29 December 2008

i aint numbering this post. but hey...of all the tags i've dismissed. lets do one for old times sake.
p.s. i skipped the first part though...i aint tagging other people.

First Name : Rachel
Nickname : ...[technically u can give me any crappy name you want]
Name you wish you had : Andriod001
What do people normally mistake your name as : Lizard
Birthday : 16th November 1992
Birthplace : i came out of this gigantic orby thingy that crashed onto Earth
Time of Birth : T-minus twenty hundred seconds [if that even makes sense]
Single or taken : what would you like to know...
Zodiac sign : Scorpio...and i sting...xD

-Your Appearance-

How tall are you : um...160cm
Wish you were taller : YEAHHH...i'm like short short...
Eye color : my eyes are filled with the crappiness of my life...see...it's dark brown...
Eye color you want : emerald green
Natural Hair color : black...and when the sun shines it become brown...serious brown
Current Hair color : [read the above]
Ever dye your hair a bizarre color : i'm gonna dye my hair white//green//red...whichever works...xD
Last time you did something dramatic with your hair : you know...during phantom...i had like 500++ hair clips on my head...
Glasses or contacts : doesn matter to me...
Do you wear make-up : *coughs* hell no!!!
Ever had hair extensions : why would i do that?!?!
Paint your nails : when i need to...yes

-In the opposite gender-

What color eyes : i want snowy blue...
What color hair : any colour's fine really
Shy or Outgoing : both...i can deal with both shy and outgoing...
Sexy or Cute : *stares* i have no comments
Serious or Fun : well you can't have fun all the time now can you?!
Older or Younger than you : it's not like i'm gonna date him or anything...so age doesn't really matter...xD
A turn on : what do you want me to turn on?! tv?! computer?! radio?!
A turn off : hey..make up your mind here...turn on or off?!?!

-This or that-

Flowers or Chocolates : chocolates
Pepsi or Coke : coke
Rap or Rock : both
Relationship or One night stand : how about both...lawls...
School or Work : i go to school and i get homeWORK...so what's there to choose...
Love or Money : wahahaha...if the guy has so much moolahh i'd end up waiting for im to die...xD
Movies or Music : both...
Country or City : city
Friends or Family : how am i suppose to choose here...stupid

-Have you ever-

Lied : dont tell me you havent?!
Stole something : like an eraser, a few pencils, some pretty plastic crystal thingys...lawls...yeah i have...
Smoked : N E V E R
Hurt someone close to you : intentionally and unintentionlly
Broke someone's heart : how would i know...
Had your heart broken : THAT is NONE of your business
Wondered what was wrong with you : all the time...all the time
Wish you were a prince/princess : i am a prince?! owh yeah...bow down before me!!
Liked someone who was taken : why? have you?!
Shaved your head : no...why in the world would i do THAT?!?!
Used chopsticks : to eat in Sushi King u use chopsticks...YEAH I USE CHOPSICKS!!! stupido questiono
Sang in the mirror to yourself : i couldn't even start...i LOL-ed at myself...

Flower : heh...i'll let you figure that out...
Candy : mars bars!!!
Song : Davy Jones from Pirates of The Caribbean 3...that little melody davy jones plays on the piano of his...yeah...awesomeness...
Scent : you know the smell of famous amos cookies when you walk pass the store...gahhh!!! i'm gonna raid the store...
Color : this is stupid...
GoldMovies : what gold movies?!?!
Singer : ME!!! wahahaha...yeah when it rains...it's MY FAULT!!!
Word : lawls
Junk food : potato chips
Website : you're at it...
Location : MPH. Kinokunia. Borders. Times. Tower of Records. and obviously...MY ROOMMEH...
Animal : i love all creatures furry. bald. sharp. prickly. small. large. dirty. clean. all of them.


Ever cried over someone : do you have to ask?!
Is there anything you wish you could change about yourself : you don't know half of it
Do you think you're attractive : you asking me this?! well...i think i'm the fugliest person on the face of the earth
If you had to choose a fairytale as your life what would you choose : Grim's
Do you play any sports : i'm gonna slap you if you make me list down another damn thing.
What colour is your shirt : what colour is my what?!?! ou...it's black...
Do you wear matching undies : three letters...W-T-F
If you were to play the lead in a horror flick, what would your character be : wahahah...i'd be this andriod vampire shapeshifting guy [a girl can play a guy okay...i'm flat chested]. and the Grim Reaper's my father. and i go around killing people!!! muahahahaha...

fuhhh..it's done...
that was quick..xD
i miss the days where i could just sit still and not think of anything.
i miss those days where i could just breath and not feel the burden.
i miss the days where i would just skip everything and forget everything.
i miss those days where i'd sleep for majority of the day, get up for food and sleep again.

now i find myself at the edge of my seat.
i can't sit still.
i need something to do.
now i find myself wasting the remains of my year confused.
i can't think.
i need to breath again.

i got out of bed today. in exactly 2days it'd be new years eve.
everyone goes to count down. watch the fireworks. welcome the new year of 2009. make new year resolutions. and keep whatever that happened this year behind.
i'll get out of bed tomorrow. in exactly 1day it'd be new years eve.
everyone's making preparation for new year. set their clocks to ring at midnight. make arrangements to watch the fireworks. with friends. family. with the entire world.
i'll get out of bed on the 1st of January 2009.
everyone's still asleep from yesterday's celebration and party. school starts soon. the new year starts. time to make with what's here and now. this is a begining of an end.

i am not going to point fingers at anyone. but i found parts of my recent post in one of your blogs. rest assured i am very pissed at this. once again i am containing my anger as i am not supposed to explode as promised. you know who you are. and yes i can prove that you stole it, heck...i posted it earlier than you. if it mere coincidence, doesn't mean every single word has to be exactly the same. i hate it when this kinda crap happens.

my life is like a freakshow. everyday i do something stupid and leave it at there. then i hop blogs and read about others and their lives. the more i read. the more i wish mine was theirs. the more i wish i could switch lives with them. how is it everytime i get out of bed, it feels so much of a drag. god damn it. i got 24 hours to live again. i am forcing myself to blog today. i don't know why.


i want to be that happy estatic blogger again.

28 December 2008

i've been staring at this page. backspacing everything i was typing. i think this is the tenth time i'm typing it out. every time it's a different story but i end up running out of word before i could continue. and i decide i shouldn't talk about it since i have nothing more to type than three pathetic sentences. spam on the key thinking it was the backspace button but the letters don't disappear. it's the print screen button. FUCK. apply pressure on the freaking button. watch the letters i typed few seconds ago disappear.
change the window. skip this song. ask myself "why am i even blogging today". return to this window. stare at the emptiness of the box here where i was supposed to type.

i stopped for five minutes. i can't post anything today. FUCK i dont know what to type. i don't know what to post. i slept today. afternoons nowadays feel as if i was sitting on the stove. in the microwave. in the oven. i used to be able to sleep in the afternoon when i needed to with just the fan on. and right now it's FUCKING unbearable. right now even with all my lights off and my fan directly blowing at me at full speed. i still feel the heat. and end up waking up all sweaty. damnation. global warming.

internet's lagged again. don't blame me. i have been trying to upload all the pictures everytime i come online. i can't do anything about it. so really. pictures will take forever to get up. it's not that i don't want to. i fucking can't.

like i said. i kept to my words of no more four letter words. you see none.

P.S. the movie "the day the world stood still", don't waste your cash. don't waste your time. with the shallow story line. plus i don't even understand the fucking show. alien comes to earth in this orb thingy. havoc. havoc. alien sheds skin. turn human. i'm gonna save the earth. kill all man kind. havoc. havoc. big robot protector thingy. swarm of puny eat-everything bugs. havoc. world's gonna end. we're all gonna die. alien guy changes mind. saves their lives. goes to the orb thingy. big bright light. energy supply goes dead. orb thingy goes away. mankind lives. the end.

when did the earth stood still?!?!?!?!?!

26 December 2008

chirstmas is gone. i have no chimney for santa to come down on. though there's a christmas tree it's small but enough to spark up a little christmas spirit in everyone who enter. and the presents pile up underneath that tiny tree. the tiny foam wrapped in metalic paper presents hang. minature santas on sleighs. and unedible candy canes. the lights twinkle. with the silver star on the top. i unwrap the presents at the stroke of midnight. not so excited as i was 10years ago. i have lost my christmas spirit along with everything else. so i try to hide behind the fake little jolliness i put up. and smile when i yank open to find something i don't want under the tree. but they say it's a season for giving and not recieving. and here is where i sink deeply into the shadows.
i fought with my mum the day before christmas. about the way i am and how she tries to understand but doesn't. about how i talk too loudly and how rude i sound at times. about how i seems to close the door at her everytime she tries to talk to me. and the soap opera started. yes she cries again. and no i do not feel sorry for her. instead i'm sorry for me. of how i couldn't be some picture perfect soft spoken daughter she wants. of how i failed to just communicate with her when she wants to. of how life never seems to be a bed of roses with me around.
i ran and hide. that's what i do everytime life turns its back on me. i run. never wanting to face reality like i always have. reality seems to hurt way too much. in my space i hide. sitting at the corner where paper meets pen. and down goes my feelings on to the once blank piece of paper. no doubt i was just waiting to see my dad walk through those door with something to say about my little act with my mum that day. i am never wrong about this. i skip every song going through my ear drums. listen to the first five seconds and skip.
it gets sickening at this time. when you want to listen to music but every song that crosses your senses don't suit. and you find yourself just skipping every single song in that machinery you plug your ears to. and you have no choice because the sounds of the world just makes your stomach sick and your insides turn inside out. because at that time you'd rather turn deft than listen to any of the squabbles that's going to come your way.

so what happen to this once happy blogger.

life happened.

and now i feel caged. staring out the window with holes in my jeans. holes in my shoes. holes in my soul. where the emptiness lives to corrode the littleless spark of hope. spark of happiness. that is left. yeah. half of you would roll your eyes reading this just like that. without understanding what it must be like to be in my shoes. whatever crosses your mind. is just how i needed the attention. how i am being emotional. and how i just don't want to accept life as it is. so i say FUCK YOU.
go out more often. see the world. see what's happening in the alley behind your home. watch how everything slowly dies. observe how everything that's there to bring good now is more of a liability. weapons meant to protect lives now do more harm than protect. the world is no longer a place to run about outside and think you'd come back alive. everyday it's a struggle once your eyes open. it's a brand new day to relive what you lived yesterday.
grab your morning coffee. "what aroma?" you ask. take the papers and sits on the table sipping on your coffee reading the headlines. hair undone. teeth unbrushed. you walk into your office. face all the people who smile and pretend like they're your pals. when behind you they stab and kill every bit of goodness in you. everyone's smiling at you today. thinking it must be your day or something. hoping there's a promotion coming your way so you wouldn't need to eat chips for breakfast lunch and dinner. struggle to keep up with the rent. jolly you walk into your boss's office thinking he'd give you a step up after your latest project you spent sleepless nights on and worked over a runny nose and sore throat. then he gives you the pink slip and tells you to pack. cuz he didn't like you concept and neither did the critiques.
no you do not speak any more. you pack your stuff thinking of the rent now. and how you're going to fill this empty stomach of yours. your car breaks down on your way home. what are you gonna do. twenty bucks in your wallet for tonight's dinner. you call the tow truck and your line goes dead. you stand in the cold. what are you gonna do.

i'm a mere pupette in this game life plays. life pulls my strings. i have no might to fight and obey. life tosses me around and into the dirt. i just take it as it is. how scratched and rusted i may be. life doesn't care. life burns me and pierced through my system. poisoning everything i once love.

yeah. that's you life.

FUCK life.

22 December 2008

dont blame me for not updating. yes. i know i'm supposed to upload pictures from my Singapore trip. i tend to procrastinate a lot for all the people who haven't realized it. so for the past two days, i had my entire out of home for CF. my feet ended up being very sore from the first day itself. maybe it because i'm not used to the platform heels i wore with my loli. and walking was a real hastle on the first day. i think i stepped on at least 5 feets when i was walking. sorry. yes i spent a lot of money buying lots of stuff. i bought my two beloved Death note figurines. and now i have three.

day two of CF was more bareable. stupid performance. yeah i screwed up at the end. stop reminding me la. even i know. then again not all comments were bad. not that i really cared. at that time i just wanted to get it over with. then i changed into agito. much much much more comfortable than that tiny seifuku. i forgot to make a sign that says "no flash photography". yes. for all the insensitive photographers of cosplayers, flashes hurt our eyes and posing too long hurts our limbs. plus if you want to take a picture and are aware that we're talking to our friends, wait til we're finished. well. my feet are still killing me though. and yesterday i really just popped dead on the bed when i got home. i didn even bother to take off the costume first. and why do you have to take my picture when i'm sleeping. why people why.

all in all i had loads of fun during CF. made new friends. random strangers. met up with old ones. got mistaken for a girl who lost her phone. got attacked by a fan girl. yeah. fun.
no i dont have any pictures of the event so i'll be grabbing it from everyone else. my sister's a bad phtographer. half of everything came out BLUR.

i wonder why they put the doujin booths at the back. i had to walk back and forth just to talk to my friends and see what's on stage. stupid aint it.

i spent one hour awake in bed before i decide to get up. yes. my whole body ached even more now. i need a massage real bad. i've been yawning the whole day through. and now even typing is slow for me.
my commonwealth essay hasn't been done yet. stop asking. i do not know how to start. all the topics have left me braindead. my mind does't work when you put me in a box. it goes to stress mode and doesn't enhance it full ability. instead it kinda makes me retarded in a way.

dont ask me what happened to her him she he pondan gay aqua homo. people come and go. or maybe they just can't bear with me anymore. but like i care.

12 December 2008

ok. no more four letter words in my blog posts. no more swearing. no more being vulgar. im back from Singapore. i typed the wrong date in my last post...i'm still living in November cuz i dont want my holidays to end and SPM to start.

im way too lazy to put up my pictures at the moment. let alone upload them. i'll do them when i feel like it. the bus ride home was like...i wanna sleep but i can't and i ended up rereading my manga. and then got headache la.

everyones counting down for CF. and yes i'm getting sick and tired of hearing it. but i still put on a little act and go all "yeah im so excited too!!!". and i repeat the same lines for everyone that says that asking me what im doing and crap. now all i need to do is get my parents to let me stay over at my granduncle's so that it'd be nearer to sunway pyramid. or else my parents might just complain and say it's too far and decide not to let me go. pfffttt...touch wood...i wanna go...

somehow i find myself feeling really scared for some reason i do not know why. and it's not because of spm. it's like half the time when i've got nothing to do my mind starts thinking about nonsense that makes me feel at lost or something. i dont know what's troubling me but i know there's something that is. i come back and i feel somehow so outcast. time to change my blogskin again...woots!!!!

haih. tuition starts again. time to start studying. gosh. somehow i dont want to embrace the start of 2009. year of SPM. year to crap every last bit of crapation into my brain. yeah. nowadays i suffer from lack of sleep. i'm suppose to start on all my requests soon. but it's all such a killer damn it...

list of request to do:
[lets start with the hardest]
1. part 1: character design
part 2: part 1's character into yaoi manga page
2. ff3 [some charc i forgot her name] in battle with ff6 phumbaba[oO]
3. OC request[some robotic figther girl]
4. tattoo design [Pisces]
5. Fhyrn

half of the request i've been through...gosh...you people are killing me...
so i'm like stuck with what to do with the yaoi manga part of the freaking request...xD

gosh i saw the set of copics markers at sg!!!! darn...then my eyes went to the price tag...$$$$$$$$
*cries* nvm...i can't afford it...

darn...im not supposed to swear...but my sister's being such a &^%&^@!%#&!@$#%@$#!^%#

oodles of love,

05 December 2008

lawls. im in singapore. spending a week here running about wreaking havoc in this peaceful place on earth. haha. well i have to wake up at 6am on the 3rd november t renew my passport. yeah spent my entire day in the immigration office. doing crap la. take number wait for number. stupid freaking system they have there. so i spent my time doodling and smsing. i would've scanned it in but im way too lazy to scan right now.
so it's one week. no smses. no calls. be good people dont try to reach me....xD

then the 5 hours journey on the bus. rain. stop. rain. stop. rain. stop. and i drew on the bus. yeah i drew on the freaking bus. whoever said it's impossible to draw on a moving vehicle. im awesome. the bus ride was ok really. like an airplane on wheels. then half way through my freaking air conditioning started leaking. damn it. drip. drip. drip. drip. owh well. deal with it rachel...
then i went through immigration. blah. whatever.

i'll get back and all i have to do is post the pictures. xD

we settled at aunty may n aunty ping's house. yeah. then the havoc of 3 little kids running about making all the noise in the world like nobody cares. well, they have to right to. enjoy it while they can make all the noise and be excused for it. at my age you make noise you get screamed and stared at. i made a bulb burst. click button. POP!!!!! i was like. ZOMG!!! i haven been here for 24hours and i break something. then again, im here to wreak havoc right. aunty ping stepped on a piece of glass. so duh it bled. showered and slept.

woke up at 7am today. dont even know what to do. went and walk the dog. visited the mini mart. theres green nasilemak....lawls......GREEN....hahaha...walked the dog back to aunty ping's house and had aunty may cook breakfast for us. egg with cheese is awesomeeeeeee.....x3 we laze around til afternoon. and we went to BORDERS...
the biggest awesomest book store ever!!!!! lawls...im a book worm and i love books...i aint a nerd. yeah i stood there reading the yaoi manga i found. GOSH i wanted to buy....but guess what....
i bought the complete set of deathnote. all 12 books. and some extra stuff. cost a hell lot.
sure my dad'll kill me for this later. hahahah LATERRRRR

right now just finished dinner at aunty may's. returning later to my piles of deathnote to read....wahahahaha
L's my husband...xD
Light's my husband...xD
Matt's my husband....xD
wow....i've got 3 husbands....all from the same manga<3

ok my sister wants to blog


01 December 2008

i found myself today
found myself and ran away
something pulled me back
a voice of reason i forgot i had

dont ask me why am i posting twice today. somehow i feel fucking pissed off. yeah my mother's back from the hospital. and no i am not happy about it. i'd wished she'd stay there forever. i'd wish she'd never come back. yeah. i wish. i dont understand this act of hers. she's like overly purkey about everything every day and its fucking irritating. for fucks sake can't you be a weak defenceless ill person. why the fuck do you have to act like you're so happy you're ill. what the fuck is your problem. and she expects me to kiss her feet and obey her every commend just because of that. fuck cares if you're sick or not. i dont fucking care damn it. im not the reponsible child who does things when her parents are sick. fuck i don't even do that on a daily basis. i feel no sense of pity or what so ever for her. i dont fucking care damn it. and she's coming to me all pleading and crap asking me to help out more often. fuck you mother. fuckity fuck fuck fuck fuck you.


ok...i'll be going to singapore this week

so nobody sms or call me when i'm there yahhh....
unless it's urgent
like maybe your life depended on it

i'll be leaving on Wednesday, 3 NOvember

staying there for a week or so
and i'll come back more gorgeous pictures

for everyone to drool over...muahahahaha

i dont know the purpose of me going there actually
go there stay for a week or so with my relatives
no doubt they'll bring me around
omg...what am i gonna bring...

time to pack up...
i'm headed to my granduncle's tomorrow
sleeping over for the night
and then it's off to singapore...


i should just let my tattoo fade away right...
it's kinda tiring touching it up
after everytime i take my bath...

but it's so sad...to watch all my efforts

down the drain...


tuition just started. dying of boredom with 2 hours of bio and 2 hours of physics. WTF. so i sit there taking random shots of myself. well i still listen...
why the hell did they change the physics teacher...damn it...
and now i have a gay physics teacher who writes every single word he says on the board and cracks up lame jokes. and asks us to spell like we're in kindegarten. somehow he's a good teacher. but i still want the old oneeee...lawls...maybe partially cuz he's much better looking...wakakakakakaka...owh well...
one more month and my holidays are over
and then it's time to cramp my brain with all the stupidity of the world
and sit for my freaking spm
and after that don't even ask me what im going to do
cuz i myself dont know

i have to get started on that commonwealth essay thingy soon
and i havent even started
i dont even know which topic to choose
and owh puhleezzeee 1750 words is very very very short
how the hell do you expect me to write within a frame like that
this is what happens when i have to limit my words
my essay sucks...

since it's the holidays
and no one's gonna see it anyway
even if it doesnt come off



i spent the entire night fussing on it

so awesome right...xD


guess where it is...


i wonder how long it'd stay

cuz i used permanent markers

cuz if i didnt my efforts wouldnt go to waste

and the neck ache i had wouldnt go to waste