** Fourty One **

And she's back!! Causing mayhem everywhere she goes!! So today was very extremely tiring. Well school was okay since i had to miss class but turns out we came back early so i didn have my books. Haven't checked on hw. I don't think i will.
*******
guys really can be real losers sometimes.i mean.lame.lol.one way or another.so i went for de weigh in.watever its called.sitting there.getting scared looking at all de competition.i was really scared.anyway.i guess i met.no.not met.saw.Passerby.i think.no.more like he saw me.dunno la.no offence Passerby.but really.sometimes it's just easier to walk up n say hi.it's not like i'm gonna give u a punch in de face.instead of taking unwanted trips to de toilet jus to pass infront of me.really.first of all no one goes to de toilet n comes right out.lol.u smile i smile.fine.n how long did it take for u n ur pals to get together that silly act.ok so u might say i'm watching u.Heck!!u guys were pushing n screaming n shouting at each other.n u expect me not to know?!intentional much?!n de silliest thing u could possibly do.wait at de door.whilst i enter u whisper a silent hi.i turn u aint there.wat de crap la.i don't mean to diss u in anyway.seriously i don't understand de things u guys do.i mean.u guys know it's lame n yet u guys do it.u aint getting anything out of it.i'll ignore de fact u keep passing by n staring.lol.nowonder ur name's Passerby.so that's that.the end.*pours ice on Hydde*
**********
so.a different section of my life.somehow i feel as if i'm gonna be beaten up on saturday.that's a sure thing.then again.i should at least give it my all.try my best.n if it doesn work out.i'll train for next year.so stayed back today.practised.practised.practised.that's all i could say.a round of training wit Leava.madness.i dun even know how to respond.damn it!!i'll be happy enough to come back wit something.x3.so i'll be writin my will tomorrow.just in case i die on saturday.lol.ahhh.first time go competition.i really do hope my parents come.see their daughter get beaten up.lol.Hydde u can come too.but this time tell me.so there goes the rachel everyone once knew.Hahaha.
********
okay.fuh.many things to say.jamc.another scary thing.well at least i am doing it wit Joshua.who currently claims tat he's my one n only gay friend.thrust me.he is gay.in a funny awkward way.so Joshua's a real life saver.our collaboration is complete.perfection.my solo.is a different story.lol.wat am i gonna wear man!!gosh.i'm being such a girl.ok so this one's next week.after a beating.i go for this.x3.so if something were to happen.Joshua will have to play de electone n de piano.wow.u do that dude.no one ill care if ur gay anymore.x3.lol.i know everyone taking part wants to win.but there can only be one winner.i wanna get best showmanship.heh.others all i know won't get.maybe we'll win for best collaborate composition.who knows.hehe.how optimistic.
********
so this is about a 5000characters post.cuz my phone only allows that much.n i know it's still a lot to read.yea plenty complain i write too much.so now i'm tired.jus finished my shower.waiting for my hair to dry. Doing some push ups later.den up n down de stairs doing my knee lift.n after that some sit ups.nahh...skipping is better.that is if i still have time.anyone wants to go see avril wit me?? ^^

** Fourty **

so today i came back mad.
pissed off even.
today rachel got an offence slip!!!
WOOTS!!!!!
i got 4 in 1
hair not clipped
long nails
earstick
conteng tangan
WTF right?!?!?!
yeah...big wow-er rachel ain't a schoolrule abiding student
puhleezzee la...
then there's the lecture i got
saying i'm not honest with myself
wat kinda crap are you teacher's throw at us students man...!!!
so yay!!! i got offence...
i was pissed off at the teacher
i was pissed off at the prefect
i was pissed off at the school
seriously these are the days i really want to get out of this stupid school
so i cut my own hair today
fringe tak seimbang but who cares
i cut until cannot tie anymore
or at least no need to tie
so that's how much hair i cut off...
i need to trim my fringe a bit more later
tomorrow not gonna be in class woots!!!!!
and and and!!!
SATURDAY COMPETITION!!!!!!!!
ahhhhh....*runs in a circle*
ok ok..lax rachel..you can do it!!! xD
jamc...
heh...
im proud of myself
cuz i finally got it!!!!!
so syok now play that part...
paling bersemangat punye...
my last piece of almost done...xD
thanks to no one but me
gosh...
no time no time
*****************************************
today in school hor
PnOng hor
suddenly hor
CHECK BOOK!!!!!
then as usual la majority of the class din do...
MSN got problem...trying to sign in but cannot...
damn u MSN!!!
AVRIL IS COMING TO TOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WANT TO GO SEE!!!!!!
Hitz.fm got competition
win fendy guitar autographed by her!!!
DAMN I WANT!!!!!!!!!
DAMN IT!!!! I WANT I WNAT I WANT!!!!!!!
lawls...
what a spoilt brat.....xD

including me..xD
so she's a bit pissed off
but i dont blame her...
even i would be pissed off...
so she asked for Add.Math2 today Chapter6's work
well...i had to do all
starting from 6.1 all the way to 6.6 and chapter review
so tension all
lawls...xD but i finished anyway...xD
yay me!!!
now to complete MORAL
and then my SEJARAH NOTES
haih...
homework homework
i can't wait for all this hectic-ness to end...
i need some time to breath...
so tired yesterday man
not enough sleep
today come home cut hair take bath sleep..
so now homework oso havent do
i blog liao...xD
******************************************************
so i sit now...burning some time
wasting it away
while i could be doing something USEFUL
i think i need to be
i think i need to change
i think i need to justify
what am i
what am i gonna do with my life
i'm an ambitionnless person
so really when people ask me what am i gonna do with my life
the only thing you're gonna get is "I dunno."
so
i guess i'll just let the chips fall where they may
really
im not in a hurry to make a choice anyway
there's plenty of things i can do
really...PLENTY
i could do music if i wanted
i could do art if i wanted
i could go into journalism if i wanted
or i could just go to one of the science related
everything is just whether i want or not
and right now..
i dont know exactly what i want...

** Thirty Nine **

today is the 29th of july

okay

im not exactly a person who does this thing

but under the constant bugging of you-know-who

i have to....xD

so its 2 months...

really im really NOT the person to do this....

T^T

but constantly im a real happy person these past few days

so it's a wow-er for me

maybe i've changed for the better...xD yeah right...

when i'm free-er i'll do my blog...

get the skin to my liking...

heh...i've learnt...

okay

here's a little something for today

done today finished today

***************************************

Taekwondo comp this saturday

scared scared

worried la...

lawls im a bit paranoid at the moment...

jamc oso coming up....

aiyoyo....

damn it....

i really cant wait for all of it to be over....

so i aint bloggingthat much nowadays..

got losta things to do

so little time

*************************

erm...

owh yeah

4sc1 has a new thing...xD

dont we always..

Malaysia

In

Need of

Semangat

more or less it's from one of our teacher's stories..

but now it's 4sc1's thing....xD

man....i was thinking of having the entire 4sc1 over at my place again

hang out...

chill...

play some BurnOut....xD

watch tv....

chill...

talk talk talk...heh

eat snacks...

drink...

play the guitar...xD

maybe after the examinations i can have one

owh...and the print for OUR shirt...

me mum knows wher to do it...

i think it's roughly less then 10bucks...xD

i dont know...

she knows that guy so i guess she can get summore discount

if we're printing 33 shirts...

huaaaahhhh...save $$$

** Thirty Eight **

i flew a kite today!!!

for the very FIRST time in my life

i flew a kite!!!

see see...my kite's the highest!!! xD

SYOK SIAAAAA~!!!!!

okay so maybe i'm a bit jakoon ish...

but i flew a kite!!!

im so proud of myself...=3

well i did have help getting it up

heh...hopeless me...

cannot get the kite to fly at first

it aint easy!!!!

okay...

as usual i'll be doing something stupid

so here it is

i was on the scooter

riding like the wind...[kononnya la...]

round and round

and then i wondered why i didnt go over the squared holes

like small barred long kangs

dunno why

but i like to feel surfaces under the wheel

so i nicely

riding so fast

went over one

wheel got stuck

i was thrown in front

roll roll roll

and i just went "WOW"

and started laughing

it's like in the cartoons where the character's riding

bike , scooter , skateboard , etc

rock on the floor

AHHHHHH!!!!

then the character goes rolling

yeah it was like THAT

just that i didnt roll that much

but it was an AWESOME feeling!!!

i'm gonna do it again!!!!!

then i had ice cream

as you can see...

heh...

it's a must have la...

xD

then i began drizzling

so mummy siad "time to go home"

so we all went home

****************************************

The gorgeous shells

picked by Hydde..

^^

toldya i'd be taking pictures of it..

well theres plenty really but i just didn have time to upload all!!!

<3

***************************

my dad came back from Bangkok today!!!

so the above is what he bought for me and my sis

well my sister's one is the one with the bag

mine's the triangular one...

sadly mine's got no bag...

but it's still frreaking awesome!!!!

lawls...

today's an awesome day all in all

wooooo!!!!

i've got a guitar!!!

a miniature guitar!!!!

bangga nya~

xD

so a short post today

for a long long post i had yesterday

i had an awesome day!!! =)

** Thirty Seven **

no sir

i dont wanna be the blame

not anymore

it's your turn

so take a seat for settling the final score

why do we like to hurt so much

why all the possibilities

and i was wrong

i drowned out all my sense away

with the sound of this beat

i've brunt every bridge i ever built

when you're not here

truthfully i feel really HAPPY

well...i'll just get to the story telling

no crappy feelings today!!

i feel awesome...xD

*****************************************

Hydde came back today from London!!!!!!! [ i'll be using 'H' later in this post]

well after practise with Joshua, my owh so very gay pal

i had him fetch me to KLIA...arigatou Joshua!!!!

well i had to wait for one two minutes or so

but seriously....somehow it didn't matter?!?! [wow rachel...whats wrong wif u]

ok..ok...stop crapping..

tell story...

actually i sat on the floor waiting

LAWLS

what to do...floor so cold...so nice

the my phone rang...guess who....xD

over excited la u rachel...

okok...faster type type

H: hey! hey! missed me?!?!

R: Hie!!!! dunno....you guess leh?!?!?!

H: hahaha where r ya?

R: KLIA

H: lol. ding dong...i know la KLIA...WHERE KLIA?!

R: sitting on the floor...

H: floor so big...wher lehhh....

R: hehe...u asking me ar...er...

H: Want McFlurry?!

R: YESHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

H: come McDonald...

R: orh...er...ok...

H: can or not....

R: dunno la...lol...i so useless

H: no la...er...dont tell me u directory oso dunno wher ar?

R: ok i wont tell you

H: Aiyooooooooooooo

R: aiya i'll find la...might take sometime tho...

H: hahaha...i know it will...i got all the time in the world...

then rachel blur blur walk here walk there

like sakaii liddat

like kambing masuk bandar liddat

lost pig in KLIA!!! xD

then smart ass rachel went to one of the shops

and asked

and i found McDonald's!!!!!!!

lalalala *claps*

rachel!!!! *hugs* :H

okay...can't breath~:R

where's my hug?!:H

just now u not hug me ade ar?!?!:R

that one i hug u ma....:H

orh..hug u back lorh...*hugs*:R

lol...not happy ar?!:H

no lo...weird weird abit nia...:R

*ruffles hair* get used to it lorhhh..=):H

patience...:R

oO...what patience?!?!:H

dunno...*tersenyum lebar*:R

....:H

forgetting something?!?!:R

owh yeah...Coke or mcFlurry?:H

WAH!!! why liddat wan....both can mah?:R

*shakes head* no only one...:H

eyyyerrrr..come back bullying me liao...:R

or liddat la...we go dinner bah...i hungry la..but i dun wan McD:H

i eat ade wor...:R

hmmphh...din wait for me...:H

people hungry la...wait til 8.45 i die of hunger liao la:R

fine...:H

aiyo...merajuk ade...:R

MANA ADA!!!!:H

see see...ish ish...Hydde ar...:R

*pushes head* go away la u...:H

okay~ i go....:R

OI!!!!:H

bye bye~:R

weiii ar.....your turn merajuk now issit?!:H

no lo. u ask me go mahhh:R

srry srry~ dont go kay...dont go...:H

bored la...:R

come la..show u something..*searches bag*:H

ooooo....:R

guess what...i got a whole bunch of shells

u know those tiny ones u get on the shores

those the tiny hermit crabs use

and it's not those normal ones

it's those really nice ones

^^ thankuuuuu~

H: dlm perjalanan balik i pergi pantai

R: mana ada pantai kat london

H: siape kata london?! x)

R: tipu...u beli kan?

H: aiyo...mana ada orang jual kecil kecil punye benda cam nie

R: who knows. orang tu despo kot

H: eh! u cakap i despo now ker?!

R: lol sendiri terasa...memangpun despo...xD

H: mana ada i despo

R: sebab nak cpl ngan i...u comfirm despo...

H: sejak biler...

R: sejak zaman batu lagi

H: tak la...best la b'sama u...

R: bodoh...

H: bodoh ape pulak!! u ni suke marah aku la.i nangis kang.

R: Lol...lain kali kite jumpa u pakai skirt i pakai pants

H: Bodoh!!!!

R: tengok u pun panggil i bodoh!!!

H: dua dua bodoh. kang best~! ^^

syok sia sit in limo!!!! xD

wakakakakakakaka

lol..i jakunn

haih what to do poor kid...

its like SO FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!!

so big~!!!!

GOT TV!!!!!

GOT ASTRO!!!!

GOT GAMES!!!!

walau eh...

ooo...what's this...:R

drive car wan...:H

ok *starts game*:R

you sure u wanna play?! *sneers*:H

yeh:R

okay den..:H

ahhh...mamii ar....too fast!!! dunno how to drive!!:R

hahahahaha. toldya...:H

ok chg game *click*:R

hahaha...suit urself...:H

wahhh seh....OFF OFF!!! *hides*[Game:the ring]:R

told you not to simply press lor:H

*poke* as if i'd listen la...:R

*pokes* that's why i didn say anything...:H

tonigh cannot sleep ur fault:R

WAH! liddat oso can...:H

yeh..cuz u put that stupid game in the car:R

hahahaha...good la...:H

what good...:R

you still take this as a car...:H

then?! not car then what?! aeroplane ar?:R

HAHAHAHAH:H

owh yeah...u have to fetch me back by 10 somethingliddat:R

cannn...anything...i fecth u back bfor 10 la:H

good boy...*yawns*:R

lol 9 only n u sleepy ade...:H

im still a kid what...:R

u sleep in the car i kik u out wan ar...:H

WAH....so bad....:R

owh yeah...bfor i forget...sneeze pls..:H

WTF?!?!:R

ur "sister" say cute ma ur sneeze...:H

xD:R

okay...my long post has gone over the limit...

i did try to cut...but there's too much to write..

so this is as much as i can cut...

dun believe as Hydde...

i cut A LOT ade..xD

for the record i reached home at bout 9.30 i think

mother didn ask

see see...i've been a real good girl...x3

tonight i'm gonna spend my night taking pictures of the shells

whheeeee~<3

R A C H E L

** Thirty Six **

something in me stings

then again

i cant do anyting about it

i talked to a friend today

about every lie i've told

about every sin i sinned

everything

maybe i'll regret telling this friend all this one day

but for now

this friend is all i've got

cuz no one is willing to listen to what i have to say

my long life lies aren't that much of an interesting topic either

just shows how more naive i am right now

i sat down there crying myself out

pouring out every emotion left in me

every emotion burried for so long

and my friend just sat there listening

comforting, whispering words into my ear

my friend let me cry

didn't bother to hand me tissue

didn' bother to say "the past is the past"

seriously

i don't give a shit about those stuff

somehow

i find that when one is crying

all you can do is be by one's side

lend a shoulder to cry on

and just let one let it all out

what kind of bullshit are you people tyring to pull

crowding around

giving loads of tissue

patting the back

telling me "its ok" "everythings fine"

if everything was fine....

I WOULDN'T BE CRYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so here's a big thanks to my awesome friend

for not being like MOST people i know

for just letting me cry myself out

for letting me drown my tears out

for silently sitting, hearing me sob

for being there for me

*********************************************

everyone has one of those days where

you just feel like

crying

one of the reasons why i don't cry owh so very often

its cuz the people around never learn to shut up

i wanna cry in silence

and you people come and ask this ask that

asking makes me cry even more don't you think?!?!

it's like asking me to retell what just made me cry...

how intelligent....*ppfffttt*

maybe something happened today

that i don't really wanna talk about

sometimes i really sit down and ask myself

as i stare into the mirror

Rachel...

Kong Yee Rou...

Why are you just a student....

Why are you not bother to take part...

Why are you so "cin cai"...

Why aren't you serious about things...

Why aren't you holding any important post...

Why are you not bothered about your curicular...

Why are you so unknown...

Why are you so fugly...

Why can't you smile more...

Why are you so stupid...

Why are you so useless...

Why are you so forgetful...

Why do you keep "shapeshifting"...

Why are you so anti-social...

Why are you so friendless...

Why are you so rude at times...

Why are you so not creative...

Why...

Why...

Why...

Why...

*************************************

whooooOOOoo...Tomorrow's friday!!!!!

xD

the end of another week...

woah competition in one more week to go...

darn...

the world's gonna end in T-minus 10 seconds

10

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

......

okay...maybe a little too dramatic...

okay...before i die...

*clock frozen*

i'd like to thank my

er

damn why am i writting a thank you speech

i should be writing my will...

xD

nvm la...

1

*died*

**************************

My Lame-o-meter has just reach it's max

trying to brush off the sadness so yeah

i'm being lame

hehehehe

okay

i can't exactly sound happy tho i'm trying to

so here's where it ends for today...

~peaceee~

** Thirty Five **

okay list of things to post today

P.S. i suffer frm STML so yeah i have to make a list before i forget

** Copy-Tards

** Met TheIvorySpeaks

** Taekwondo competition

** Weird Family gathering

** Other not so important stuff

*****************************

first and foremost

i am from 4Sc1

proud and happy i'm in that class

*coughs*

as i recall....

everyone rolled their eyes...

when we went "SEMaNGaT"

when we did our motto

when we did out "4Sc1. WE ROCK"

when we started "KUNDEJEM"

and i bet they'd roll when did "FEELING" as well

and guess what?????

i dare point all ten fingers of mine

if i had more i'd point them too

and all ten toes of mine

at all the hypocrites

who dissed us

who hated us

who tried to bring us down

who were envious of our togetherness

the same group of "animals"

now

FOLLOWING IN OUR FOOTSTEPS

copying

following

immitating

wow...man....

you "animals" must be SO lame

that you DONT even know how to start something on your own

and end up COPYING

the great 4Sc1

yeah we should be PROUD

these losers wanna achieve extreme awesomeness like US

but HELL NO man

this is COPYRIGHTED by 4Sc1

and shall be used by the KUNDEJEMS of 4Sc1 ONLY

you people [ok i shall not call u ppl animals. sounds harsh.]

can copy all you want

the entire school knows

4Sc1's SEMANGAT

4Sc1's KUNDEJEM

4Sc1's symbol / motto

4Sc1's "APPLE"

4Sc1's FEELING [comming soon..xD]

4Sc1 started it all

xD

............SEMANGAT........

************************************

jamc is in a weeks time...

kinda

well i asked my teacher and she gave an okay on teaming up

but she still inststed i did one on my own

heh

well at least my work load has been reduced

TheIvorySpeaks aka Joshua Yew Ling Heng

Lawls....><

sorry...i must write ur name...

cause i warned u i'd get ur full name even if u didnt tell me

muahahahahaha

MUSTTTTT

anyway...

it's real awesome working with him

[ do not misunderstand ]

so i'll shed some light on Joshua Yew Ling Heng

xD [ just to irritate him when he reads this ]

then get to jamc

*ehemmmmm*

Joshua Yew Ling Heng , 19

drummer / pianist

VERY tall [or maybe he's tall from where i stand]

Sunburnt...lawls...=X

to tell u the truth Joshua did most of the work

i just poked in here and there

yeah i know im useless

within ONE WEEK

Joshua had prepared drafts for the TWO of us

sorry dude....half the things u explained i didn't understand

><

and within the week

finished everything...

gosh...xD

that was so very fast

*bows* thank you Joshua. thanks so much. *bows*

*claps*

okay i still have to work on the gliding

there's one part i really like in Joshua's masterpiece

but it's so hard.......................><

i think even HE got frustrated trying to get me to do it right

play few keys

glide

play summore

glide

slam on chords

technically i get the chords all wrong

i a bit lambat so fingers oso lambat

once again...

*bows* Thank You Joshua *salute*

************************************

okay here come's the complaints

there is a diff between MSKL and BTC

besides the spelling

andrianna shouldn't have told me MSKL was harder than BTFC

bad andrianna!!! *slap*

figures

now i even MORE scared

i've made a promise

that if i make it through MSKL

i will do BTC too

*ppppffffttttt*

first time go for competition

join EVERYTHING

crapper la you.....

i scared i kena belasah during sparing...><

dah lah i kecil....

so so so so so so so

i'm excited and scared

well if i dont do well this year there's always next year to try

it's worth the experience

as i've been avoiding the competition for the past few years

Master wants to send me but i said no

more or less cause i know i get stage fright

and get blank when i'm nervous

guess what?

i'm not 16 yet

so.....

i'll be like fighting with ppl 13 - 15 years strong

T^T

then it's now even worst.....><

kena belasah from ppl younger stronger than me

i'm not reall that naive

i know out there

there are people better than me

though Master says im good

i know there are plenty more ppl out there

that'll make me look like shit

*slaps*

curses...pessimist much?

so here goes nothing

i cross my fingers in coming back alive

hoping my face doesn't get damaged

praying i can still walk after it

*************************************

okay...

call me paranoid

usually i dont post about fam gatherings

but this one just aint right

i went to my uncle's

BIG HOUSE

COOL POND

COOL FISH

BIG BIG BIG

had dinner

and as usual at these gatherings

i find myself going

"he's my cousins?"

"she's my cousins?"

"he's my uncle?

"she's my aunty?"

point is...i dont know MOST of the ppl related to me

so i met this cousin

listening to linkin park

drinking down coke

sitting on the swing in the playground

so i went around asking their names

just so my mum WONT complain aboiut me being anti-social again

so there's Earlwin , Alex , Joshua , Jia Chii etc etc etc

everytime it feels like the boys truely outnumber the girls in the gatherings

and they do actually

so i went to get more coke

saw Earlwin pouring, so i just held out my cup

malas punye org...so liddat lo...xD

nicely he pouring n smiling...oO'''

i suffer in family gatherings as there is NO ONE my age

i have VERY rude cousins [uncle i think] that call me in words they should'nt be calling me in

i have an aunty and uncle that are younger than me

go figure...

dying of boredom

lying on the one of the single sofas laid side by side

letting linkin park keep me company

out of no where

Earlwin came told me he didn't know i was his cousin so he was a bit shy

okay....i think i get it...and maybe i didnt

yet i just said i did...

he sat beside me

my head was at the arm rest of the two chairs

i might be thinking too much

but i felt him staring

he leans closer occasionally

pinch me sometimes

mostly staring

which i find very weird

when i stared back he smiles

*fishhh*

fineeeeeee...weird ppl...

so i ignore the fact he stared like hell

then he asked if i had a boyfriend.....

WTF...since when does your cousin ask u that?!?!

unless youre really close to them la

asked for my number

well...he's my cousin....

what harm can he do....xD

right...

leaving time...

i figured why he didnt say goodbye to my sister

he only said good bye to me....

LAWLS...

okay rachel...thinking too much...

T^T

***************************

my past isnt much to look up to

really it isn't

the amount of lie and tragedies i've caused

the amount of sins i've commited

the heap of people i've hurt

knowingly and unknowingly

the heap of people that have hurt me

knowingly and unknowingly

the consumation of my own memories

i might try to start again

bit they still live in me

they're painted in black and white

sometimes i really figured

that life isn't much of what most people say is worth the battle

between the good and the bad

between the worthy and the unworthy

between the sucessful and the unsucessful

between the failure and the achievement

between the right and the wrong

between the saints and the sinners

between the villians and the superheroes

so some names that DO bring back memories

names that brought back the sorrows

adn yet somehow there's just a bit of

" i-dont-really-care-anymore"

that brings out the strength to live on

keeping myself away from the knife

far from the scissors

beyond the reach of the blade

** Thirty Four **

F A L L E N
into love
into despair
into desparation
into hatrate
into imaginations
into darkness

F E L T

the sadness

the sorrow

the pain

the happiness

the joy

the bliss

the nightmares

the dreams

S A N K

deep into the abyss

under everything real

behind a mask

through lies

into fire

W I T N E S S E D

the mixed emotions

confusions

feeling lost

the crowd

alone

silenced

tired

the complications

F O R G O T T E N

the past

the memories

the faded

the deleted

the venom

the poison

the trashed

R andomly speaking, feeling fa R

A nswers i never will get, behind the lens of the camer A

C alling out for help, to be optimisti C

H opes , crus H

E verything is shattered, nothing mor E

L ost within the sands of time, to kil L

************************

i spend so long just doing the above

well

my mum's falling sick

and my report card's out tomorrow

someone has to go get it with me

and if my mum's sick

and my dad's not free [ i think ]

who's gonna get it?!?!?!

ahhh...my results aren't much to see anyway

well im failing more and more

and i really wish i could do something about it

2 months dead line draws closer

taekwondo BTFC championship even closer

DAMNNNNNNNN

i really wanted to get started today

and when i REALLY wanted to start

i had to go out get dinner

cuz my mum's sick

my post's grows shorter and shorter

but hey...at least i update

i feel a bit hung over lately

like i've been walking on air all this while

i cant feel my legs

seriously!!!!!

so my late nights really do kill me

but i dont have a choice

i have to do things

i still have homework to be done

not to mention

the occasional "distractions"

i really need to slap myself back to earth

cuz i know

i am no longer here

somehow

it feels like it anyway

maybe it's just all this crap surrounding me right now

one more silly complication

and i swear i will burst out

just one itsy bitsy thing

and i swear i will be kicking and screaming

so forgive me if i do

><'''

im under A LOT of "pressure" at the moment

** Thirty Three **

i think i really need a time out... im tired!!!!!

i am overworked

i am exhausted

i dont have time to do anything i love anymore

i am a zombie

i am a robot

here's my daily routine now

...get up

...brush teeth

...get dressed

...go downstairs

...eat

...pack bag

...get into the car

...half asleep

...get to school

...go through the canteen

...into the hallway

...drag feet up the stairs

...drag self to class

...sit

...wait for recess

....crap with classmate

...recess eat

....line up

....go to class

...sit

....crap again

....go home

....eat

....sit down

...think

...get frustrated

...trashes manuscript paper

...goes to the comp

...sits there

...cracks brain

...practises music

....practises taekwondo

...too tired

...eat dinner

...sleep

more or less thats what my life has been for the past few weeks

in out in out

excluding the tuition and curicular activities

so i apologize for not updating everyday...

im very so very tired...

****************************

i need a partner for the JAMC thingy

anyone out there want to partner?!?!?!

i really cant do 3 on my own

this i admit

and i really need help

big time

i have no inspiration thats one

i have no idea how de hell do i do it

ok....

relax...

i have 2 months to do this...

oO

owh crap

that aint much of a time

Fish!!!!

somehow i feel like a real idiot when i stand amongst the contestants

like im so sakaii liddat

they were staring one kind

i was staring one kind

curses im such an idiot

ok i get started soon

so dont balme me for not updating again....

busy busy busy~

***********************

you know what happens when i get home

i drop myself onto the bed

and i really do just fall asleep

you know like instantly

yeah in my school uniform i slept

all the way til 5 or 6

and then i take my bath

and i still feel tired

then its dinner

i seriously need time to stop

so that i can fill my energy bar again

so here i am..

trying to feel life

though im such a robot right now

meep~! meep~! meep~!

I . AM . RACHEL .

NICE . TO . MEET . YOU .
for once i really want to live in a bubble

away from all this

it's TOO MUCH!!!!!

TO HANDLE!!!!

saturday is open day

so ears~

prepare to face the music

** Thirty Two **

i hate m o n d a y s
my head hurt right now
i am so very confused
i want to speak
but word wouldn't come out
i gave the signs
but no one saw them

i hate m o n d a y s

of all my four years in st mary

i have never went to support cheer

so i decide to do so this year

don't get me wrong

amanda n esther

you two have been cheering all your life

but i just don't like seeing people smile so much

really i could see through all the fake-ness in them

sat there for the entire day

watching

waiting

and somehow i expected S E L L O R S

to do so much better

G E N E S I S did fairly well

for newcomers

so

that was a real sad soap opera

poor shi ling

wee kiat came in the second half

introduced himself as my brother

and she thought he was my biological brother

until i told her toward the end

lol

i hate m o n d a y s

bon odori was fun

just the journey by train was utter boredom

what to do oil price went up

save some petrol

reached about 7 something

got bowie to help with my yukata

had a random girl help me tie my obi

damn i so useless

followed around the circle doing the cultural dance

it may sound boring

but its real f u n

met Muted towards the end

bowie went abck with mun-mun earlier

i had ice cream!!!!!

i hate m o n d a y s

i have made my point

that i hate mondays

and having all my sciences on one day

doesnt help

i have PHY BIO CHEM all in one day

hey i won't mind if the teachers are awesome

some of the teachers here can put the ENTIRE student body

in to eternal slumber

yeah thats how "powerful" they are

moral class was ok

sat in class talking to PnDeva bout cheer08

i hate m o n d a y s

my homework is still piled up

as usual

so when you have a teacher like MissTan
who checks hw

you tend to be doomed

my obsession with coke needs to be handled

i'm gulping down 6 cans of coke per day

i'm drinking coke like water

which according to several people

will corrode my tummy

lol

let coke corrode then

xD

i hate m o n d a y s

i feel them looking down on me

no where to hide

no room to breath

im like a flower in a shade

im like a bird in a cage

i want a real life

i just wanna feel life

getting tired of living in a bubble

** Thirty One **

there's a certain part of me that might just cry out for help and there's this tiny section of me that might just break down and cry there's this certain part in me that might just give up on all that's made worth while so here's a post with no full stops a post for utter nonsense from the two days i was away there comes a point where i really cannot take it anymore where i really am at the breaking point at the limit so maybe one group of people tells me he's gay and another tells me he's weird doesn't mean i still cant be with him and even if he is a bit gay so what it's not like I'm not all that of a girl anyway main point is most people have trouble accepting people for who they are it's like if they're gay you cant hang out with them cause you'll turn gay sooner or later well if you're going to be that influenced by them then yes seriously if you have friends you wont need to change yourself to be with them all you have to do is be yourself really there is nothing wrong with it and with all this stuff revolving around me i really need some time to breath it's like i dont even have time to breath anymore one moment i'm practising taekwondo the other i'll be staring at the empty manuscript cracking my brain and now my muscles hurt for dancing just so you know i'm consuming five to six can of coke per day which is not very healthy according to "some people" well few days back we had some ceramah moral thingy first the guy was rude real rude then it was fun did the chicken dance and the end next day we went through spotcheck and on that day i had to decide to bring my phone well my nails were one lie and my phone was another guess i'm such an innocent girl even the prefects thrust me lol i had my phone in the pocket of my shorts so i told her it was i tuition fees a whole lum sum of it and my nails i said i needed them for the guitar and that i misplaced my wallet that morning so i had no pass brilliant right tomorrow is bon odori i'm hardly excited i'm rather scared actually damn i need a body guard hydde's in london so i cant do anything about it well i like the peace really i do it's not like i live on people feeding me sweet words that don't mean much to me in addition to my not-so-awesome-keyboard i'm pasting all my a's again you can count the a's if you want to see how many times i had to press ctrl+v i wanted to do a post without any a's in it to save me the trouble but i just can't ok i've just finished my sixth coke for the day i need to buy a new carton soon damn my music class is tomorrow and i haven't done a thing ok i'm going for bon odori and also cheer i come armed with a dagger and a pistol and a fork if that doesn't work i can always kick the chickens okay this is the part where i start thinking out loud rachel you need to be a girl now no actually not really i think it's better if i just be me it's not like it's worth changing heck i won't even change if my mother asked me to so bottom line rachel don't change maybe i should change hydde make him a bit boyish lol dream on girl now what to wear what to wear first of all i do not know how to work my yukata second i cant tie my obi third what the hell am i gonna do with my hair owh damn okay the crap we made up in class on our ship and stuff i cant exactly type when i'm pvsting every single a in the freaking word that im freaking using so here i am i say when i feel like dressing like a girl i will and most of the time when i feel like dressing like a guy i will too and when i grow up erm that is if i do grow up which is most likey not to happen but it's still an if cause i know there will be a time i will have to grow up and until that time comes i'll be sitting in the corner of my room cuddling into my blanket hugging my favourite teddy bear singing myself to sleep

** Thirty **

TUESDAYS
always tiring
always hectic
always too much to handle
i have school
taekwondo
and the tuition
and occasionally i have to make dinner
and then it's a bath
homework
blogging
computer
crapping
scribbling
more homework
and sleep
so today's taekwondo training was tiring as usual
cuz all i had was a can of MILO
i had another 5 cans of coke when i got back...
haha...i <3

** Twenty Nine **

i no longer care what you tell me

i dont give a damn what you say about me

and i dont really mind if you do insult me in anyway

i really am sick of everyone

im sick of feeling so stupid

im sick of feeling so sloppy

im sick of feeling so conscious

im sick of feeling so lousy

im sick of feeling so useless

im sick of feeling so talentless

im just so sick of it

and everytime when i do give it shot

some bigger comes out

and what i just did is like

okay....fine....whatever...

i really don't know

how am i going to live up to my mum

its like she's expecting way too much

its so much more

than i can very do

maybe i shouldn't have left my Moral paper on the floor

cause she saw and she.......

long story short

i passed my Moral by 4 marks

somehow...

i feel like shit

yeah my results suck

to tell you the truth

its normal for me

no longer a BIG shocker

coming up

i have 4 diagnostic test for add math to sit

and teacher says i have to pass it all

well...not only me

all of Form4 i think

but still.......

it's freaking addmath...

Ive been spending way too long

checking my tongue into the mirror

and bending over backwards

just to try to see it clearer

but my breath fogged up the glass

so i drew a new face and laughed

i guess what im saying is

there aint no better reason

to rid yourself of vanity

and just go with the seasons

[I'm Yours - Jason Marz]
Miss Yus's birthday today

she made bio so freaking FUNNNNNN

it's sad PnChieng has to come back

so a BIG HaPPY BIRTHDaY to MISS YUS

haih...

pasting my a's again...damn you keyboard

GOOD LUCK

MICHIE

JOSEPHINE

DaLSHINI

KaMILIa

TOMORROW

GIVE IT aLL YOU'VE GOT

JIaYOUXXXX

GaMBaTEHHH

GO GO GO

BREaK a LEG

DO YOUR BEST

whoops.....high again

too much coke?

no...

last i drank was yesterday

i just cant believe something like this would happen

anyway...

tomorrow i have taekwondo

must go competition rachel

must go

loveeeessssss -rachel-

** Twenty Eight **

Drew on my hand today

and i'm pasting my a's once more

keyboard's going mad again

so a short one til this recovers

cause i can't be pasting my a's all the way

i go through the same old routine

if that isn't boring enough

i suffered in add math

and well...

pratically drawing on my arm was all i remember...

i went to tuition

drew somemore

well im dying of boredom there

went home

took my bath

dinner

yawns...

*******************

look what i have

COKEEEEEEEE

i finished the last 3 today

so i bought moreeee

man i love coke....<3

my drug for survival = COKE

** Twenty Seven **

had ooooddlleeessss of fun today

owh i drag myself out of bed

into my school uniform

down the stairs

up the car

into school compounds

up the stairs

into class

ZZzzzzzZZZzZZ

i went through class after class

ZZzzzzZzzzzzZz

aiyo today first day la...

so a bit

irritated...

whole day raining on and off

after recess....

thundering a bit

so i scared scared a bit

T^T

and then BM was fun

bina ayat oso laugh so loud

CikChong got us to do it orally after she gave a few to do in the book

she asked sarritha to do one...

and sarritha chose "baring-baring"

so she goes..

"saya baring-baring di atas tilam..."

"...sambil bercakap dengan telefon...."

then theeviyah went

"sambil melepaskan gas...."

LAWLS

sarritha had problems with the sentence

"bercakap dalam telefon..."

"...bercakap dengan telefon..."

"..."

then CikChong corrected her...

really truely

CikChong has changed for the better

she a bit more fun now....^^

well...at least she's willing to do something

so that WE dont fall asleep

then it was English

supposed to do my 2nd oral today

but teacher got stuff to attend to

so...i'm safe!!!!

she left after the 8th perriod

and we had the 9th period in the English room enjoying ourselves...

xD

we really did...

so let the photos speak for themselves...

pose ppl pose...xD

come one come all...syok sendiri betul...

dah dah....started la the madness

more and more came...semangat la... peace la... punching?!?!

jakoon-ish la.....

everybody wan to be in the picture...

dang...my poor head...xD

very dark la...

somebody get the LIGHTS!!!!!!

ahhh...now can see all the pretty faces..

i dunno WTF the three ppl are doing...

but all of us are fighting for the cam space...

kononnya wanna become hantu la this ppl...

and then...

we have our PIGs...

more cam whore pigs....

new species..

just discovered today

this kind of pigs loves the camera

poor huixian...kena cium...

OMG OMG!!!!...

virus virus...lol...

so me and umi's face liddat lorrrrr

ok...terambil....xD

they wanted to take passport photo it seems

so they're making the white background

buttttt

i took their butts...xD

bully me summore la....haiyo..

i know my face every square la...

...

damn...

stop laughing people...

started la...

fooling aroud with poor Kong's head

see...

kong go...=.='''

eh!!! tat day phantom...kong's hair nice la...

came we remake the hair...

lawls...

joanna the "wonderful" hairstylist

WAHHH!!!!!!!

lol...if only i danced that day in THIS hairstyle...

damn yeng...xD

ok ok....gila liao gila liao....

see la see la.....

madness

madness!!!

damn dont pull my fringe to the side....

ahhhh.*waves white flag*

oO

hahahahaha

***************

wow...my post lately has LOTS of picture in themm...

xD

well...more pictures = less talking...

wait til PnJudy finds out what we did....xD

then we're doomed...

=)