** Thirty One **

there's a certain part of me that might just cry out for help and there's this tiny section of me that might just break down and cry there's this certain part in me that might just give up on all that's made worth while so here's a post with no full stops a post for utter nonsense from the two days i was away there comes a point where i really cannot take it anymore where i really am at the breaking point at the limit so maybe one group of people tells me he's gay and another tells me he's weird doesn't mean i still cant be with him and even if he is a bit gay so what it's not like I'm not all that of a girl anyway main point is most people have trouble accepting people for who they are it's like if they're gay you cant hang out with them cause you'll turn gay sooner or later well if you're going to be that influenced by them then yes seriously if you have friends you wont need to change yourself to be with them all you have to do is be yourself really there is nothing wrong with it and with all this stuff revolving around me i really need some time to breath it's like i dont even have time to breath anymore one moment i'm practising taekwondo the other i'll be staring at the empty manuscript cracking my brain and now my muscles hurt for dancing just so you know i'm consuming five to six can of coke per day which is not very healthy according to "some people" well few days back we had some ceramah moral thingy first the guy was rude real rude then it was fun did the chicken dance and the end next day we went through spotcheck and on that day i had to decide to bring my phone well my nails were one lie and my phone was another guess i'm such an innocent girl even the prefects thrust me lol i had my phone in the pocket of my shorts so i told her it was i tuition fees a whole lum sum of it and my nails i said i needed them for the guitar and that i misplaced my wallet that morning so i had no pass brilliant right tomorrow is bon odori i'm hardly excited i'm rather scared actually damn i need a body guard hydde's in london so i cant do anything about it well i like the peace really i do it's not like i live on people feeding me sweet words that don't mean much to me in addition to my not-so-awesome-keyboard i'm pasting all my a's again you can count the a's if you want to see how many times i had to press ctrl+v i wanted to do a post without any a's in it to save me the trouble but i just can't ok i've just finished my sixth coke for the day i need to buy a new carton soon damn my music class is tomorrow and i haven't done a thing ok i'm going for bon odori and also cheer i come armed with a dagger and a pistol and a fork if that doesn't work i can always kick the chickens okay this is the part where i start thinking out loud rachel you need to be a girl now no actually not really i think it's better if i just be me it's not like it's worth changing heck i won't even change if my mother asked me to so bottom line rachel don't change maybe i should change hydde make him a bit boyish lol dream on girl now what to wear what to wear first of all i do not know how to work my yukata second i cant tie my obi third what the hell am i gonna do with my hair owh damn okay the crap we made up in class on our ship and stuff i cant exactly type when i'm pvsting every single a in the freaking word that im freaking using so here i am i say when i feel like dressing like a girl i will and most of the time when i feel like dressing like a guy i will too and when i grow up erm that is if i do grow up which is most likey not to happen but it's still an if cause i know there will be a time i will have to grow up and until that time comes i'll be sitting in the corner of my room cuddling into my blanket hugging my favourite teddy bear singing myself to sleep