02 July 2008

** Twenty Six **

maybe its time for me to face the fact
for the past three days i've blocked roughly 20 random people
who added me on msn
invited me into a group conversation
and started interogating me
they spam and spam and spam
and make my computer lag
so...i got pissed
blocked all of them
out of depression...i had one more bottle of coke today
just one...
300ml of coke...
well...i had 5 yesterday....
so in 3 days that's 16 coke...xD
i've lost my mind lately
i went to buy babyfood...
those for lil ones with no teeth
since i've got to stop the coke...
i'm eating babyfood...
owh...laugh all you want...
it taste nice to me...^^
and well...
i'm suffering...
tomorrow got second oral
today just did my first
damn...i'm so pissed with my life right now
gosh...i miss phantom
P.S. ppl who visit my blog....REALLY
ignore the stalkers in my cbox...
thanks for lending me a hand pals...
love yahhh ^^
my keyboard's working again
and i've got to finish my essay for creative writing
damnnnnn...i wrote like one tiny section only...
*slaps self* damn Rachel pull youself together!!!
i've covered taegeuk 4 and 7
i need a bit more work on 8
and Koryo will be started on by tomorrow...
wheeee....i semangat gila...nak masuk pertandingan
i'm gonna ignore all those who come
ask for my email and number
and anything else personal
how i wish there was a BIG RED BUTTON to block all the stalkers in the world
well...at least i dont have any in school...
so there's that moments of peace and serenity that i have
maybe there's just one moment in time
where everything seems to make no sense
when everything feels like its falling apart
how my world seems to be caving in on me
and i'm drowning
gasping for air
holding out my hand
reaching out
but there's no one there
to help me up
to hold me
to guide me
to be my wings
to heal the pain
to save me
and i enter a whole new world
i never knew
a world i never thought would exist
a world of darkness
of sorrow
where sadness is filled to the brim
to the limits of melancholicness
my words echo in the silence
drifting further away
someone out there
would hear my cries
hear my lies
hear my story
hear my thoughts
every door i opened
i fall into the abyss
i fall into nothingness
i'm losing it
buried underneath
all the blood i shed
all the tears that trickled down
all the bullshit i had to go through
and now here i am
stuck in between no where
aimlessly wondering
so my niece is in the hospital...
the cute one i posted about few weeks back
she's having fever and something else
i dont know...
i'm not sure..
but she's in the hospital
and she's undergoing an operation
i do not know
but she's only 1years old
and she ain't that big of a size...
i really hope she's okay...
i'm being a pessimist trying to not type in all the negative thoughts
><''' pray she's okay... ***************************** after this i'm gonna have to get working on my piece again even WITHOUT inspiration i HAVE to finish it PouLeen's gonna kill me if i dont owh... and i'm going for Cheer08 and Bon Odori... i think... now is the transport problem... damn how nice if i could drive... well....i'm left with 3 cans of coke in the fridge... man... im a mass consumer of coke... xD so out of the depression im going through... i still smile throughout my day maybe i do try to hide it but i dont think i'm any good at it... being 15 going on 16 sucks i figured it seems as if... this year... so many things are happening so many things are complicating so many things are going on and... there comes a time for the tears the smiles the laugthers the hates the screams the shouts the backstabbing the betrayal the friendship the apologies the lies the worries the faith the promise the trust the hope the wish the dramas the acts the forgiveness the revenge the depression the regret the love the jelousy the crap the bullshit the loneliness the emotions the lost the gained the life that is mine and mine alone

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