04 September 2008

** Fifty Eight point Five **

im getting real sick and real tired of the same old line everytime someone walks up to me. "Oh sorry i though you were Michelle." and "Eh? Where's Michelle ar?" and occasionally sometimes everytime "You like Michelle. Draw. Draw. Draw."
if i want to be like Michelle i'd change my name to Clone13 aka Michelle Lim. or whatever loser name you people can come up with. and i have people come up to me asking me the stupidest thing ever. "You and Michelle couple ar. Everytime see you two together wan." HELLLLOOOO PEOPLE. has it ever occur to you that there are such things as friends?? and over and over again i have to say "NO" to something that doesn't even make any sense to me. why in the world do i want to "couple" with Michelle in the first place?? second of all, i'm not a lesbian. i don't see the point of all this really. i just realized today how many people actually said that to me. here's a fact. i am not Michelle. i don't want to be her. i am RachelKongYeeRou. and somehow i hate it how the world that revolves around me seem to be revolving and colliding wit someone elses. some mistaken confused identity i'm going through. i'm not her. i'm ME.

Another thing i hate alot is how people tend to bother me when i don't want to be bothered. How they tend to say things i never wanted to hear and wished i didn't. How they tend to blurt out nonsense. How they all tend to waste my time. No i'm not emo-ing at de moment. Seriously there are not many of those moments that i want to talk bout. Somethings are better unsaid. I find myself feeling like the younger sibling although i'm the oldest. I find myself wondering. I find myself feeling slightly stupid. Not that i'm not. I feel so very stupid actually. Watching everyone around me doing something with their life. Having something to make life worth living for. And WTF have i got to make my life worth while?! Mun-Mun has her cosplay. Esther has her dance and cheer. Michelle has her art. Joshua has his music. Technically. I don't really have anything to live for and even if i die tonight. It wouldn matter much. I like to hitch in and help. Cut the mounting board. Cut the printings. Buy the stuff. Run out of glue. Spend sleepless night cutting and pasting. Taping the pin. Passing badges out. Designing badges. And other stupid things i'd do for all my friends. I like to help. But somehow i find people not seeing what i'm actually capable of doing. Yeah. I'm a quiet fella. Sometimes. I don't do much. But when i'm given something to do i complete it no matter what. Well. That excludes homework. And sometimes efforts get flushed down the drain. I'm getting sick of spending hours sitting down. Thinking of a design. And when i'm done at least there's a word of thank you. But. How dare you use my designs and when people give praise and you go and say "Of course la...who do one...*points at self*" in front of me. And you dare do that!! That's when i feel really pissed but because ur my friend i do not say anything. It's when i look away breath and calm down. Really. How self-obsessed are you?! To take credit for something you didn't even do. For something you didn't spend hours staring at a blank piece of paper. When you didn't even crack your brain to get it out. Do you really find pride in talking credit for something you didn't do!? Personally i feel used. Unappreciated. It's not really a matter of whether i get de credit or not actually. It jus bugs me that people thing you're the one that's oh so creative and oh so great in designing. It bugs me!!!


i'm so sick of everything right now

so hot
yet so cold

i cant faint
the way i did before
dont turn your back on me
i wont be ignored

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