ehem ehem ehem]

you know what i want.

i want to take out our kitkat bars again. stand from the crowd and create history once more.
____________________________________________________________________________________

aiya...banyak merepek la budak ni.
ape sal...
sebab bukannya hari-hari i blog pun.
hanya ketika i free sahaja yang dapatlah peluang EMAS ni untuk blog bagi para pembaca aku merendamkan dirinye dalam kehidupan aku yang huru-hara ini.
jangan la marah i blog panjang-panjang.
tulis banyak banyak.
baca pun sakit mata...leher cam nak patah...
janganlah baca semua dlm satu hari...
sikit sikit baca la...
tak leh tahan tidur pastu baca balik...

dah...dah...mula merepek lagi...
macam kerepek...xD

aiks...^^
peace out!!! xD