05 August 2008

** Fourty Three **

maybe it's jus me but somehow lately 24hours a day never seems to be enough.it used to be too much that i would have to find something to fill my time.right now i don't even have to time to turn on the computer anymore.so here i am again.using my phone.trying to catch up on long past chemistry work due friday and moral work due thursday.i really wish i had more time.well, the entire 4sc1 is up to no good again.lol.not exactly in a bad way.i really feel as if it was a struggle to keep our togetherness strong ever since we lost our choral speaking.but along the way.i guess things did turn out okay.really.there was so much addition to what was 4sc1's.whoooo!!*doing homework*chapter6 ade!!gosh.what a struggle.i know i am drowning right now.and i'm not complaining on how insecure i feel right now either.its something i've grown numb to.things like this happen way to often for me to feel awkward about it.so currently my hand feels cramp.the soles of my feet are cold.and i jus finished 10minutes of straight running and my shower.and while waiting for the liquid paper to dry i type.btfc close championship is on de 23 and 24 august.no doubt i'm gonna have to take part.well i'm glad msskl is over.at least half de tensions gone.i found a white hair today.lol.i'm getting old.xD.jamc is this week.dunno wat date.i'll have to ask Joshua later.yay yay.i'll come back with something again.heh.semangat betul.one thing i have never forgiven myself was for being a soreloser.when i was little i really seriously hated so much to lose.it was like a sin for me to lose.so whenever i do lose i burst out crying kicking and screaming.somehow it may look like it's a real bad thing.but right now i do find myself striving to be a perfectionist at everything i do.okay maybe not in my school work.i never realized how much i've achieve through out my entire life.i saw all of it and i was like "it's all mine?!!?".
everything i do is an art.whether its dressing myself.fixing my hair.vandalizing myself.picking up scrap.it seems as if i've been doing a lot of thinking today.and yes.i admit i did.it's jus one of those days you look around a figure life isn't really that bad.it's actually kinda fun.everything you do in your daily life is an art.from the way you pull away the blanket to the time you tuck yourself back in.i guess it's gonna take sometime before i go back to my computer addict self again.then again.i might jus ask for a laptop den i won't need to touch the comp anymore.
i'm real sorry Hydde.shouldn't have scolded you like that yesterday.it's jus one of those days where a joke doesn't seem like a joke even if it is.yea.i warned you on how sometimes how insensitive i am.to tell you the truth sometimes i really don't feel like i belong.it's like when i go with you somewhere or something.i get unwanted stares.who's this girl?why's she with him?and i feel as if their stares are piercing right through me to that defenceless little girl inside that i try real hard to hide at times.especially when i'm not on familiar grounds.and sometimes i even doubt myself.i really need to mirror myself again.
i recut my hair today.just a bit.not that there's any difference.i really need to get my head straight.there's plenty of birthday partys to go to.and one AWESOME one to throw.after all i'm bitter sixteen this year!! *returns to homework*

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