23 May 2010

** Hundred and Ninety Four **

my first week in TARCollege.

it was bearable i guess. so i'm doing Cambridge A Levels there. Subject combination of Chemistry, Further Maths, Maths and Physics. and i have General Paper which i can drop after sem2. and Malaysian Studies which i HAVE to pass in sem1. nice.

when i first came to TARC i was pretty unhappy. i mean. dont get me wrong. TARC is FILLED with chinese people. but unfortunately the majority do not speak my language. yea. they all speak mandrin. which kinda sucks for me. cuz i speak english. and my mandrin isnt all that good either.

first. how did i end up in TARC.

my parents were bugging me about choosing a college. first of all i already had my mind set that i wanted to do animation. and i already told my parents that. but somehow i had this sinking feeling they didn like the idea of it. they kept asking me to be an actuarist since i like maths.

so my aim at that point. was to get into RCKL or TOA at least. and when my parents asked about the course and everything i'd inform them. but they never seem that interested in it.

so it was then my dad came and ask me what i wanted to do and where i wanted to go. and i told. my dad kept pushing the idea of me doing my A levels. at some point i did argue and said it was a waste of time since i already set what i wanted to do. and all of a sudden my parents are looking for colleges offering CAL.

so. fine. my parents pushed me into the fact that i'm doomed to do my A levels whether i liked it or not. since they didn supported the fact that i wanted to start my course. my dad said i was stupid for wanting to start my course so early. according to him i should "relax" for another 1.5 years. and he goes on gloating about how he finished his A Levels in 9months. bla bla bla...

CAL is far from RELAX.

somehow i get the feeling my parents dont want me to do animation.

hoping that within this 1.5years i'd change my mind.

they tell me this is my future so i have to make the decision. but everytime i make one they go with their own decisions. so whats the point of me making all those decisions if they're not gonna take them anyway...

so i was destined to do A levels. the only question was where. and i picked TAYLORS. and i told my parents i want to go to taylors. and after all that debate. they decided to dump me to TARC. with reasons that my cousins are the product of TARC and they turned out ok. i practically gave up trying to get my way with my parents.

so TARC it is.

and when i came to TARC, i was none other that depressed with my current situation. cuz to me, i was wasting my time doing my A Levels while every other budding animator is out there doing their course. doing my A Levels was like living another 1.5years of a much harder SPM. my dad sent me to TARC saying it was cheap and nearer to our place. i dont give a damn what other reasons they wanna give me for why they sent me to TARC.

i dont.

i basically hated every minute of my life when i'm at TARC. cuz i never wanted to be here in the first place. but here i am. stuck here for another 1.5years. i'm wasting my time but i still have to do this because my parents made me.

i wanted to go to TOA. i planned to go there ever since before SPM ended.

and now. here i am. sitting by my table. sketch books replaced with tutorial books. pencils replaced with pens for writing. guide books replaced with notes for my subjects. watercolours stacked back in the shelves. brushed cleaned and shoved back into the container. art blocks kept back on the shelves.

things look like SPM all over again.

i lost count of the people who gave me the same expression when i told them i'm at TARC. honestly i dont know why i am in TARC. the only reason i can give you is that my parents made me.

so. i'm in class SN11p. a class with only 4GIRLS including me.

i start my second week in TARC tomorrow.

i guess there's nothing else to do but to grin and bear with it.

but it's not like going to TOA after my A Levels makes my A Levels any worth the time when i can go to TOA NOW.


i'm tired of doing things i dont want to do just because someone asks me to.


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