24 May 2011

** Two Hundred and Forty Six **

[looking at the number of posts ive made this year. pft. pathetic]


ive been really easily agitated these past few days. actually its SUPER EXTREMELY EASILY agitated. probably because of recent events that kinda got out of hand to a certain extent.

i know very well that i am a nice person (not to brag). but these past few days showed me that not everyone deserve to be nice to. fine by me if you like me and stuff. i dont mind. i dont shun you aside and think its weird talking to a person that likes me. i dont like doing what i did few days back but i had to do what i had to do. blame my mood swings and whatever shit. but i am still irritated til today. (talk about keeping grudges)

maybe its because im currently having my exams. i tend to get cranky when im having exams. all that frustration and studying. and the constant guilty conscience bugging from the back of my mind everytime i get distracted and do something else.

maybe im jus in a lot of stress right now.

i deleted blocked and unfriended two people who i took as friends.

call me immature for my reasons of doing so. i did what i had to do.

i went to C2AGE last saturday and had loads of fun (seriously). as all the picture tags show i was cosplaying noel vermillion. im fine with people asking to take my photo. i'll smile and pose and let them take. no harm done. all in a days work for a cosplayer. i just realized i asked Kaze for a shoot but i forgot (ahhh sorry). under the circumstances the character did get a handful of attention (partially cuz of the bearback and short skirt...and some genuine blazblue fans).

maybe most boys are born stupid and clueless. i dont mean to discriminate against him but he is more of a spectator in the cosplay community. and asking me for a photoshoot on that day?! i was too nice to slap him in the face with a straight NO. i told him i was busy and came up with excuses. and figures. being a stupid boy he doesn get the message. and he bugs me for the entire day. on and off asking me if im free now. and yes i got fucking annoyed by it. its like when you're trying to sleep and every 5seconds a mosquito flies near your ear. i dont know what his intensions were wanting to have a photoshoot on that day. but judging for my costume. i pick my photographers wisely.

so a supposedly happy ending to my day at C2AGE turned out me going home frustrated as ever. and yes. for bugging me and not understanding that no means no. i blocked deleted and unfriended him. kthxbye.

and then alex was being a nice guy trying to explain on behalf of him.

even if you did apologize. i am a girl and i have myself to protect. you showed a side of you that would distort that safety. and so i dont plan to come near you ever.


fine by me. that probably started the fire.

i was gonna study on sunday but my arms hurt from trying to get the band out on saturday. and yes my body still aches like hell. so i decided to study later that night.

then monday came and i sat for my paper and came home. i screwed my paper. so yeah. practically in the downers already when i got home. and i came online. chatted with a couple of people. then it got ugly when he said "please..im not your toy..."

i am highly aware you like me. and how did i ever toy with you. even if you say you do know what being toyed is i dont think you have the concept right. i have never toyed with anyone's feelings because of the fact that i know how much it hurts. im not some insensitive person to go and fool around with other people when i already have mine. i made it clear that i belong to someone else.

if i was toying with you i would just let you be my boyfriend. let you think you have me when in actual fact im not. use you etc. and come one day and tell you i was just fooling around.

its a fucking inhumane thing to do.

so i got pissed. very pissed. with the stupidity of the boys that surround me.

i remember you telling me to ignore you.

with pleasure, i did. kthxbye.

and i do recall telling you. if someone irritates the shit out of me. i will fucking hate that person for life.

i am still quite annoyed today. for some reason.

maybe the feelings kinda carry forwards and stuff.


on the side note. i spent my morning watching a documentary on Jack the Ripper. kinda grew fond of him/her for some reason. and its been more than 100years since it happened and people are still argueing about his/her identity. the mystique of the whole identity of the killer makes the story all the more fun.

but after watching the documentary. i wonder why Jack stopped killing after his fifth victim. and i noticed he drew a circle around east london. (not relevant really jus something i spotted when they showed the places where the bodies were found).

believe it or not. i can use Jack the Ripper for GP under media. >D

time for P6 maths.


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