02 November 2011

Looking back. I've been bit crazy these past few days. Yea. Well. I'm officially single again. After god knows how long.

I guess the first day was the hardest. I cried my eyes out the night before. Around 7pm-4am(?). Then i finally went to sleep. I woke up that morning. Cried again. I find it funny now that I'm typing it. Of how much i cried that its over. I woke up with my eyes swollen. I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself I had to let go. I went on with my day, crying most of it. Trying to keep my head intact and study. Surprised how i pulled myself together to study on the first day. Though my mind kept going elsewhere (if you know what i mean). It was a day i realized i had nothing to do on the internet. MSN didnt serve a purpose. Neither did facebook.

Then i had a sudden craving for Snowflake. Ugh. I still do. Gosh. I want Taro Balls.

I cried again going to bed on day one. Yea. Cry. Cry. Cry.

I probably got some people worried. My deepest apologies. At some point during that time I really felt like i was going to go insane. Wanting to kill myself and shit. Now i laugh at my stupidity.

But honestly. Being strong is never easy.

And funny how my sister only found out yesterday (which was day two). Maybe she's just oblivious to the fact that we finally ended. XD she thought we fought.

Then i came to realize how couple dont talk to each other anymore after they split. Why? I mean. You've spent so much time with the other person. You've shared practically everything you know and experienced with them. Heck. You guys know each other so well. And everyone just decides to throw that relationship away just because these two people are no longer a couple. At what cause, i do not know.

Some things in life cannot be faced alone. And even as you have friends to support you and cheer you up and knock some sense into your somewhat delusional brain as you're going through this emotional distress. I dont know. Maybe its cuz most of my friends are too busy with exams and such (foreveralone) XD. I dont want to bother them with my problems. I mean. I dont go around telling people i just got out of a relationship to acquire some pity. They know. They see it on facebook. Its their choice to come to me at my time of need. And I truely am greatful i have such friends. Though they are of minority. <3 you guys.

Ok. What was i saying. XD. Oh. Ok. Not talking. I dont know. Maybe its just who i am. I value my friends. More than i should sometimes. Everyone should. ^^. And to throw away such a bond just because we're not meant to be together is stupid. Yea. It probably doesnt help with the letting go part of breaking up. But to immediately stop talking after breaking up is like such a drastic change into life. If you can handle it fine. Most of the time, no. Yes. I still talk to him. Heck. it might slow down the letting go process. But he's my best friend ^^. Come to think of it, We hit it off so fast we never got to becoming friends. XD.

Yea. I bid au revoir to Good morning texts. Staying up webcaming. Taking 5minutes every night just to say good night and sing off. Waiting for you to come online. And all the other weird stuff you do. XD. But, even as our relationship ended, we can always make a new one. ^^. Its like turning over a new leaf. =D Ok. I just lost my train of thought.

Letting go is never an easy thing to do. =)

OK. Next thing to blog. (im so organized XD)

Yesterday Elie texted me and said :

" Rach. My fren here saw ur blog thru google and liked it a lot then she started stalk you. Suddenly, she saw my pic and excitedly came to me and said 'elie how come you know my idol' lol "

Kinda makes me wonder what is there to idolize about me. XD

OK. First of all. I dont see myself as an internet idol like some people. Yea. Ok. I have a fanpage on facebook with 445 likes. So?

Honestly internet fame means nothing to me. Heh. But if people want to idolize me its fine really. Your choice. Not going to sue you for it. ^^

Maybe i look too lowly of myself that i dont see anything worth idolizing about. XD Unless i have a serious case of narcissism.

So whoever you are idolizing me, why idolize in the shadows...=3

Lets be friends (lol ok corny much?)


Ah. This made my day yesterday. OwO

I got a phone call from some lady from the booth on studying in uk during edu fair which i gave my details to. She called me telling me the Head of Coventry University would be in her office on Thursday (yes tomorrow) and whether I'd be free to meet up.


I'd be going there to meet him i guess. (there goes my skate session)
Though this was somewhat awesome news for me. Usually you'd run and tell your parents bout it. At some point, I wanted not to tell them at all.

So i went to check out the University. ILLUSTRATION AND ANIMATION!!!
Unbelievable how happy i was. Most of the Universities offer Animation alone and moreover some split animation into few more other branches @_@.

I told my parents during dinner i was going to meet up with the head and stuff. My dad asked what university was it. I told.

Ok. First of all. I didn't get like "oh, thats good." or any of those shit.

And my dad went, "But its not the university you want to go to."

FUCK CARES IF ITS NOT. To me it was one step closer to what i wanted to do.

And my dad continued, "Take it as a practice la. It doesnt matter whether you get or not since its not the u you want."

Seriously dad?! SERIOUSLY?!?!

It doesnt matter whether i get it or not?! Heck. Coventry University has scholarships with requirement of BBC for A levels or equivalent. Which is possible for me. Half the universities dont have scholarships for international students. Unless i'm some genius with all A*.

Doesnt matter whether i get it or not.

Dad. I dont think you understand how much this opportunity means to me. even if its not the university I want.

How can you tell me it doesn matter?!?! ='(

Ok. Thats all. ^^

I'm going to continue studying now. =3


28 October 2011

OK. I had to blog today. For some reason. LOLed.
I just started my A2 Exams. Finished P3 Maths!!! Woot!! =D seven more papers to go~ After that i'm freeeeeeeee~

OK. back to the main purpose of why i wanted to blog. i'm just going to enlighten you all with two random events that happened to me.

27 October 2011 [ After skating ]

I had to rush home cuz well mum asked me to come home early cuz tomorrow i have exams. hence, i did. I was being a good civilian minding my own business lined up at the traffic light going home. I know a lot of assholes (forgive my language) cut line at this traffic light when the line gets too long. Honestly I dont understand why cant they just freaking line up.

So this lady in a silver proton edged her bumper in front of my car obviously attempting to cut in when it turns green. Im sorry lady. This is MY turf. MY traffic light. And i aint letting you cut into my line!! So i edged forward. Then she looked at me like, "WHY THE EFF DID U DO THAT FOR?!?! D< " and she edged her car some more. I kept edging and she kept edging. Heck there's still plenty of space for me to edge im not really bothered. Then it happened.



And the lady came down from her car and knocked on my window asking me to wind it down. I did. So here's our "arguement" :


Me : Makcik, tak yah nak marah marah, I tak salah pun.


Me : Makcik, u laggar sikit je. u tak check pun camne tau damage besar ke tak.


Me : Makcik, tgk semua org beratur kat traffic light ni. susah sgt ke nak beratur makcik? Mmg jpj ajar salah kena bayar tapi i tak salah pun dlm situasi ini.


Me : MakCik, camne i dpt lesen u leh gi tanya lah jpj. undang i dapat 49/50. mmg betul kata makcik, i baru p lesen walaubagaimanapun i p lesen pun tau beratur kat traffic light apatah lagi makcik.


Me : Makcik, u nak report apa?! Situasi ni makcik salah tau. Makcik langgar curb tu. Makcik kena bayar ganti tuk curb tu. Apasal makcik tarik i masuk masalah makcik ngan curb tu.

MakCik : *stoned*

Then I was waiting for her reply. Traffic light turned green.

Me : Makcik, lampu dah hijau. u cepat settle ngan curb tu. nanti traffic jam susah.

Whee~ and that was last night =3

28 October 2011 [ After Maths Paper ]

So, a little self rewarding never hurt anyone. I went to the Kepong Court to skate. IKR damn hot oso go skate. Crazy bugger. Anyhow, so i went there mind my own business put my cones etc etc etc.

I was training halfway and well, its a park, its not unusual people walk by or sit on a bench. So this guy (who i assumed at that moment was talking a stroll) he walked pass the court and then took a seat at the bench under the tree facing the court. Not something out of the ordinary. I mean ive seen people sit there all the time while i train at the court.

Then i had this feeling (call it a 6th sense or whatever) that someone was watching. Not watching like "oh ok some crazy girl is skating in the hot sun" kinda watching. Its the kind of watching like "im gonna rape this person" kinda watching. I stopped to look around. Yeah ok bangla person on the phone. bangla person sweeping rubbish. and the guy at the bench.

Surprisingly the man on the bench was the last guy i suspected (talk about racist LOL). I went through the cones a few more times. I was looking at the man at the bench. not that he was sitting on the bench resting minding his own business. he was actually staring at me. I dont know. Maybe i just had this vibe it was safer for me to leave cuz he seemed to have been staring from the moment he sat down.

I decided to pack up and leave. I trust my instincts.

I skated to my car. (maybe it was a good n bad thing my car was near) Got in. Locked the door. (good to be paranoid sometimes)

OK so the man moved himself from the bench to the stairs.

I was unbuckling my skates. As my sight travelled to the back of the car to get my shoes I saw. I know what i saw. He was flicking his thingy thing thing. even the bangla cleaners saw and went "tgk apa dia buat tu?!"

And i was like...

Act like he's not there~ I saw nothing~ lalalala~ OMG my socks stinks~ Ahhh~ hot hot~
Why weather so hot~ i think im going to get sunburned~ tralalalala~ im hungry~

And after my changed my shoe. I drove off.

Here's a diagram: ^^V

boooo~ i had only 1hour+ of training...=(




15 October 2011

seriously tho...i have the most number of views from Malaysians followed by Russians...why...i do not know...XD

I'll put my wishlist at the bottom since a few of u ppl came asking what i wanted. OwO

I'm going to be sitting for A2 in two weeks time? im so relaxed besides the fact that this exam might determine whether i go overseas or not.

i dont really have much to blog about. havent been going to class for the past few weeks and i probably need to rewind my sleeping schedule again or else im going to have problems getting up on my exam day.

i wonder if i lost weight lately. Since i skip breakfast and lunch...sometimes dont even have dinner...maybe survive on a bag of chips...XD

life has been dull. im such a boring person. XD

oh well, imma go find something to do. just here to revive the blog a bit.


Birthday Wishlist :

1. Strength Nendriod

2. Dead Master Nendriod

3. Black Gold Saw Nendriod

4. Usagi Headbandsssss

5. Rilakkuma Plushie

6. Hoodie (even if i have so many already i still want one)

u dont really need to get me the stuff i listed...half the time nobody does...XD
anything u get me is fine really ^^


20 September 2011

Its been a while.

I'm sorry but this is going to be one of those super long blog posts about stuff most people dont really give a damn about.

So if you're not up for the reading. You may close the tab.

I started skating 3months ago. I used to skate and then i stopped. My A level's exams are a month away. honestly speaking, i am doing what i can to bring up my grades. but sometimes i dont understand how some of my classmates can actually study day and night.
honestly, i am not that kind of person.

But after dinner, i realize my parents somewhat expect me to turn into that kind of person.

I love skating. And since i hardly have any time to draw or for a matter, a fact, to get inspired with all this shit A Levels have been giving me, i turn to skating to provide me an escape from all this...nonsense.

To say i am not putting enough effort in my A levels is a lie. I am doing what i can. My brain capacity goes only this far. HOw much more brilliant do you expect me to be. I am sorry i cannot bring back straight As' like i used to for UPSR, PMR and SPM.

I cried cracking my brain trying to understand Mechanics for my trials. I dont understand. I kept reading. I dont even know what I'm reading. How am i to do the questions?!

I'm not some crazy ass robot that sits there facing the book 24 7.

Skating and the people that surround me became my refuge.

Maybe its just me. But my parents never seem to understand what i do and why i do it. Its not like i skate all the time and neglect my studies. But my dad puts things as if i'd rather skate than do well for my A levels. Somehow my parents, especially my dad, only likes it when i come back with straight As'.

I cant.

I told my parents there is a competition this weekend. I wanna go and win. Get myself cash for new wheels. And my mum says, "Dont need compete la...i give u the money."

I'm sorry. But what kind of "encouragement" is that?! and my dad goes on about how i keep skating and how i'm willing to jeopardize my chances of going to UK just to skate. I told them, they cant expect me to go to college study, come home study, after dinner study. I'm only human. Then my mum adds that most of the time im on the computer. I told her, my past year papers are online.

I'm sorry if i made it seem like i couldnt careless about how i do for my coming A Levels. But i really am doing what i can.

My dad tells me i can do whatever i want after my exams. And this is what's going to happen. They'd have the holiday planned. And i cant get out of it even if i wanted to. So how is that being able to do anything i want.

I hate A Levels. I am doing it because my dad wouldnt let me go into diploma.

I dont know where is this going. But i just needed to let it out.

I'm not complaining.

I wanted to bring something back during inter-college. Probably to show my parents that i'm not wasting my time skating. Go figure i came back with a bruise on my face which made them even more disapprove of me skating.

HOnestly i hate it when my parents do this to me. They say i dont listen to them.

Then again. WHat i have to say has no value to them.

You know what it feels like right now?

I feel stupid. For not being able to even uphold a freaking scholarship in TARCollege. And its just a 60% average. For not being able to score a scholarship with my SPM results. And my sister, PMR, has a scholarship to Singapore.

I'm happy for my sister. <3

I feel like the problem child nobody wants. I feel like i shouldnt be here.

I may be proud of how different i am and can be. But my parents dont seem to care. As long as i dont bring back the As'. They dont seem to acknowledge anything else. I dont have a high IQ like Andrew. This is a far as my brain can go.

Unbelievable how it took me 18years to realize this now.

My parents are only proud IF AND ONLY IF i bring back straight As'.

Anything else that doesnt have anything to do with As'. They dont give a damn.

I want to make them proud.

But its way beyond my capabilities.


22 July 2011

i have been neglecting my blog.

well i cracked my laptop sreen few days ago. some stupidity of mine to slip and slam my wheels into the screen. probably get it repaired by next week.

ZOMGWTFBBQ!!! this destop is so damn laggy. =__=

ok...back to my purpose of blogging today. =D


PART1 : Slalom training today

i decided to train today. usually i dont. cuz after thursday's 4hours of skate plus 2hours of dance, it'll automatically kill me for the next day as well. but i wanted to skate cuz i finished my test6!!! (tho i failed chemistry)

so i went upstairs to the usual corridor. unfortunately, someone was using it. so i had to skate in the one downstairs. which i do not like cuz the floor is so...not smooth...XD

i limitted my skating today cuz of the longkang. i do not want to roll into the longkang. that would be a bad thing. all i did was rocket and tried wheeling.

so Mr. Nyia walked by while i was skating.

Mr. Nyia : ahh...u skate here first la...
Me : i'm ok sir...i one person only...
Mr. Nyia : How long u skated already ar?
Me : er....
Mr. Nyia : about one month plus?
Me : i think so? (i really dunno)
Mr. Nyia: skate...skate backwards...
Me : *skates backwards*
Mr. Nyia : How long u take to learn ar...
Me : skate backwards? uh very fast oneeee...=)
Mr. Nyia : Break break...
Me : (here's where i prayed hard my t-break works) *does t-break*
Mr. Nyia : ohhh liddat la...

ok then he went to the badminton courts and left me alone.

then i skated some more. attempted to switch the foots of my rocket. and it worked!! like i switched left right left right falldown...(this happened once and only once) and just so happen someone walked by. this group of guys.

Guy : HEY COOL!!! how you do that?!?!
Me : *pull out earphones* er...practise?
Guy : *tries going down* aiyo cannot la...i cannot even do on shoes...
Me : hahaha...takes time la...
Guy : do something else...omg damn cool la...
Me : er...*does crazy*
Guy : wah...how u do...
Guy : damn flexible la...why her leg bend like that one...
Guy : some more? some more? 8D
Me : er...*heel heel snake*
Guy : fuh two wheels man...how long u practise ar?
Me : which one...
Guy : which ever la...those you jus showed us...
Me : er...all together one month plus...
Guy : walau eh...
Guy : do one more do one more...
Me : haha last trick already...i dont know anymore...
Guy : Ok ok...show...
Me : *reverse eagle*
Guy : what?!?!
Guy : how she put liddat...*tries*
Guy : aiya you dot need to try la u old de...XD
Guy : this one also within one month plus?
Me : yea...^^
Guy : i salute you...
Guy : are you part of a club or something?
Me : yea...we're in the process of being official...we meet every thursday 4pm...usually here...^^
Guy : and the skates?
Me : we provide rentals...RM5...for as long as you want to skate...^^
Guy : wow...ok ok...

and then they walked away...LOL...

so many people talking to me while skating today...shesh...
then Mr. Nyia walked by again...and then some random girl popped out of nowhere asking me about WoW.

then i was taking a corner and kien lam's friends from last time saw me and said hi. asked where is kien lam...how would i know man...XD

so that sums up skating today
i shud skate everyday and promote the club...LOL i feel like a promoter today...XD

PART2 : Pumping petrol

FIRST TIME in my life. I pumped my own petrol. all cuz i want to go to curve tomorrow but i am running out of petrol. (like two bars). so i went to petronas on my way home today. waited behind this guy and then noticed...eh! got green only one?!? i wan yellow!!!! so i had to reverse and switch.

so i waited behind this guy. and when he finished i went. i got out. walked to the pump. stood there and looked at the distance of my car's petrol thingy and the nozzle and my brain went...ok thats too far... i went back into my ca and moved it further front.

i remembered to open the thingy this time. i closed the door and i dont know how i dropped my car keys. LOL. so i picked it up and went to the machine.


ZOMG...how do you work this thing...

and i do not know how i came to the conclusion i had to put the credit card in first. but i did anyway. here's the funny part. i stuffed my card in the right way. its got stuck. usually the machine is supposed to suck it in. but it didn. so its stuck in there. and im like...ZOMGWTFBBQ!! MY CREDIT CARD IS STUCK!!!

i leaned back on my car and face palmed. looked back at the machine slot. O_O. eh?! where my credit card go?!! ok so the machine did suck it in. but the stupid machine spit it back out.

im like D< GO IN YOU STOOPID THING!!! shoves the credit card in again. ok so it sucked it in this time...and then it gave me access denied. spat my card back out.


i shoved my card in one more time. and finally it works.

yes. i am small and weak. and the pump is heavy. so when i took it out i was like...UFT!! WTF!! *uses two hands*

ok then i left it to pump. waited for it to click. then i moved it to the nearest riggit. and yes. again wit the heavy pump nozzle thingy. i remembered to take my reciept and close the thingy thing.

LOL. so much drama just to pump petrol...XD


very tired now...=3


25 June 2011

i went for parent lecturer day today. not as bad as my last one. but all my lecturers said they see me trying and putting effort but i need to try harder.

ain't life always been that way.

here you are giving it your all and the people around you think you could do better and say you should try harder. i've learnt in life never to have any expectations when it comes to anything cuz i'd just end up disappointed by the outcome if it doesnt turn out the way i expected. disappointment isnt a nice feeling. you see, without an expectation i kinda learn to take things as they come to me. i figured things be easier and less of an emotional roller coaster ride that way.

i'll hand it to my lecturers for noticing my efforts. yes. i did try very hard last sem. after my last parent lecturer day, i do not need another rough ride with my dad. go figure.

how is it that at points in life you feel as if you've given everything you had and yet the people around expect so much more for you and you just find it in your little human nature to attempt to fulfill that bit of expectation of them in you. for whatever purpose of self satisfaction it may lead to, i know i do it. i know people tend to say they dont live to please others but sometimes it is the one thing that drives us.

and then at some point in life you find that one tiny speck of self satisfaction cuz instead of struggling to reach other's expectations of you, you're finally doing something for yourself and the results come with a sense of self satisfaction where you can proudly and genuinely give yourself a good pat in the back and congratulate yourself for all the sacrifices and time spent on it. doing things for yourself isnt a crime.

so what happens when you'd rather do the things you love and satisfy your expectations of yourself rather than fulfilling expectations of others which seem out of reach for your standards. obviously it is more fun doing things you love rather than forcing yourself to do the things you have to to fulfill the expectations of others.

so at some point in life, life seems like a game. where you start off pretty easy. leveling up really quickly. completing simple quests. and then it gets hard after you reach level20~ where leveling seems to take forever and the quests now seemed like boring chores. and then it get impossible after level40~ where leveling takes days or weeks or even months! and the quests are jus way too troublesome to complete you couldnt careless. but you need the experience reward from the completion of the quest. so at some point in the game you decide to put away that stubborn ego of yours and finish the goddamned quest cuz you're already bored of killing mobs everyday.

why is it that things with higher priorities are the most unfun things to do?!


a little public announcement : IM BACK SLALOMERS!!! <3 COME FIND ME!! =D

maybe its just me, but skating everyday, watching myself progress made me realized if i actually had the same determination i had for skating as i had for studying i'd do pretty well. without fail. under the scorching malaysian sun. everyday after class (if the weather allows me). i skate. regardless of whether i lose my fairness cuz i did care back then about keeping me skin fair. and now i have two diff skin tones. XD

dont get me wrong. i still am trying very hard on my a levels.

but i spent one year in a levels putting time and effort plus tears into satisfying what my Asian parents expect from me. typical if you have chinese parents. they expect us to get straight As or something. if not. you're one lucky bastard. not having to deal with the pressure.

i dont know. but my parents are very comparative. well everyone in my family is. so there's pressure to perform better or at par with the other. honestly, it used to matter to me. probably the face problem got to me as well. but right now, i pretty contented jus to manage an average C. i dont care how many As my cousins got. i did my best. and even if its not good enough for my parents i know i did my best.

or maybe im being too easy on myself.

i know how the people around see more potential in you than you see in yourself. honestly when i look in the mirror i see a regular kid. nothing special. and there i have people wondering what i dont do cuz i cosplay, play the electone, dance, skate, draw, does taekwondo, write and has an incredibly random mind. LOL. self flattery much?!

A jack of all trades is a master of none.


on the side note. i discovered last week thursday i could put my feet to a reversed eagle without much effort. seems its something hard to do. LOL. i just did it to join the party. XD

go figure.

and i had THREE SECONDS OF JOY today when i held my reversed eagle and it went straight instead of the failed circle...

if only i could channel all that determination into my studies. LOL.


06 June 2011

looking at my archives for this year. i blogged way too little.

my formspring has been bait for trolls.

so a few days back some anonymous keyboard warrior asked me on formspring. well. not exactly asked. more of like accused. so Anon's "question" was that my life is full of lies and lying isn't it?

to tell you the truth. yes. my life is full of lies. some which i regretted telling and some which i dont. yes. lying is bad. but putting it in a way as if it is a matter of life and death when you lie in your life. i mean. sometimes its just a little white lie. when i dont feel like hanging out with my friends. i'd tell them im sick or not feeling so good to go. maybe it's just me. but having asked someone out and having them tell you they dont feel like it is kinda like saying i dont like to hang out with you. i do not deny the fact my life is loaded with lies. everyone lies. for good or bad thats another question. afterall there are always two sides to a story. the fact that the act of lying is so easy to commit. sometimes i do it unconsciously. then some wise old man would come tell me a lie would grow bigger and bigger. so what if it grows bigger and bigger. you just grow with it. its like writing your own spontaneous story. so people say a lie grows and soon you'd get caught. i had my fair share of being caught lying and being punished for it. (and its not pretty). not to say lying is good. but sometimes lying might just save your ass.

im assuming these two "questions" came from the same person.
so Anon asks "what do you feel if the person you love cheats on you and your relationship are nothing but lies and acts like some sort of theater play?"

obviously in the scenario you just gave me. you're a blind victim of a one sided love. i dont see a point in your partner cheating on you and taking you for granted if he/she really loves you the same way you love him/her. yes. there's pain that comes with finding out all that. some people are just not meant to make it to your future. besides, the pain will only make you stronger. trust me on this.

but i answered Anon, "i dont love people like that in the first place"

somewhat true in a sense if i already know this guy is a player and is not serious and has never been. when he pops the question, no matter how much i like him, why would i say yes?! maybe its just me. but based on my past heartbreaks. people like him are not worth my time and tears. dont go digging your own grave.

and then Anon (assuming same person) asked, "have you ever thought that you are also one of those people too?"

maybe i got a little defensive at this question. no. i dont think i have ever cheated on someone or toyed with anyone's emotions. i may have a problem keeping my distance and being not so friendly with other guys. nonetheless can be solved with a little self control. toying with someone's emotions is a very cruel thing to do. and people who do things like that are insensitive.

and...there's another keyboard warrior calling me a slut and whore and dumb on formspring.

as far as im concerned. i have never been slutty or whorey(is there such a word? XD)
as far as dumb is concerned. i know im not dumb.

so that was that. ahhh internet...u so funny sometimes...XD

my life is about to get a whole lot bumpier.


24 May 2011

[looking at the number of posts ive made this year. pft. pathetic]


ive been really easily agitated these past few days. actually its SUPER EXTREMELY EASILY agitated. probably because of recent events that kinda got out of hand to a certain extent.

i know very well that i am a nice person (not to brag). but these past few days showed me that not everyone deserve to be nice to. fine by me if you like me and stuff. i dont mind. i dont shun you aside and think its weird talking to a person that likes me. i dont like doing what i did few days back but i had to do what i had to do. blame my mood swings and whatever shit. but i am still irritated til today. (talk about keeping grudges)

maybe its because im currently having my exams. i tend to get cranky when im having exams. all that frustration and studying. and the constant guilty conscience bugging from the back of my mind everytime i get distracted and do something else.

maybe im jus in a lot of stress right now.

i deleted blocked and unfriended two people who i took as friends.

call me immature for my reasons of doing so. i did what i had to do.

i went to C2AGE last saturday and had loads of fun (seriously). as all the picture tags show i was cosplaying noel vermillion. im fine with people asking to take my photo. i'll smile and pose and let them take. no harm done. all in a days work for a cosplayer. i just realized i asked Kaze for a shoot but i forgot (ahhh sorry). under the circumstances the character did get a handful of attention (partially cuz of the bearback and short skirt...and some genuine blazblue fans).

maybe most boys are born stupid and clueless. i dont mean to discriminate against him but he is more of a spectator in the cosplay community. and asking me for a photoshoot on that day?! i was too nice to slap him in the face with a straight NO. i told him i was busy and came up with excuses. and figures. being a stupid boy he doesn get the message. and he bugs me for the entire day. on and off asking me if im free now. and yes i got fucking annoyed by it. its like when you're trying to sleep and every 5seconds a mosquito flies near your ear. i dont know what his intensions were wanting to have a photoshoot on that day. but judging for my costume. i pick my photographers wisely.

so a supposedly happy ending to my day at C2AGE turned out me going home frustrated as ever. and yes. for bugging me and not understanding that no means no. i blocked deleted and unfriended him. kthxbye.

and then alex was being a nice guy trying to explain on behalf of him.

even if you did apologize. i am a girl and i have myself to protect. you showed a side of you that would distort that safety. and so i dont plan to come near you ever.


fine by me. that probably started the fire.

i was gonna study on sunday but my arms hurt from trying to get the band out on saturday. and yes my body still aches like hell. so i decided to study later that night.

then monday came and i sat for my paper and came home. i screwed my paper. so yeah. practically in the downers already when i got home. and i came online. chatted with a couple of people. then it got ugly when he said "please..im not your toy..."

i am highly aware you like me. and how did i ever toy with you. even if you say you do know what being toyed is i dont think you have the concept right. i have never toyed with anyone's feelings because of the fact that i know how much it hurts. im not some insensitive person to go and fool around with other people when i already have mine. i made it clear that i belong to someone else.

if i was toying with you i would just let you be my boyfriend. let you think you have me when in actual fact im not. use you etc. and come one day and tell you i was just fooling around.

its a fucking inhumane thing to do.

so i got pissed. very pissed. with the stupidity of the boys that surround me.

i remember you telling me to ignore you.

with pleasure, i did. kthxbye.

and i do recall telling you. if someone irritates the shit out of me. i will fucking hate that person for life.

i am still quite annoyed today. for some reason.

maybe the feelings kinda carry forwards and stuff.


on the side note. i spent my morning watching a documentary on Jack the Ripper. kinda grew fond of him/her for some reason. and its been more than 100years since it happened and people are still argueing about his/her identity. the mystique of the whole identity of the killer makes the story all the more fun.

but after watching the documentary. i wonder why Jack stopped killing after his fifth victim. and i noticed he drew a circle around east london. (not relevant really jus something i spotted when they showed the places where the bodies were found).

believe it or not. i can use Jack the Ripper for GP under media. >D

time for P6 maths.


16 April 2011

Note: This is a rant post. So if you're not here to read about my rants you can leave. kthxbye.

excuse my language. (if i do swear)

i still call it school even if im already in college cuz it still feels like school. i wake up at 6 and come back at 4. school. minus the uniform and the rules on hairstyles and nails. just finished my mid terms. i guess i did make a resolution to improve after the recent bitch slap from semester one's year end test where i barely made it through my subjects.
so im pretty happy with my results for my recent test. thought looking back at the paper, i was so very careless. in other words i couldve done better. then again, i'd give myself a pat in the back for being able to maintain my 60 average again, even if it didn't mean a thing any more.
this isnt exactly a rant (not so violent yet).
well, im pretty happy for YoonVoon and John. ^^ maybe it's just me but its weird seeing you two together. (dont get me wrong if you guys are reading) YoonVoon started off so blur. funny seeing the two of you. makes me jelly sometimes.
ok so what MissJoanna (GP teacher) said during class the other day had its bits of truth in it. though i was really pissed with her pin pointing me. yes it was me who had a question as my thesis statement cuz it has never occured to me it could never be done and you never said it couldnt. and i didnt go and ask for extra marks. why'd you have to pin point me in class and tell me you couldve given me more marks. now that i think of it, maybe you gave me 69 just to piss me off. you know...the feeling you get when you are 1mark away from a better grade. yeah. fucked up feeling aint it?!

i guess it pretty much time to quit blaming the sucky education system in our country for our flaws. we have the internet on our hands unlike back in the days when we didnt. figured the education system aint gonna get any better. we should make do with what we have and stop waiting to be spoon fed (and we have a lot). not that i am on MissJoanna's side, but it is true that our english level is so LOW. take it from me who speaks english as my first language, when i took that UNESW (hopefully spelled it correctly. its an english test from australia btw) english test when i was in form5, hell it was hard shit man. i got credit though (barely).

typical human nature to blame others and never ourselves aint it?

time to change.

my bad if you're reading this and think im trying to provoke you (this goes to u dad). but this is freedom of speech, even if freedom is never absolute. so if those who have following my facebook updates, i did post up something saying i'd quit cosplaying.
i dont know. but at that point i posted that status it dawned to me that what i have been trying to do had been a losing war all this while. here's how i see it. there's a shoot tomorrow which i am dying to go after hell of a week. so as usual i asked for permission. here's where part one of the drama started. i told the truth. and as expected my parents got worried. and they made it clear to me the fact of the odds of someone kidnapping me / rapping me / selling me off to prostitution etc. so to me it was an obvious NO that was no use fighting for a YES.
the fact is. i do not know how to explain why cosplayers have photoshoots. its just something we do. and my dad saw this photoshoot as a petty reason to parade around town. puhleezzeee...if i wanted to parade so badly i'd be dressed in cosplay going to college and everywhere else i went.
then i had a thought. why was it ok when i said i'd be going out with people from college or school?! i mean, the rapist kidnapper issue NEVER comes out when i go out with these people. i dont know. i just bummed i couldnt go for the shoot tomorrow. was so looking forward to it.

i know you guys worry bout me and care for me. but sometimes it gets on my nerves how protective you guys can get. dont get me wrong, when im a mother someday i might jus do the same thing. so i'd go on a fit for some time and then just brush off the fact that i couldn go for it. i know you guys love me and are only looking out for whats best for me. (im saying all this so that PEOPLE will not come and tell me the same shit i already know)


but seriously. it does irritate me A LOT.

People who randomly add:
I'm sorry you're retarded and do not understand the fact that unless i know you i will NOT ACCEPT your friend request. i'm not those people who race to get thousands of friends on facebook and then later on complain about having so many people on their friend list they dont know. i'm not those dumb ass idiots. it's like spitting gum on the ground and stepping on the same gum and ranting about it. purely idiotic. and giving me a reason such that you like cosplay so you add me cuz im a cosplayer. since when has it dawned to you just cuz you like cosplay it makes you entitled to be my friend. sorry. but you'd have to go to some other idiot cosplayer to be accepted cuz i will not accept you bloody request.

i know i can jus ignore the request. but this is a rant.

and if you jus keep pm-ing me that just makes you an desperate ass hole.

People who click those stupid links:
out of 900+ friends on my facebook a handful of you guys are dumb enough to click on the links that go around popping up on my chat like that msn virus shit. its fucking annoying ok?! how dumb do you have to be continually do it? and now there's some other lame porn links that the bunch of perverts click. i guess i laughed a bit at those. its like "HAHA YOU PERV!!" lol. but one i got the most today is some invitation for a dislike button. OBVIOUSLY it isnt real. and it pisses me off cuz it like creates and event and pm me and invites me. its irritating! ive ignored like 10invites so far. i have so many dumb asses on my friendlist.

how annoying facebook has become.

Facebook chat fluctuating:
i dont know. but facebook chat has become like some radioactive decay. it randomly becomes offline and online again and again. and this is irritating when i actually WANT to chat with someone but i cant send our my message cuz it is offline. and then it goes back online for 5seconds. FIVE FUCKING SECONDS. and within that time frame you havent even typed finish what you wanted to say it goes offline again. one of the reasons why i am no fan of facebook chat.

facebook chat = radioactive decay.



11 April 2011

apologies to my darling readers. (checking stats) either you guys constantly check my blog hoping i'd update or you guys just like dropping by. i kinda expected my views to drop drastically since i stopped blogging constantly. ok enough with the long winded explanations.

i decided to blog today cuz people have asked me for the kazillion and one-th time this question and i honestly never know how to answer.

Why do i take picture? (or anything related to photography)


i started photography as something of an interest. not to say i planned for it to be a serious hobby like it has become now. i just found the love of capturing the bits in pieces of life. a certain self satisfaction when i capture emotions in my pictures.

not forgetting the people who made their way into my life. =3

frankly speaking i do not know why i took up photography. it just happened.

not to say i am a pro at it. every photographer has their way of taking photos and their favourite subjects of photography. well, i take practically anything. XD

i like taking pictures of nature. one of the reasons why i wanted a macro lens. since i was a kid (god i sound so old XD) i always had this thing with nature. or maybe it was all that tv i watched during that time. things on tv can make nature the most amazing thing ever! =D

sometimes. there's just perfection within all that ruble.

i wonder what my pictures say bout me...=3
dont lie...i know this made you smile...>D


another question is:

Whether i liked taking pictures or having my pictures taken better?

LOL. honestly. i never saw being a model(thats whut u call someone who gets their pictures taken) as part and parcel of something that i'd get hooked on. not that i saw myself as someone who was picture perfect. (i look ugly at some angles). i dont mind having my pictures taken.

photographers got to practice one way or another. if they ask me, i dont mind.

but given a choice to be photographed or be the photographer.

i'd be the photographer. OwO


see...short update...><

i dont really wanna update cuz then i'd end up posting some emo post and get all of you guys worried...^^

but since i have something to mumble about today...might as well...^^

Lots of love,

20 March 2011

(sorry chemistry i have to do this first)
(picture stolen from rei chan's blog cuz i have no other picture of him)


ah i cant remember the last time i dealt with someone significant in my life leaving and knowing they're never coming back.
so this is in loving memory of Mr. VJ. who was my sejarah tuition teacher when i was in form5. the funniest and the best history teacher that ever walked on the face of the earth ♥.

he passed away this morning from liver cancer.

and i didn get the chance to thank him for the A in my sejarah for SPM. and to tell him how great of a teacher he is. T^T

His many quotes:


"malaysia terdiri daripada cina, melayu, india, sakai, kokai and pokai."

"XXX bomb YYY so YYY hamchoi!"

"girls are good, boys are better."

"girls are good, boys are...?"
"don't look at me, i didn't say that, i'm innocent."

(yea. the emphasis on how boys are better. :'D)

"itu semua BULLSHIT punya."

"...right or not, girls?"
"aiya. girls always say no but inside they mean yes..."


and some closer to my personal memories. ♥

"Good morning class."
"Afternoon la sir..."
"Kat jepun morning whut..."

"...sebab hiroshima kena atomic bomb. nenek datuk ayah abang adik cucu moyang dia semua lari masuk sini sebab rumah dah ham choi..."
"mana ada!!! O_O"
"ada la...pastu satu hari datuk moyang dia kat lombong tgh lombong bijih timah pastu tersengaja nmpk...HUAAAAA...ha...pastu kahwin la..."
"tu la pasal kita ada Kong dalam kelas...ha Kong?"
"bila mau balik jepun..."


sigh. i found out thru rei chan bout his death. or else i wouldnt even know he passed away. life is funny sometimes. i only know Mr. VJ for one year which was in 2009. he only thought me for one year. but within that one year, sitting through his classes, was one of the happiest hours of my life.

Mr. VJ is a happy man who loves teaching. ♥ and no doubt he is loved by all his students. (unless youre really those sour face study geeks who cant take a joke) he taught a subject where MOST students would fall asleep in class (cuz i did) but somehow i never felt sleepy in his class. in fact he kinda made me like history for once. which i considered something quite impossible to do.

ah i got to brush this off and go back to studying my chemistry.

i ♥ u, Mr VJ. ^^

thanks a bunch for all you have taught me =D

lots of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

18 March 2011


These are Japanese Ema(絵馬) boards.
These are small wooden plaques where people write their prayers and wishes. then are hung at shrines for the gods to receive them. ^^

i meant to blog about this earlier but i havent found the time. ive got time now. somewhat multitasking while watching tv at the same time. ^^

we are aware that japan was hit by an earthquake of magnitude 8.9 on Friday, March 11, which brought to a lot of death and problems that are happening and more to come. and although there are some parts of the world or at least the minority of the world's population that couldn't find in the tiniest bit of their hearts to be sympathetic about japan's current situation, the world continues to help whenever they can. ^^

i am malaysian but sadly i am ashamed of what malaysia is doing with this situation. first of all, the ultraman comic art published on berita harian.

this is for one a very insensitive joke. i dont see how berita harian could publish such a thing. are they not aware that this kind of work brings up a lot of sensitive issues. people in japan are struggling to survive and manage with the damage that the tsunami has left them and here we are, making fun of it. and what more do we expect for the nation of our leaders and celebrities (which are considered to be role models of the country) themselves are insensitive towards this situation that hit japan.

Twitted by one of our malaysian actors.

how can she say that this tsunami is god's way of punishing the japanese for mindlessly building up their country without caring for the environment?! so she's saying god is punishing all those who does not care for the environment?? then im sorry to say then majority of those in this world should be punished. Japan has a well developed train system that MOST of all japanese people use it to get to anywhere and everywhere. if it wasnt the train, they'd cycle for closer distances or they'd just walk. how is that not environmentally friendly compared to malaysia where almost every Malaysian family has either a car or a motorcycle and we pratically drive everywhere. and Japan has its fair share of beautiful parks which are very well taken care of compared to those in Malaysia.

however i am for one happy that people around the world are still doing what they can to help japan.
Youtubers :
NigaHiga // KevJumba // VictorKim // Chester See // MikeSong
Really appreciate what you guys are doing ^^ real cute. =3

Shane Dawson

love you guys for all the efforts in helping the japan when most of the world is being cruel about the situation.

then there's this thing on the internet saying NOT to donate to japan.
>> click me <<

another thing i found cute >> socks for japan <<

well whether or not the people reading my blog decide to be sympathetic towards japan. or whether i do actually help by blogging about japan. at least i can help japan the very least i can. well donation links are at the bottom of the post. ^^ feel free to help in whatever way you can.

although there are still people in the world who find it pointless to help japan. or maybe they see the tsunami as a punishment (some sort of god's might) for all their cruelty during World War II or the NanKing massacre, mainly the wrong doing of their ancestral past. (so sue me for my lack of general knowledge)

i wonder why all the politicians are safely home or placed somewhere while the rest of japan are trying to settle the situation at hand. yes they send their condolences for death and what nots. but why are they sitting behind the microphone and not out there helping. not that im bitching bout the japanese government or anything.

but in this situation, it becomes every man for himself.

anyhow. here are the donation links. ^^

1. Red Cross:
Text "redcross" to 90999, and you can make a $10 donation
>> click here <<

2. Save the Children:
Tweet: @savethechildren for updates
>> click here <<

3. World Vision:
TEXT text "4japan" to 20222 to send a $10 donation
Tweet: @Worldvisionusa for updates
>> click here <<

4. Citizen Effect:
Follow @ericschmidt for updates (Google's CEO)
>> click here <<

5. American Humane Association:
Tweet @americanhumane for updates
>> click here <<

so here i write my wishes ( cuz i didn get the chance to when i was in japan and has nothing significant to really wish for )
i hope Japan heals from this disaster and although the situation seems to worsen as seconds past. i hope for the best for Japan at this time of tragedy. not that i can do much. though i wish i could do more.

cant imagine my life without anime and manga and japanese music. OAO!!

Lots of love,

01 March 2011

[[a little side track from the Japan trip blogging. i havent had the time to edit the pictures for you guys. sorry. m(_ _)m ]]

so my time table for my mid terms are out. i roughly have 3weeks to study up everything i have learnt for the past 6months of my life last year. and as usual MissOng got me scared again.

i started okay. studying and all for last week. but now i'm kinda losing momentum again. damn.

im not here to blog about my studies. i know they suck. though im trying to bring them up. ^^

[taking this shot was really hard. i was scared and the beetle was literally running]

i guess there comes a point in life where we have to take a step for something. even if its the dumbest thing on earth to do.

and i did exactly that.

it felt like a scene from some movie. minus the bit of reality in it.

so yeah. these past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me. for those who got worried, my apologies. i'm fine now. ^^ [i think]

maybe hell might start all over again. but right now as of this moment its like, i've been in hell over and over again for so many umpteenth time, if it does happens again, it happens. then i just cry my eyes out and get over it in a few days. settled. sometimes even with so many people by your side, somethings are meant to be kept to yourself.

the way i phrased it, it seems like the easiest thing to do.

maybe cuz hell does feel like heaven in a way. ♥

MrKeong made me realize today about "What if..." while i was teaching him how to edit the blog header i did for him.
[sir, u dont need to buy me lunch or anything...^^ glad to help]

so what if i dont get to do animation or computer graphics or whatever you call it. where do i go? i kinda like MrKeong. i think he's my favourite lecturer of all my lecturers. ^^ i know i told MrKeong my second option was to go into journalism. honestly, that came out on the spot. i never had a second option about it. in fact, i never really thought of "what if...". but i figured if i cant draw my ideas and make them come alive on the screen, i can always do it with words. besides, i've always liked reading. maybe i can write my own book and do my own illustrations. =D two in one!!!

ahhh the epitome of life...XD

the fact that MrKeong asked me that question out of nowhere and my answer came out of god-knows-where made me wonder about what i'm actually going to do if i dont get to do what i want to do.

i think if life was a computer no one would use it cuz
there is no ctrl+z for you to undo your silly try and errors.
there is no delete button for you to erase all your mistakes and shame.
there is no recycling bin for you to restore what you damaged.
there is no rewind button for you to go back and do it all over again.
there is no refresh option for you to start over.

or maybe its cuz we're all so used to having the liberty of just using the shortcut in handling our petty human flaws, we dont know how to handle things when there is no more undo.

MrKeong made me realize today. that i may only know the basics for some things and there may be people out there who are way better than me, but its still a skill point compared to those who haven't got a clue at all. ^w^

don't flame me.
this is a short little post before i go on with my studying and shower.
sorry for not updating frequently...i feel terrible depriving my darling readers parts of my not-so-exciting life.
so im gonna update you guys today.

yes. i am going to study again.
i am still human and need to do what i wanna do at some time and some point in my life.
i wonder why you guys even read my blog. [degrading self]

plus im anticipating the game Alice: Madness Returns to be out in 1 June 2011 *excited*
yes there is a countdown on my desktop for it.

but hey. i have a countdown on my desktop for my Mid Terms as well. =D

and the reminder of the SWC stuff i have to do.

and my cosplay progresses.

and a clock.

and somewhat mt study timetable. but most of the time i just pick a subject and study. yeah. i lack discipline sometimes. but heck, im studying one way or another rite? 8D

l♥ve ya lots,

05 February 2011

Currently in Johor. Spending the last few days of Chinese new year. XD
I did the pictures during the car ride until my lappy ran out of battery. Had dinner at my aunt's place and then migrated to my uncle's place where we'd stay for the night. i finally finished the pictures, uploaded and pasted all the links.

if im not mistaken there are 138pictures in this post.
which i have resized once again for the dear readers who have slow internet speed.


On this awesome day...we went to Shoseien Koen.

And then we went to Higashi Honganji

We seriously did A LOT of walking. After that we went to Kyoto National Garden. we didn go into Kyoto imperial palace but we walked around it!!! XD
Some tumour growth on a tree...LOL
Dried bee anyone? XD

Random things along the way
I wanna take a cat nap oso...so tired from all that walking...orz

Then we went to Kenninji Temple...piggie temple...XD

Then we went to catch the sunset. <3
Yesh. i phail.


Then we walked to see the Temmangu Ox and Mani Wheels.

And we walked summor...looking for dinner...XD

DINNER!!! (this officially became our favourite restaurant)
seriously people going to japan who are staying in Osaka who are staying where we are shud really try this shop out...=D



so i didn take much pictures on this day. BUT I HAD HELLA FUN SHOPPING!!! =D
we went to shinsaibashi.
I bought my darling DeadMaster here. <3
Then we met up with my dad's friend and have dinner. =D



Yesh. we went to the deer park today!!! XDD
So dad bought the little biscuits we;d use to feed the deers and handed it to my sister. (BIGGGG mistake) cuz then she started feeding them. and i only got one piece of biscuit btw. (im a sad deer...XDD) and they started swarming around her and she got scared. budak bandar...kan tak de experience benda ni...XD
well other than that little drama.

SOME CRAZY DEER BUTT MY BUTT FOR NO UTTER REASON!!!!!!!!! (he wan biscuit.me no biscuit.)

Then we went to Yoshikien Garden.
Deer poop cleaning session...XD


um...OMG I FORGOT!!! i have no idea whut this is...orz
*scratches head* damn...my memory is starting to deteriorate...


OK! THIS! Thingy with the gold shiny horns that shine too much in the sunlight.
is called Daibutsuden.
Camwhore with buddha and unknown statues...XD
It is actually possible to squeeze into that hole...=D (or maybe its jus me)

More deers roaming freely...XD
ya i went on a deer touching rampage. i wanted to touch every deer i saw but i was scared they'd butt me (like the first one)


Deer oso do some souvenir shopping...XD

SO HANDSOME THE DEER!!! *raburabu*

FOOD!! A little snack...
Green tea ice creammm FTW!!!
Some sticky rice cake thingy in red bean soup

Follow me deers!!! =D *happy*

Damn i forgot whut this place is as well...OTL

so after walking a lot. mum wanted to buy some sweet potato from the road side vendor. so she bought la. then my mum was happily enjoying and peeling her potato. slowly noming on it. den the deer come. STEAL THAT POTAYTOEEEEE!!!!!!!!
lol scare the crap outa my mum.
Bishie Deer~ OwO

Some Pagoda and some temple...
(argh!! i dunno la...all the temples and a=pagodas look the same to me)

Random nature shots
THIS!! IS SO KYUTE!!!! (i dont know why)

THIS!!! IS EVEN CUTER!!!! (sucker for cute stuff)
Display by the road...XD

OK. so the MAIN reason why we were even around the area was cuz my mum wanted to see the lights. it was some sort of tourist attraction thingy they had for christmas.

so yeah. obviously there was a sea full of people. and yes i am WAAAAAAAYYYY too short to take a picture of it (being drowned by the crowd). XD




I am extremely sleepy right now. Tomorrow have to go visiting. XD
but i am so so glad i finally finished this post.

This would be the 2nd last post on japan. ^^