25 March 2009

today i shall sleep early cuz for the past few days i've been cramping the night doing countless homework. like some immense shit weii. i was writing until my hands were trembling when i hold the pencil. okay. i said that yesterday already.

today we took class pictures. well i spent most of my day out of class. doing nothing really. i dont see the point of me missing class today. gosh. i sound like a nerd. but yeah. it was an utter waste of time. but 5SC1's picture this years was just AWESOME! heck!! check the dictionary...under AWESOME you'd see 5SC1...xD perasannya...i think i got darker today as well...shesh...i need to be fair again. i hate being sunburnt.

well then i had to stay back and miss lit soc for some practise for the demo thingy. which was another utter waste of time. gosh. i'm wasting a lot of time today. i peeled my lips today...obviously it bleeded.
that HUGE ulcer i got from chewing bubblegum and countlessly biting myself is recovering. THANK GOD!!!! it was so FREAKISHLY HUGE and it hurt so much. imagine what a hastle it is have this HUGE ulcer in the front and you have to eat?! even the slightest touch hurts like hell...

i no longer post my long LONG LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG post okay...
you people complain i talk too much...shesh...

time to study rachel...
SPM coming...


24 March 2009

honestly ACGC was a total BORE...
like what the hell did i do there but sit there and crap with a bunch of people i randomly met...
even the figurines didn't interest me...damn it
this is the first event i spent under 50bucks at...
well technically i dont spend money on the doujins unless really find something i like...other than that everyone is selling practically the same thing everyone else is selling...xD

woots!!! look what i found!!!!
xD xD
we were all DEAD bored...
and i have like MASSIVE HAIR LOSS damn it...
it's like every 5 seconds 2-3 strands will come off...


darn i'm retarded yeah i know...xD
you know what...
i just spent 7 hours on my bio notes yesterday
wrote til my hands were trembling
and guess what!!!!
she didn't even check today
how FUCKED up is that man...
so i still can't feel my hand today
and i'm extremely exhausted...
it's bad enough i have less sleep yesterday


18 March 2009

you all wanted to read right?!?! here's my commonwealth essay i never handed in.

The match

It burns and gives light, heat, warmth, joy. Slowly it skulks, nearer and nearer. And when it’s time to let go, you’ve gone profoundly attached to it; it stings, burns, and hurts. At that moment, regret feeds on your very soul. Wishing you’d let go earlier when it’d hurt less? But now it’s too late. The ecstasy it gave is gone, faded into ash. Nevertheless, you’re still here.
I blow out the candles tonight and scale up those long winding flights of stairs; resilient. This is not the beginning of an end, but the end of a beginning. For my master, I waited outside for him to brace himself for what he’d be coming up against today. I know not of what his plans are but I have to be there. I must. Those carefully detailed doors coated with dashes of gold and silver faintly opened as my master slink out. Quietly I followed behind him; there isn’t room for conversations.
My master clears his throat. "It’s raining." His voice seems to drift into the droplets of rain against the glass. I keep unvoiced; afraid to articulate. My eyes go nowhere but my sweaty palms are now clutched into a fist on my lap, nervously gripping parts of my pants. "Hey, are you alright?" Maybe he’d notice how jumpy I am. Something I have always failed to hide, my emotions. I’m an open book. And even with the chilly winds that come with the rain, I felt temperate when his palm faintly touched my anxious hands. "Hey, are you alright?" He looked out at the downpour. "If you’re not feeling so good you don’t have to come, you know?"
I’d wonder where my voice went, or how I couldn’t move, but that’s all too adapted already. "HEY!!!" He shook me by my shoulders; I floated along with it motionlessly. He gave up, slouched back into his seat and crossed his arms, gazing through the pane. When I finally found my voice, it was time to go. Bullfights. I never liked going to these events; I hated them. A pointless match between man and beast to prove who’s mightier. I trailed after my master through the crowds of people, feeling very lost. I watched him wave to one of the other matadors and is returned with one. I stand by him as they talk of the rain effecting today’s big occasion. "It’s your day today man." One of them gave him a pat on the back. Somehow standing here looking at my feet and the mud, if my master wasn’t scared, I am. He let out a laugh confidently. "I can do it. Rain or shine." He boasted.
I stood by him as he prepared himself. "Cheer for me, okay?" I hid my fear for him pretty well this time, and nodded excitedly. He’s like a child waiting for his first ice cream. I sat by the bench waiting for my words to come out. People get hurt doing this or even die, so, what if. "Um..." I made a sound; better than nothing. He stood in front of me, placed his hand on my head and ruffled my hair. "I know you’re worried. Don’t worry." I felt his lips touch my forehead, softly and tenderly. "I’ll come back through those gates alive." My eyes moved to meet his, I’m on autopilot. He flashed a broken smile. "Promise."

I am alone, listening to the crowd roar and moan. I heed puddles spatter and other sounds I was foreign to. I’m beginning to breakdown. My hands are sweaty and I’m grabbing my pants as if my life depended on it. The people yelled and the hooves beat against the water. I’m tingling inside that something bad is going to occur, something’s going to go wrong. I hated this feeling and pulled myself to the iron bars and observed.
I held my mouth from screaming. He was in there with the enraged bull, evading it by mere inches. He fell to the ground and what happened after that, I couldn’t find myself to put in words.

Sunlight pierced through the windows marks daylight. Carefully I opened those doors and tiptoed into the room. I peered from the edge of his bed where he lay peacefully. It’s been days he’d been resting there; I wish he’d open his eyes. The doorbells rang. I hurried up but somehow I just wanted one more glance of him, my fingers lingered on his face. "Why can’t I find the words when-" I froze; startled, his hand held mine to his face and there was that broken smile I longed for. "Um..." Why is it that that’s the only thing I could say? Hastily I pulled my hand away when one of the matadors entered. "You barely made it out alive. How are you feeling?"

The candles are lit again tonight. One by one I watch them burn and turn to wax. One should feel warmth with these scented candles and dancing flames, but all I sense is the bitterness inside. Something within me is crying out but I’ve always put my tears in hiding. I light another match and start again with those on the other side of the room. Finished with the last one, I saw him sitting by the steps of those long winding stairs; smiling. "You do know that nobody’s going to be down here." He pointed that out as he got up and put out the match before it burnt my fingers.
"I am down here." Faintly for once I heard my voice. He examined the room, paced around every corner. "So, this is where you go when you’re not with me." Silently I nodded. He smelled the scented air and approached me. "You should be resting." I have miraculously found my voice, I was no longer stuttering. My master laughed and placed his arm over my shoulder. He whispers, "You’ve been by my bedside every day since that incident."
Hearing that, I felt my cheeks burn. Being as I am, I know where I stand and though I could only dream of standing here right now like this, I know I have to do it. I lifted his arm from my shoulders and took a step away from me. I held his wrist for five more seconds before I had to let go. He stood in front of me, trying to peer through the forest of hair that hid my face. "You sat there. Slept by my side and even pulled my covers. " He said with a lot of gratitude in his voice. I blindly nodded as I had nothing else to say. I felt his hand under my chin, lifting my face. I am afraid to look at him. Every time I do my heart skips a beat and my mind tells me it is all wrong. "There they are." He smiled, gazing into my eyes. "Those captivating pair of glistering eyes I haven’t seen in a while." I know I shouldn’t resist because right now it seems like a dream come true, but I have to. I pulled his hand away from below my chin. "Master." Regrettably I spoke. His finger rested on my lips before I could continue; he shushed me. "I’m not your master. You are not my servant. "Our voices seem to grow fainter as we speak.

My heart felt as if it was about to pop right out of my chest any moment. I could feel it thumping inside. My mind keeps telling me that this is all wrong. His hands on my waist, tenderly he pulled me closer. "I made my own destiny and matched me with you." His topaz eyes danced with the flames from the candles. I couldn’t breathe anymore. I looked away, trying to evade anymore awkward feelings I already have. "Look at me." He quietly begged. "Please?" Somehow I had a chill run down my spine, like the room had suddenly grow cold and everything stood still. Indecisively I looked at him, his face more perfect than I remembered, as if it was carved by the gods. And those gorgeous locks of auburn hair. Before I could find my mind to defy him, his luscious lips were pressed against mine. His firm hands held my faded face as I stood there not knowing how to react. I no longer felt lost. "I love you."

There were silent footsteps but we didn’t hear. We were no longer on earth. "What in the-!" The shadow of a man exclaimed at the stairway. He pulled me closer as if I was the one forcing it in and I couldn’t struggle. I tried to pull away, I no longer knew what was happening but this was all going wrong. I wanted to scream, I knew where I stand and my mind is telling me, "I told you so." Then, I just found myself lying on the wooden floor. I feel cold. I held that wet spot on my shirt, soaked with the metallic scent of my blood. I did hear the trigger click and felt the bullet pierce through my chest. But the pain never came until he walked away with the pistol in his hand.

The candles burnt out tonight. The wax dripped down the corners to the floor boards below. A half opened match box laid on the table, inside leaves one lone match stick. But it no longer serves its purpose as the flames has lingered and slowly unknowingly disintegrates; hiding behind the tenderness and bliss. How can something that bring so much joy bring so much pain?


it's funny how life turns out. how somedays you feel like you're on top of the world. and some just feels like you're six feet under and no one can hear you. but what else can you possibly do when life turns around and bites you?! embrace with a smile and keep going on for there are things that'll make things worth while again. it's just a matter of when and where.

i pose a question to the girls circling the primary school hall during taekwondo practises on tuesdays. what do you intend to achieve doing such pointless acts?! yeah. yeah. i know what your intentions are but seriously...how desperate are you people. oh wait. scratch that. YOU PEOPLE ARE DESPERATE. have some dignity in yourself will you. maybe you dont realize it but because of the few byotches and desperados in St. Mary, all of us are labled like that. get a life girls and go out more often.

Ramya came over today.had to do the script for the drama competition. need i state?! obviously we crapped up one awesome script. but in that process i think i screamed and shouted on the phone too much. sore throat. shesh. anyway...we got it done...actually the initial plan was to end with some one getting killed. Pn. Judy asked for a twist. and when we gave her the idea, she said it's supposed to end morally. so go figure...no one's getting killed. and i thought we could do some awesome fight scene...xD that'll get us to win for sure...

i'm feeding the mosquitoes sitting here. but i'm back to being addicted to Love Story...somehow the fact that i'm practically suffocating everytime i sing it is very entertaining...cuz i'd try to make it anyway den i end up gasping for breath...hahahaha...

wow...it seems i'm happy today...

well i was happy yesterday too...

for once taekwondo was a whee bit laid back than it usually is. well i do screw up my pattern as usual cuz i cant remember all of it. my brain doesn't have that much memory space. but Andrianna's always there to save me...^^ i solute you andri!!! then we started goofing off and learning at the same time, me, leava and andri. we we're teaching the other two pooms koryo...yeah obviously they like that pattern. so did i when i first learnt it. it was like..."COOOLLL!!! I GET TO CHOKE AIR!!!" well then Benjamin [canadian sir] came aksing whether we were practising or goofing off. crap la crap...typical st marians right..pro crappers. obviously we said we were doing both at the same time.

nobody accuse me of liking Benjamin. i'll stranggle you.

andri and i were doing sparring. aiya...one step nia...like one stupid liddat. hahaha poor andri had to drop down and do five for not shouting. well all of them did. you know i find disturbing...people laughing around me and i dont know what they're laughing at or for. yeah. i'm a bit KPC. i oso want to laugh what...
so Benjamin sir came chuckling behind me and andri, well andri was facing him...and i ask "what"...he shake his head and walk away!. COME BACK HERE AND TELL ME WHATCHU LAUGHING AT!!!!!!!!!! i tak boleh tahan....ishhh..



honestly, i can't remember the last time we said "SEMANGAT" as a class. i can't remeber us doing "FEELING" or calling each other "KUNDEJEMS". we are still a class but i seem to feel as if our semangat we had last year has slowly faded into homework, school and the hype of SPM. we no longer go crazy like we always do on a daily basis. maybe that's cuz our coconut tree outside the window is no longer there.
i miss the days we'd get too noisy for anyone to control. and the days someone will just say something stupid to get everyone laughing til we can no longer laugh anymore. til our stomachs hurt. maybe some of you migght say we're still as close as we are when we were choral speaking. but somehow we're slowly, quietly drifting apart like some pathogen is here to break up our ionic bonds. some of us at least.
what happened to the days we'd impersonate russell peters. what happened to the days we'd worship the M&M box. WHat happened to the times we'd plan to "korbankan" Umi. what happened to the days everyone was...together...[well besides the fact that miss ng ehem ehem ehem]

you know what i want.

i want to take out our kitkat bars again. stand from the crowd and create history once more.

aiya...banyak merepek la budak ni.
ape sal...
sebab bukannya hari-hari i blog pun.
hanya ketika i free sahaja yang dapatlah peluang EMAS ni untuk blog bagi para pembaca aku merendamkan dirinye dalam kehidupan aku yang huru-hara ini.
jangan la marah i blog panjang-panjang.
tulis banyak banyak.
baca pun sakit mata...leher cam nak patah...
janganlah baca semua dlm satu hari...
sikit sikit baca la...
tak leh tahan tidur pastu baca balik...

dah...dah...mula merepek lagi...
macam kerepek...xD

peace out!!! xD

11 March 2009

okay. let me do just this one thing. bear with me. it'll only take one sec.

i came back. ate my dinner. took my shower. went to upload the pictures i took today. and guess what. i was frantically searching for the CD. the CD Miss Wong gave me right after school. the CD i specifically shoved into my book. THAT CD. and i came home. cursing under my breath searching for the damn fucked up CD that i dont know where it is. i know i brought it back. i know i put it in my book. i know i didnt drop it. so where the fuck is that CD. grew legs and walked off. damn it.

i'm so dead.

so screwed up.

ok i'm done. now for some stupidity.

yesterday. we had bio. so obviously we went to the lab. yes?!?! and so asusual...bio class. Y-A-W-N. so i start getting restless. so i was sitting one leg folded on the chair.listening to Umi talk about how she's dying to get married and her wish to fulfill her dreams bla bla bla have kids bla bla bla...personally...SPM hasnt even finish and she'd thinking of kids...LMAO. no offence Umi.so ramya was laughing. i was laughing. josephine was laughing. i dont know what i commented, but i said something. and Ramya kinda just gave me a pat on the back. JUST A PAT ON THE BACK. and i fell forward face first. landed on my knee. both. then my hands. Ramya and Umi went paranoid. i was laughing actually. let me clear this out. RAMYA IS INNOCENT. IT'S NOT HER FAULT. cuz i kinda had the whole class wondering how i fell.

so now my knee hurts. there's a HUGEEEEE bruise on my left knee. and a little one on my right.

and now it still hurts.

and tomorrow it'll hurt.

and the day after that.

and after that.

and after that.


i do feel like trash the other day
especially during taekwondo
actually i always feel like that during taekwondo
like i was some sort of crappy senior
well actually i am
notknowing majority of my pattern
it's not like i have some super brain to memorise all that steps
and it's not like we're gonna be using that when we actually need it
so i dont see the point of learning so
but hey
i'm a crappy senior
and i'm still your senior
and you still bow to me
my bad
i'm just trying to make myself feel better
go figure
my brown eyes are sign of the ammount of crap my life is

i planned to change my blog skin LOOOOOOOOOONG time ago
but i havent found the time
i've been waking up in the middle of the night at intervals of 1hour or so
and going back to sleep
and getting up again
until a point i'd give up and just stay awake
maybe it's the fact i haven't had coke in a while
so there goes my balance of what's left of my life

what do you people want to know...all i'll be doing is study...do homework...sleep...eat..school...

it's not like i'm going through so emotional break down or something...

and no doubt i wont be doing anything stupid anytime soon...

ou wait...i just did...

I LOST THE CD MISS WONG GAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tsk tsk tsk...

that's just me i guess...

the proud inventor of screw ups...


09 March 2009

how do i start. i have nothing to blog about now a days.
okay!!! who wants to know how much i suck at my intervensi...xD
well at least i got A for phys, chem, eng, moral, lit
the rest are C's n B's i think....ahhh...watever...
screw you exams!!!!!

actually...i'm very hungry right now...
and i'm just happy i dont have school today...go figure...who isn't...

gosh...i'm in no mood to blog.
why do i have to do the class deco...
this is so stupid...STUPID....S-T-U-P-I-D
do you know how much WORK you have when ur in charge of the decos...
and i get less koko marks...shesh...
so stupid...
"say no to drugs"
heck yeah we know that we're supposed to do that...
and seeing it everyday in front of our faces is more irritating...
actually i just dont wanna do the decos but i have to...
im very sick and tired of it...

SAVE THE TREES!!!!!!!!!!

okay...that was random...
how hard can it possibly e to get an A for bio damn it...
why can't i get A for bio....
it's all that pn chieng fault...


i'm going to watch Mythbuster...
i've got nothing to blog about

05 March 2009

gahh!!! its been FOREVER since i blogged. and to be frank right now i'm just taking some time off from all the homework i have waiting for me upstairs in my room.

its kinda sad how my long winded life is now filled with SCHOOL and more SCHOOL and nothing else but SCHOOL.
gosh it's time to start studying. my intervensi marks suck ad its only intervensi. see hwat's gonna happen when i sit for SPM.

ignore all the typos i know there are some here and there but i;m typing as fast as i can cuz 24 hours a day right now doesn seem to be enough.

well school isnt really that bad if you look at it. i love my class and my friends there. come to think of it...it's the only thing that's keepin me from going senile nowadays. unlike pn nooraini...xD

it was wednesday and last two period we're in the lab studying bio. thank god after one period the teachers had meeting n pn chieng had to go. and nowadays they'd use the bloody PA system and ask all the students to line up outside their classes and shut up before going back SYSTEMATICALLY. not like the usual everyone rushing towards to gates thing. we go class by class which is kinda stupid if you ask me.so pn nooraini goes on the PA system and goes "girls, line up outside your classes. it's time to clean up your class." first of all we clean our class on FRIDAYS and it was a WEDNESDAY. she zoomed up two days ahead.


i was going through my CD collection the other day.
you know what. i used to worship avril. i used to love her so much. not just for her songs but how she was different from all the other famous ppl in the world. she just wore shirts n jeans and still looks awesome in them. yeah!!!
and maybe now to most of the ppl out there the new avril is way better. with her more upbeat songs that no longer scream " i'm so sick of my life ". not to mention the rise of the fanboys factor with her shortskirts and fishnets. don't get me wrong. she's just growing up. but the invasion of the pink was entirely unnecessary. the entire CD was printed pink. pink highlights. pink. PINK.
wouldnt it be weird to stick out ur tongue and scream "rock 'n' roll" and guess what ur wearing. a pink dress.
i kinda knew she'd change but truely hoped she didnt.
go figure eh?!?!?!
so here's to the old avril that has long "slipped away" and way out of reach.

ahhhhh...whatelse did i want to say...

ah yes...


suffer with bio

strain myself with add maths

die doing moral

cope with chemistry

go senile over sejarah

struggle with physics

torture myself with bm