28 November 2008
24 November 2008
procrastinator in the house...
this was supposed to be done loooooooooooooong time ago
but it has been in drafts
but im done with it...xD finally
boxie...boxie...x3
lets rape the box...lawls...
bad idea to stick all that tape on my leg
tralalalalala....im feeling very patient today
look at the mess...AND THE LINKIN PARK CD AT THE CORNER....
full view the picture...esp this...there's a real nice note
pretty lil bracelet with the awesome's name on it...wakakaka
cwin cwin's gift....heh..=3
bad girly pink box...lawls...with not so girly present
random face...dont bother...
another shirt...
fuhh...addidas watch...x3
all the mugs i got....
16th november...self-confidence....lawls...yeah i lack of it
this was supposed to be done loooooooooooooong time ago
but it has been in drafts
but im done with it...xD finally
boxie...boxie...x3
lets rape the box...lawls...
bad idea to stick all that tape on my leg
tralalalalala....im feeling very patient today
look at the mess...AND THE LINKIN PARK CD AT THE CORNER....
full view the picture...esp this...there's a real nice note
pretty lil bracelet with the awesome's name on it...wakakaka
cwin cwin's gift....heh..=3
bad girly pink box...lawls...with not so girly present
random face...dont bother...
another shirt...
fuhh...addidas watch...x3
all the mugs i got....
16th november...self-confidence....lawls...yeah i lack of it
23 November 2008
I'm sitting in the dark
This is real
My tears wouldn't stop
My eyes are swollen by now
This is real
And i'm wondering
Why did i get myself into messes like this in the first place?!
This is real
My tears wouldn't stop
My eyes are swollen by now
This is real
And i'm wondering
Why did i get myself into messes like this in the first place?!
i don't find having split personalities scary
why is it scary
i don't even know if this is gonna make sense or not
i'll start anyway
top two. on the right is O. on the left is X. they come from a rich family. lived in a mansion above the hill overlooking all of town. X burnt down the house along with their parents one christmas night. X is elder than O by 13seconds. on a daily basis X and O are about the same but on every Friday the 13th, X is a head taller than O. at times X and O would switch their clips so u can't exactly use the clips to tell them apart. X's shirt is always black with white stripes, more black than white. O's shirt is always white with black stripes, more white than black. X is undecisive about alot of things and tend to make wrong choices. she's quiet most of the time and rarely talks to anyone, except O. O is the younger one but she predominantly can be taken as the elder one as she usually takes charge of things. she speaks for X most of the time.
the one with the voodoo doll n the one in the dress. they're not twins. the one in the dress is Emily. a happy-go-lucky girl. she's all flowers and ribbons. she runs around in parks chasing birds and butterflies. Emily's just optimistic about life. ahhh...u get the point. she's two years older than Eve. the one with the voodoo doll is Eve. she's the pessimist. she locks herself in her room all day with all the lights off. and only comes out for food. she's very tempremental and gets really pissed off when people touch her stuff. Emily and Eve are sisters that were seperated because their parents couldnt afford to care for both of them. Emily was adopted by another family at the age of four. Eve was left into the world of abuse. her father turned into a drunk and often beat her up. so Eve has the idea that everyone is like her dad. out to beat her and torture her. she has herself a little voodoo doll to do what she needs to, to those who hurt her.
finally the one with the long hair. Gracie doesn't talk much like X. she herself has split personalities. on rainy days she's happy and all giggly and stuff. on sunny days she's just down right pissed off with the world and all who inhabit it. she has a brother. he's somewhere in the world but she doesn't know where. she carries that teddy bear around, everywhere she goes. and guards it with her life. people think she has a mental disorder cuz she tends to talk to herself a lot and sometimes she screams at herself for no reason. Gracie cries a lot cuz she's in pain. she tries very hard to be strong. Gracie is under denial that she killed her brother. she did but she's just a kid. it was an accident and nobody would understand.
toldya i wasn't making any sense at all
21 November 2008
My mum's in de hospital. Don't ask me why or how i'm coping with it. I'm fine. She's jus immobile lying no de hospital bed for now cuz she jus had her op yesterday. My dad spends his whole day there by her side. I can't even last a half a day. He feeds her barli n all the food de hospital provides. And makes sure she isn't disturbed. I watch them find her veins n poke tat needle into it. Where the nurse inserts a whole lot of medication from a syringe and made her cry. The nurses are nice at least. Then she is connected to a machine tat slowly inserts more medication in. My dad says it's a drip. Watever that means. I had my lunch in her room today. McDonald's. Feels as if i was camping in that room since forever. Keeping quiet n letting my mum rest wasn't a problem i had other things running through my puny brain. Owh. i was snooping around in my mum's inbox which i shouldn't have been but... "if they prick ur little finger, mine would bleed. but we can't both be crying..." i forgot de rest. My mum can barely talk right now. Or maybe it's me who can't make out the words.
Right now i feel as if i no longer know what to think anymore. Yea. That present i was fussy about arrived long time ago but my internet connection is so bad i can't even upload de damn thing. So i've given up, really. Like i said, i don't know what to think anymore. I know there's something seriously wrong with me. Cuz everytime it crosses my mind it hurts. Like literally it stings. And i can barely breath. I had to get up today n walk around just to catch my breath again. Sometimes it stings so much i occasionally resort to just wishing i was dead. Maybe it's a nervous breakdown. And no it's not because my mother is in de hospital. I no longer know what to feel. Right now i spend excessive time sitting on the roof watching the house behind mine take shape. That 3story building that took down all the trees behind my house that used to be such a nice little view when the sun sets and put cracks in my walls. That building. Ah. Crap. It's back. It stung. Like a minor heartattack. Painful but no closer to death than a little ant bite. I am slowly getting more and more disfunctional. I used to sing like no one's listening. But now i can't even find the voice to whisper. I used to dance like no one's watching. But now i can't even pick myself up n out of bed for a new day. I used to love the food i eat. But right now everything is tasteless. I used to have a lot of things to do even if i have nothing to do. But right now i just throw myself on bed and close my eyes wishing i never had to get up. I wonder if this minor heartattack thing happens way too often i might jus be dead one day from it. I'd be the first. My selfesteem is growing thinner as the clock ticks. I no longer want to touch MSN for that reason. I no longer want to be in contact with anyone. Ah. It hurts. Again. I know why i'm sick. I know why i have my nose clogged, my throat burning and my temperature rising occasionally. I know. For once in a very extremely long time, i had shampoo in my eye. It stings. Thinking maybe it'd blinded me. I'm going insane. I wake up everyday and scare myself. Slowly. Something. Is feeding de life out of me. I'm afraid of me. I really do wanna run somewhere. A place it wouldn't sting everything i thought of it. Somewhere i could just live. Right now it feels as if hiding is de only option i have. Believe me. Nobody can help stop the stinging. No one can make it better. I brought it upon myself n i don't think i am even sane anymore. I sat the entire night in my closet hugging myself. And it stung again. Tears started to trickle cuz it wouldn't stop. It was temporary like it always was. It decided to stay. I could've gulped down dozens of coke just to ease de pain. But i haven't touched a single can since my birthday. I am no longer in control of my life. I'm going to play "Still Life" on de xbox later. Something to keep my brain occupied. Then again if the pain decides to stay i won't even bother to drag myself down the stairs. How many of u see how much pain i'm in when u see me in person. None. A cleverly disguised poison. Polluting my entire system. Draining every last drop of strength in me. Bringing me closer and closer to insanity. No. Don't. Half of u want to understand and help. Don't. There's nothing anyone can possibly do. Ah. Fuck. This is worst than ur regular heartless heartattack. If ever it was tat simple. Pop. And ur dead. Ur heart stops n so do u. Damn now i feel like throwing up.
Right now i feel as if i no longer know what to think anymore. Yea. That present i was fussy about arrived long time ago but my internet connection is so bad i can't even upload de damn thing. So i've given up, really. Like i said, i don't know what to think anymore. I know there's something seriously wrong with me. Cuz everytime it crosses my mind it hurts. Like literally it stings. And i can barely breath. I had to get up today n walk around just to catch my breath again. Sometimes it stings so much i occasionally resort to just wishing i was dead. Maybe it's a nervous breakdown. And no it's not because my mother is in de hospital. I no longer know what to feel. Right now i spend excessive time sitting on the roof watching the house behind mine take shape. That 3story building that took down all the trees behind my house that used to be such a nice little view when the sun sets and put cracks in my walls. That building. Ah. Crap. It's back. It stung. Like a minor heartattack. Painful but no closer to death than a little ant bite. I am slowly getting more and more disfunctional. I used to sing like no one's listening. But now i can't even find the voice to whisper. I used to dance like no one's watching. But now i can't even pick myself up n out of bed for a new day. I used to love the food i eat. But right now everything is tasteless. I used to have a lot of things to do even if i have nothing to do. But right now i just throw myself on bed and close my eyes wishing i never had to get up. I wonder if this minor heartattack thing happens way too often i might jus be dead one day from it. I'd be the first. My selfesteem is growing thinner as the clock ticks. I no longer want to touch MSN for that reason. I no longer want to be in contact with anyone. Ah. It hurts. Again. I know why i'm sick. I know why i have my nose clogged, my throat burning and my temperature rising occasionally. I know. For once in a very extremely long time, i had shampoo in my eye. It stings. Thinking maybe it'd blinded me. I'm going insane. I wake up everyday and scare myself. Slowly. Something. Is feeding de life out of me. I'm afraid of me. I really do wanna run somewhere. A place it wouldn't sting everything i thought of it. Somewhere i could just live. Right now it feels as if hiding is de only option i have. Believe me. Nobody can help stop the stinging. No one can make it better. I brought it upon myself n i don't think i am even sane anymore. I sat the entire night in my closet hugging myself. And it stung again. Tears started to trickle cuz it wouldn't stop. It was temporary like it always was. It decided to stay. I could've gulped down dozens of coke just to ease de pain. But i haven't touched a single can since my birthday. I am no longer in control of my life. I'm going to play "Still Life" on de xbox later. Something to keep my brain occupied. Then again if the pain decides to stay i won't even bother to drag myself down the stairs. How many of u see how much pain i'm in when u see me in person. None. A cleverly disguised poison. Polluting my entire system. Draining every last drop of strength in me. Bringing me closer and closer to insanity. No. Don't. Half of u want to understand and help. Don't. There's nothing anyone can possibly do. Ah. Fuck. This is worst than ur regular heartless heartattack. If ever it was tat simple. Pop. And ur dead. Ur heart stops n so do u. Damn now i feel like throwing up.
17 November 2008
first...TADA...MY BELOVED FIGURINE
LELOUCH...gyahhhhhhh <3
spent the whole night snapping countless shots of him
hahaha
then i got confused and realized i fixed in two left hands
goshh...
dont blame me...
i have pieces of my childhood that's missing
p.s. it cost me RM120 and a huge hole in my pocket
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celebrated my birthday.
i dont have much of the pictures.
lazy to take.
and right now i lazy to blog.
a bunch of friends came over.
not forgetting my family members.
drank half a can.
face all red.
i was not drunk.
collecting presents and ang pau.
sinisterly planned game from my dad.
yeah. i had to vibrate my non existance ass.
but everyone loved it.
then most went home.
some stayed over.
we played water. got real drenched.
sat out in the porch playing the the great quality balloons.
naming all the balloons. killing them. lol.
then we cleaned up and dried off.
spent the night watching ''mind your language''.
playing cluedo.
i was busy smsing.
owh my cake.
i had jelly cake. yeah jelly. with lotsa colours on it.
don't laugh.
i haven't grown up though i need to.
i had a 'spongebob' cake n an 'ant's life' cake
tralalalalaa...
i know i'm childish.
it was fun to have my friends over.
falling asleep watchin ''mind your language''.
off the tv and we're making noise again.
we slept. for a bit.
went to metroprima to watch madagascar2.
thank god for advertisements...xD
not as good as the first but ok i guess.
then we played with the lift.
up all the way to the parking.
all the way back down to eat 'teppanyaki'.
sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry keishh...so sorry...
im so sorry....
then back to my house.
ramya went home. then kavvish.
esther stayed for dinner.
saved from chicken rice. heh...
and now i'm here blogging.
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I'D TAKE A SHOT OF ALL MY PRESENTS
BUT I'M STILL SHORT OF ONE
SO PATIENCE PEOPLE
HECK...I WANT MY PRESENT
STUPID POSTMAN
CURSESSSSSSS
USELESS GOOD FOR NOTHING POSTMAN
STUPID STUPID STUPID
IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT
FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK
STUPID-IDIOT-GOOD-FOR-NOTHING-FREAK-POSTMAN
DELIEVER RING THE FREAKING DOORBELL LA LOSER
THERE'S A FUCKING BUTTON THERE
DUNNO HOW TO RING ISSIT
IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE GONNA GET ELECTROCUTED WHEN YOU DO
ARGH
MY PRESENTTT...SOBS SOBS...
AND NOW I HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY TO DAMANSARA TO GET MY BELOVED PRESENT
OR WAIT A FEW MORE EXTRA DAYS BEFORE I CAN GET IT
SERIOUSLY...ROT IN HELL LA DUMB ASS POSTMAN
MAKE ME WAIT EVEN LONGER FOR MY PRESENT
STUPID IDIOTS OF A POSTMANS WE HAVE HERE IN MALAYSIA
sobs...
i want to open my present
i want to open my present
i want to open my present
sobs...
stupid postman...
bully me...
idiotic postman...
curse you...
rot in hell...
skin u alive...
dig ur eyeballs out...
sobs....
stupid
stupid
stupid
i want to open my present
i want to open my present
i want to open my present
sobs...
stupid postman...
bully me...
idiotic postman...
curse you...
rot in hell...
skin u alive...
dig ur eyeballs out...
sobs....
stupid
stupid
stupid
16 November 2008
no the blood will not stop
no the pain will not disappear
no the scars will not heal
no the hurt will not pass
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[[p.s. my shift doesn't work]]
''then eat some more ice cream.'' monotonal and sweet, the little girl at the corner in her favourite red dress. her silky charcoal hair drapes down her shoulders, just touching the floor. she held a doll in her arms; a pupette. the music box has fallen, playing the last of its tune. a sad silent call no one could hear.
she watch her life disappear. ''no. no. no.'' she ran fast; maybe just not fast enough. one by one they melted. her final cry. trapped in here forever.
the mirror reflected someone she knew. fixing herself; tightening the nuts and bolts under her skin. checking every detail. everything hides back under her skin. she sneers and leaves the room. the lights are off and the place is serene. in the mirror; she's still standing. pounding her fists on the barrier. she screams but no one can hear her.
the lights turn back on. the water cripples in the tub, but there, staring back are pair of glimmering blue eyes in the dark. begging. crying out. pleading. she sees her but she's in here. she tried; struggled.
the air is thickening in here. she can barely breath. slowly she's fading. burning out.
''then eat some more ice cream.'' monotonal and sweet, the little girl at the corner in her favourite red dress. her silky charcoal hair drapes down her shoulders, just touching the floor. she held a doll in her arms; a pupette. the music box has fallen, playing the last of its tune. a sad silent call no one could hear. she opens her eyes, those sparkly sapphire eyes. blood trickles down but you can barely see it. she's just staring; waiting for her time to come.
waiting to become nothingness.
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yay...happy birthday to me...xD
15 November 2008
i am getting my belly pierced whether they like it or not
they have no right to say i cant
it's my body and i have every right to do whatever i want with it
assuming i wouldn't make such a decision, they think someone influenced me
it's just a little belly piercing
it's not like i'm gonna go all out and pierce my eyelids, eyebrow, nose n every possible part that's piercable
nobody's gonna see it anyway
even the school won't know
so why make me wait another 2 fucking years before i can pierce
i will pierce whether they like it or not
i don't care if they punish me owh so badly for it
i don't care
_________________________
i feel my individuality slowly distorting
i feel my difference that makes me special disappearing
i feel my uniqueness stealing away from me
i feel the struggle to keep me alive
i feel
_________________________
i do not want to talk about today
i feel like a big let down
i feel like a complete idiot
but then again i didn expect much from 2hours of learning n perfecting a 3minute routine is simply bullshit
acf was extremely boring
i wasn't even bothered to snap pictures
i spend my entire day loitering around timesquare
total waste
but now eating sharkfin
yummy...update later
they have no right to say i cant
it's my body and i have every right to do whatever i want with it
assuming i wouldn't make such a decision, they think someone influenced me
it's just a little belly piercing
it's not like i'm gonna go all out and pierce my eyelids, eyebrow, nose n every possible part that's piercable
nobody's gonna see it anyway
even the school won't know
so why make me wait another 2 fucking years before i can pierce
i will pierce whether they like it or not
i don't care if they punish me owh so badly for it
i don't care
_________________________
i feel my individuality slowly distorting
i feel my difference that makes me special disappearing
i feel my uniqueness stealing away from me
i feel the struggle to keep me alive
i feel
_________________________
i do not want to talk about today
i feel like a big let down
i feel like a complete idiot
but then again i didn expect much from 2hours of learning n perfecting a 3minute routine is simply bullshit
acf was extremely boring
i wasn't even bothered to snap pictures
i spend my entire day loitering around timesquare
total waste
but now eating sharkfin
yummy...update later
14 November 2008
i hate it. how everyone comes telling me how great X is. how everyone comes telling how much i am like X. i hate it. i am not trying to be X. and i am most certainly not tyring to clone X. i dont clone people. it's idiotic to clone someone.
i despise it. how everyone compares me with X. how people tell me facts about me and X clearly i know. it's like as if you are rubbing salt into the wound. making things worst. i despise it. how everyone thinks X is better. how everyone takes me as second best to X.
i hate it. how everyone assumes i know where X is all the time. how everyone expects me to be stuck with X all the time. i hate it. how everyone likes X. how everyone loves X. how everyone simply adores whatever X does.
i despise it. how everyone sees me as a second to X. how everyone assumes i am copying whatever X does. how everyone thinks im in love with X. i despise it. how my self confidence gets crushed around X. how i feel so unknown around X. how X makes me feel more than invisble.
i hate it. how X does nothing but get all the attention. how everyone worships X. how everyone finds X so awesome. i hate it. how much i try X still remains on top. how much X undermines my confidence. how much X makes me feel so uselessly fugly. how X gets chances i'd never get.
then maybe. this might just be a little thing called jelousy. i know it is. it's so obvious it is. and how much i hate this. there are days i wish i was X. and days i just want to hang X to death for doing this to me.
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i am depressed...very...
i despise it. how everyone compares me with X. how people tell me facts about me and X clearly i know. it's like as if you are rubbing salt into the wound. making things worst. i despise it. how everyone thinks X is better. how everyone takes me as second best to X.
i hate it. how everyone assumes i know where X is all the time. how everyone expects me to be stuck with X all the time. i hate it. how everyone likes X. how everyone loves X. how everyone simply adores whatever X does.
i despise it. how everyone sees me as a second to X. how everyone assumes i am copying whatever X does. how everyone thinks im in love with X. i despise it. how my self confidence gets crushed around X. how i feel so unknown around X. how X makes me feel more than invisble.
i hate it. how X does nothing but get all the attention. how everyone worships X. how everyone finds X so awesome. i hate it. how much i try X still remains on top. how much X undermines my confidence. how much X makes me feel so uselessly fugly. how X gets chances i'd never get.
then maybe. this might just be a little thing called jelousy. i know it is. it's so obvious it is. and how much i hate this. there are days i wish i was X. and days i just want to hang X to death for doing this to me.
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK
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i am depressed...very...
it's the last day of school. and i was counting down the minutes to 12 today. why i do not know. fact is i didn't do anything productive if that's what you people expected. sat down with keishailla, josephine, sri, marie, lulu, dudu, dhila, neermala, shangeeth, ramya, andrianna, huei cwin, theeviyah and we talk talk talk talk. well i didnt talk, they did. flashing back on times we had in primary shcool. and silly things we'd do. games we'd play and get in trouble for it. the long list of teachers we love and hate. the weird things they'd do.
then i went to library to watch Mama Mia. finish up where i left off day before yesterday. i can sing every song there is in that movie. wakakakaka. my childhood has been filled with mindless abba, beetles, etc etc. then again, those are nice songs. though old. then after that got kicked out again. lepak at sc3 again. sit there talking with lulu,keish, andri,cwin n meiyeen. recess. ahhhh...my very last recess. then i had to bring back the MnM box. owh owh. me, andri, cwin was playing dots. connecting the dots is fun. ahahahahaah.
gosh. we sembah the class. mourned over the erasement of our board. seh, ourboard look so empty after i erased it. sob sob. so sad. cuz it doesn't seme like our class anymore. ahhh...then we were singing as we were cleaning up. woots. noisy sehh. but we dont care. then i was sweating like hell there. so freaking hot. and MissGoh had to give a long long speech. and when we cheered she's just ask us to clap. i'm not much of a lady so cheering is a must. hahahahaha.
then i had extreme pain. what made it worst, my mum came half an hour late. and i had to stand there and the excruciating pain kept coming and going. felt like dying. dunno whats wrong oso. then in the car. i don't know if she is blind or what, can't she see i'm in pain. some more want to go selayang mall eat sushi king. well, i wouldn't turn down such a thing. but at that time i just wanted to go home, lay on the bed and sleep off the pain.
maybe i was rude to her in the car. sorry. today's her birthday and i pissed her off yesterday. today's her brithday and i haven't wished her. what a daughter she has. sigh.
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i am really sick of everyone in the world telling me
'i don't have a girl/boyfriend la'
'why isn't there anyone chasing me'
'i'm [insert age] and i still dont have a gril/boyfriend'
'help me find one'
do i look like a professional match maker to you. do i look like i know that many people. do i look like i even care [ok maybe i faked that face]. heck.
some of you are so freaking stuck up even i cannot stand you. what more everyone else. some of you are just plain desprate. i dont understand whats the rush in finding a girl/boyfriend. it's not like the worlds gonna end tomorrow and you have to get one asap. or maybe you think it's a trend you have to follow cuz your friends have them, you'd have to have as well or else you'd feel isolated.
look on the bright side there are plenty of unmarried people in the world. maybe you're just one of them. gosh im so mean.
but i am really getting so fucking sick and tired. it's worst when you people come and tell me all your sad sobbing soap opera stories. as if i haven't heard enough of it. one will come telling me 'boohoo my boyfriend cheated on me. i'm so sad.how can he do this to me.'. the other will say 'my girlfriend doesn't understand what i tried to tell her.'. seriously as if complaining to me makes anything better. aren't you people supposed to talk amongst yourselves and sort things out.
when you people get into a quarrell both of you don't want to talk to each other. okay. fine. don't talk. that's ok. but you people say you guys don't want to talk to each other, when you see each other it's like.
'tell him i dnt want to see him'
'tell her i dont care'
'tell him i dont either'
'tell her to get out of my face'
WTF people. you said you weren't gonna talk to each other. and i feel like MSN. conveying your messages to her/him. and i'm too nice of a friend to actually tell both of you off. people ask me why the hell do i go with it. i smile and say, 'they're both my friends'.
you two will be so sweet and loving together and when you break up, you cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry. as if it helps. i can do with the cyring. just offer shoulder and be there for them. that's okay. by far this is the worst ever idea anyone has come out with probably she's been watching too much 'John Tucker Must Die'. cuz that's what she told me to do exactly. lie to her ex. make him fall in love with me. and shred him into pieces. seriously. if you feel played by that idiot then keep it to yourself. don't drag me into this. all you have to do is let go and move on with you pathetic life. why do you hold back.
yeah. for the first few weeks it's okay to cry and crap. hell, WTF are you trying to pull when you drag it on to a month or two. the mention of th e name and you burst out in tears. i sit there and roll my eyes. i no longer lend my shoulder for you to cry on.
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plans for tomorrow.
ACF. dance competition. keish's party.
i shall be out for the entire day tomorrow. somewhat like that. toldya i'm a busy person. hahaha...
ok...my birthday.
guess i'm celebrating it on the 16th of Novembaaa
sitting at home. alone in front of the computer. lawls. yeah. riteeeeee....
let's play with some water. a lot of water. get all drenched. run into the air conditioning. catch a cold. wakakakaka.
um...then we stay up. i dont know what we're gonna do. but we'll stay up. unless you people want to sleep.
then...we...um...might just go bowling. though i suck. we open that flappy thingy so there's no long kang. hahahaha...then all you have to do is roll the damn ball. hows that.
i forgot to ask you people...what time you'll be going home...lawls...die la die la...xD
owh well...anything's fine...it's just an ordinary birthday party
nothing special about it....
everything's normal...
just the way i like it...
then i went to library to watch Mama Mia. finish up where i left off day before yesterday. i can sing every song there is in that movie. wakakakaka. my childhood has been filled with mindless abba, beetles, etc etc. then again, those are nice songs. though old. then after that got kicked out again. lepak at sc3 again. sit there talking with lulu,keish, andri,cwin n meiyeen. recess. ahhhh...my very last recess. then i had to bring back the MnM box. owh owh. me, andri, cwin was playing dots. connecting the dots is fun. ahahahahaah.
gosh. we sembah the class. mourned over the erasement of our board. seh, ourboard look so empty after i erased it. sob sob. so sad. cuz it doesn't seme like our class anymore. ahhh...then we were singing as we were cleaning up. woots. noisy sehh. but we dont care. then i was sweating like hell there. so freaking hot. and MissGoh had to give a long long speech. and when we cheered she's just ask us to clap. i'm not much of a lady so cheering is a must. hahahahaha.
then i had extreme pain. what made it worst, my mum came half an hour late. and i had to stand there and the excruciating pain kept coming and going. felt like dying. dunno whats wrong oso. then in the car. i don't know if she is blind or what, can't she see i'm in pain. some more want to go selayang mall eat sushi king. well, i wouldn't turn down such a thing. but at that time i just wanted to go home, lay on the bed and sleep off the pain.
maybe i was rude to her in the car. sorry. today's her birthday and i pissed her off yesterday. today's her brithday and i haven't wished her. what a daughter she has. sigh.
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i am really sick of everyone in the world telling me
'i don't have a girl/boyfriend la'
'why isn't there anyone chasing me'
'i'm [insert age] and i still dont have a gril/boyfriend'
'help me find one'
do i look like a professional match maker to you. do i look like i know that many people. do i look like i even care [ok maybe i faked that face]. heck.
some of you are so freaking stuck up even i cannot stand you. what more everyone else. some of you are just plain desprate. i dont understand whats the rush in finding a girl/boyfriend. it's not like the worlds gonna end tomorrow and you have to get one asap. or maybe you think it's a trend you have to follow cuz your friends have them, you'd have to have as well or else you'd feel isolated.
look on the bright side there are plenty of unmarried people in the world. maybe you're just one of them. gosh im so mean.
but i am really getting so fucking sick and tired. it's worst when you people come and tell me all your sad sobbing soap opera stories. as if i haven't heard enough of it. one will come telling me 'boohoo my boyfriend cheated on me. i'm so sad.how can he do this to me.'. the other will say 'my girlfriend doesn't understand what i tried to tell her.'. seriously as if complaining to me makes anything better. aren't you people supposed to talk amongst yourselves and sort things out.
when you people get into a quarrell both of you don't want to talk to each other. okay. fine. don't talk. that's ok. but you people say you guys don't want to talk to each other, when you see each other it's like.
'tell him i dnt want to see him'
'tell her i dont care'
'tell him i dont either'
'tell her to get out of my face'
WTF people. you said you weren't gonna talk to each other. and i feel like MSN. conveying your messages to her/him. and i'm too nice of a friend to actually tell both of you off. people ask me why the hell do i go with it. i smile and say, 'they're both my friends'.
you two will be so sweet and loving together and when you break up, you cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry. as if it helps. i can do with the cyring. just offer shoulder and be there for them. that's okay. by far this is the worst ever idea anyone has come out with probably she's been watching too much 'John Tucker Must Die'. cuz that's what she told me to do exactly. lie to her ex. make him fall in love with me. and shred him into pieces. seriously. if you feel played by that idiot then keep it to yourself. don't drag me into this. all you have to do is let go and move on with you pathetic life. why do you hold back.
yeah. for the first few weeks it's okay to cry and crap. hell, WTF are you trying to pull when you drag it on to a month or two. the mention of th e name and you burst out in tears. i sit there and roll my eyes. i no longer lend my shoulder for you to cry on.
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plans for tomorrow.
ACF. dance competition. keish's party.
i shall be out for the entire day tomorrow. somewhat like that. toldya i'm a busy person. hahaha...
ok...my birthday.
guess i'm celebrating it on the 16th of Novembaaa
sitting at home. alone in front of the computer. lawls. yeah. riteeeeee....
let's play with some water. a lot of water. get all drenched. run into the air conditioning. catch a cold. wakakakaka.
um...then we stay up. i dont know what we're gonna do. but we'll stay up. unless you people want to sleep.
then...we...um...might just go bowling. though i suck. we open that flappy thingy so there's no long kang. hahahaha...then all you have to do is roll the damn ball. hows that.
i forgot to ask you people...what time you'll be going home...lawls...die la die la...xD
owh well...anything's fine...it's just an ordinary birthday party
nothing special about it....
everything's normal...
just the way i like it...
13 November 2008
i have nothing to nowadays
sitting at home
either i'd be playing burnout craching cars
beating up people playin the punisher
of sleeping
sitting in front of the computer is a sure thing as well
sitting at home
either i'd be playing burnout craching cars
beating up people playin the punisher
of sleeping
sitting in front of the computer is a sure thing as well
big whoop that my birthday's coming
and i hardly seem to care...
i am not really bothered
lawls...what a joy...
i spent my morning
freezing to death for no apparent reason
yeah...no apparent reason
i am not sick
i had chipsmore and 2 cans of coke
then my mum came back with lunch
i feel like there's nothing to do now
i sit here and i wait for the computer to load
wait for the internet to connect
wait for msn to sign me in
wait for google to load
wait for blogs to show up on my screen
reads everyone's blogs
after that limewire doesn't want to connect
and i have to wait again
i run upstairs and lie on my bed
turn on my player on my phone
cuz my mp3 hasn't been charged in months
and my radio sucks
today's thrusday
i have dance class...
boy boy...=.='''
competition la dun play play
make a fool out of urself den you know
haih...
i was looking forward to this for the past few days
n now somehow i got no mood to go...
shit...
twinkle twinkle little star
yes sir yes sir three bags full
q r s t u v
10 November 2008
===========================================================================
this is what happens when you put two mirrors slanting at different angles and me...xD
=============================================================================
i feel so nostalgic right now
just finished the school album for the musical
and damn
i really do miss the hours of practises and days after days for stay back
my legs and fingers are crampped
tomorrow i have 4 periods of sejarah
what a drag
well i spent my day in class singing
lawls...together
the whole bunch of us
xD
sing sing sing non stop
disturbing the peace
spoiling the song
lawls...
now my abdominal muscles hurt...lawls...
i seriously have communication problems with my mother
i seriously cannot have a proper conversation with her
but it's normal
if it's such a hastle better i dont celebrate my birthday
save all the trouble
save all the talking
save all my energy
save all my brain power to think before i speak
what's there to blog about
good luck for those sitting for SPM
im sitting for it next year...xD
joyyy....
09 November 2008
Mimi....
nahh your chords...
easier for you to play Em Am G D
than C G F Am Bm
so i tweaked it a bit...so it doesn sound like de song...heh
Love Story , Taylor Swift
Em Am
We were both young when i first saw you
G D
I close my eyes and the flash back starts
Am G
I'm standing there on a balcony of summer air
Em Am
See the lights, see the party the ball gowns
G D
I see you make your way through the crowd
Am G
And say hello, little did i know
Em G
That you were Romeo you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And i was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go
and i said[no chords]
D G
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
Em Am
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
D G
You'll be the prince and i'll be the princess
Em Am
It's a love story baby just say yes
Mimi...just follow up the rest of it...
the chords are the same...
i screwed up a bit...lawls...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
today i woke up. wishing i hadn't. wishing i didn't have to. the sunlight through the curtains. my messed up books from the countless nights studying in the past few weeks for the exams that are now over. i slide open my phone, looked at the time. 7.33 a.m.. guess my alarm didn't wake me up again.
i drag myself out of bed. brushed my teeth. ran water through my face and got dressed. i looked at myself, who am i trying to kid, putting on a fake smile like this. don't blame me. i am trying to hide what i'm feeling. i don't want to ruin your day. i off all the lights, turned the knob and pulled open the door. walk down the flights of stairs, watching my feet, left, right, left, right.
i stare out the window. thinking of what am i gonna do today. how life is wasted on people like me. i dont deserve to live. indecisive on whether to peel off that piece of scab or not. i know it leaves a scar if i do. but it bothers me. my phone rings but i dont answer. it rings again. and again. and again. i turned it off, so no one could reach me. no one can find me.
i like the shadows i put myself in.
i like the darkness.
i like the emptiness i put myself in.
nahh your chords...
easier for you to play Em Am G D
than C G F Am Bm
so i tweaked it a bit...so it doesn sound like de song...heh
Love Story , Taylor Swift
Em Am
We were both young when i first saw you
G D
I close my eyes and the flash back starts
Am G
I'm standing there on a balcony of summer air
Em Am
See the lights, see the party the ball gowns
G D
I see you make your way through the crowd
Am G
And say hello, little did i know
Em G
That you were Romeo you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And i was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go
and i said[no chords]
D G
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
Em Am
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
D G
You'll be the prince and i'll be the princess
Em Am
It's a love story baby just say yes
Mimi...just follow up the rest of it...
the chords are the same...
i screwed up a bit...lawls...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
today i woke up. wishing i hadn't. wishing i didn't have to. the sunlight through the curtains. my messed up books from the countless nights studying in the past few weeks for the exams that are now over. i slide open my phone, looked at the time. 7.33 a.m.. guess my alarm didn't wake me up again.
i drag myself out of bed. brushed my teeth. ran water through my face and got dressed. i looked at myself, who am i trying to kid, putting on a fake smile like this. don't blame me. i am trying to hide what i'm feeling. i don't want to ruin your day. i off all the lights, turned the knob and pulled open the door. walk down the flights of stairs, watching my feet, left, right, left, right.
i stare out the window. thinking of what am i gonna do today. how life is wasted on people like me. i dont deserve to live. indecisive on whether to peel off that piece of scab or not. i know it leaves a scar if i do. but it bothers me. my phone rings but i dont answer. it rings again. and again. and again. i turned it off, so no one could reach me. no one can find me.
i like the shadows i put myself in.
i like the darkness.
i like the emptiness i put myself in.
07 November 2008
FOUR SCIENCE THREE
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL TRYING TO DO
THE PICTURE IS SELF EXPLAINATORY
WHOEVER'S IDEA THIS IS
I DONT CARE
IT'S THE WHOLE FOUR SCIENCE THREE IN IT
AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL DOING
THAT
IS FOUR SCIENCE ONE'S COPYRIGHTED FEELING
YOU PEOPLE GOT NO LIFE ISSIT
NO BRAIN ISSIT
CANNOT THINK AND CREATE THINGS FOR YOUR OWN AR
YEAH HALF THE TEACHER'S HATE OUR CLASS
INCLUDING HER IN THE PICTURE
SO WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS THAT BYOTCH DOING
OUR FEELING
I DONT CARE IF WHICHEVER IDIOT READS THIS
AND TELLS THE WHOLE FUCKING SCHOOL ABOUT WHAT I SAID
IT'S MY FREEDOM OF SPEECH RIGHT HERE
YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF DOWN RIGHT IDIOTS
HELL MAYBE MOST OF YOU MIGHT TERASA READING THIS
BUT I REALL HATE IT WHEN YOU PEOPLE DO THIS
DONT GET ME WRONG I EVEN SCREAM WHEN MY FUCKING SISTER FUCKING COPIES ME
EXPLAIN TO ME FOUR SCIENCE THREE
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE TRYING TO PULL
MAKE THIS CLEAR
THIS IS THE FIRST AND LAST TIME YOU PEOPLE ARE PULLING SOMETHING LIKE THIS OFF
THIS IS THE LAST FUCKING STRAW
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
stupid stupid stupid
you people are a bunch of bitches with no fucking life than you all just want to cpoy what we have and try to make the bond that we have somewhat yours as well and you guys fail terribly at it. screw you all man. i'll take a fork poke out all your eye balls. take a spoon dig out the other. chop off all your fingers one by one watch you scream in pain. then i'll twist your feet 360degress watch you scream more in pain. then i'll let your dangling leg dangle in the air where gravity pulls them down. drip drip drip goes your blood. but thats not where it ends. though youre barely alive. i take a whip and slash your skin bare. skin you alive and give you a little dash of salt all over. yeah it stings doesnt it. good. watch the salt burn into your skin. owh wait. you dont have skin anymore.
bunch of no brainers
i'll keep your skin for you, since you guys dont know how to do it yourself. you bunch of no life losers. trying to be people with life like us...you people try too hard only to fail. i'll send you to hell where you'd burn without any skin and your eyeballs i'd throw in your soup and tell you it's fishball. you'd eat up your eyeballs and not even know it. you'll be in hell where you'll be thorn limb from limb. slowly. you hear you joins break. your muscles go over their limits. then your capilarries start to burst. blood squrts out life sprinklers on the lawn. except they cant be turned off. you cant see but you feel the pain. imagine if you could see. then end goes your life. you neck has been deeply slit. after i cut off your ears so you cant hear. you cant see you cant hear. conclusion you cant copy. you have no fingers to do feeling, kanjima, or semangat. but that doesnt matter. you're dead already.[if its too small copy and past in word]
THIS IS FOUR SCIENCE ONE
CREATOR OF
SEMANGAT
FEELING
KUNDEJEM
KANJIMA
COPYRIGHTED BY KAMPUNG SEMANGAT
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About Me
- Scribbles
- I am an artist, photographer, skater(freestyle slalom & slide) and cosplayer.
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