** Fifty Six **

spent my afternoon in tuition
after school
so very tired
our M&M's performance + ChoralSpeakin + Inter-racial Love Dance
for the MERDEKA celebration went well
and went crazy singing national songs
including the NEGARAKU
wow right?!?!
i'm sorry i had to turn down all outings
for the countdown
to be honest i have never went to a single countdown in my life
and i do want to go
but i'm gonna be stuck in JOHOR for the rest of the weekends
yeah
with my relatives
and i havent packed
gosh would it kill to have at least one cousin my age that clicks with me
everytime i go there
they all start speaking some alien language [mandrin+hokkien]
i dont understand
heck!! if they spoke japanese i still could understand a bit
so i practically hate my cousins
and they hate me too
haih
but it's good to go back and visit my uncle and aunt
owh and get some nagging about wearing all black
from my "awesome" grandmother
which reminds me...
i better pack non-black clothes
ahahaha...GREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

you know...when you see me with scratches on my knees
my computer table attacked me
everytime i move my leg
*scratch*
i got 3 ade
curse you computer table!!!!!

owh almost forgot...
Josh and Apple ur designs...
i simply did la..got red and black there
you two choose urself la
dont care you all ade la

and someone please comfirm with me the date for the competition
and the practise's date and times
xD
later i cannot go den die!!!!
either that or u all teach me before i leave...xD

owh i'll be leaving tommorrow after jap class
haih...
gosh...
*charges mp3*
ok...
i need it to survive through all the cousins
and aunts and uncles

***********************************

of i changed my skin
i panicked when i pasted the code
and everything went wrong
i was like
OMG OMG WTF WTF OMG WTF WTFOMG
and then i just dunno do what
steal abit from this one
steal a bit from that one
and OKAY ADE!!!
fact is i dont know what went wrong
kept edditing
and there was no difference
so i just stole
if i knew what was wrong i would've corrected it
but i dont!!!

ahh my cbox...
i'll do later spammers...^^
you people be patient...x3

ahhhhh...

i'll bring my ORANGE STRIPED SHIRT!!!!!
since my green one is wet...xD

** Fifty Five **

ahhh...perfects...where do i start...
half the student body H A T E S them...
and i'm no different...
practically no one takes pride in getting offence slips...
but that's where i come weird...
cuz i do take pride in getting them...xD
there's something very stupid about prefects
i'll get to that later...
one's pink and one's yellow...
there's something funny about it...
go ahead spot the difference...



i just noticed it T O D A Y
some most prefects really have NO BRAINS
i mean...you make me wear a name tag for a reason...
i excuse normal typos of my name...
example:-
kong yi ru
kong yee ru
kong yii rou

at least they still sound somewhat close to my real name
i'm not that particular with it
but up to the extent of changing my SURNAME is just
DOWNRIGHT STUPID
dont know how to spell come check my name tag laa...
no brains...
and most of them just blindly follow the rules...
helloo...my hair is short...i know
and i already took the effort to tie two
so there's still abit of short ones falling out
that one oso she ask me to pin?!?!?!?!
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!

****************************************

teachers...
where do i begin...
yeah they teach us and fill our brains to the brim
with formulas & words & facts & stuff
just for us to score a's
and where does all this glory go to?!?
the teachers
hahaha...not really
it goes to the countless hours we spend at tuition
concentrating
for some reason the teachers in school think
they're the best there is
and that if we want to pass our exams
all we have to do is
finish their work
pay attention in class
shut up when they're explaining
seriously. thats pure BULLSHIT

there are students who "bodek" teachers
and they think that way...they'll
remain in the teacher's good books
well...there's a whole different story in the teacher's room
you may help out so much
and be all miss goody crap shit
and you know what she'll say about you?!??
she'll say you're some dog
that kisses her feet 24 7

as how students gossip [bout teachers & students]
teachers do the same thing...

but sometimes things really get out of hand
and teachers go all out to destroy one's dignity
fact is i NEVER liked teacher's daughters in the school [not u mich]
they think they can get it all just because their mum works here
owh...little girl...cant stand on her own two feet
needs...mommy's hand to get through school
GROW UP FREAK!!!!!
you have to realize...that when you mess with one of us
you mess with all of us
and all of us CANT WAIT for you to leave
no use trying to win us over
with your pathetic desprate act of yours
you're an alien
an outsider
and thats all you'll ever be to us
stupid teacher's twisting tales as they like
oneside say "owh i didnt know"
the other side say "i told her to tell you all"
WTF are you taking us for???
some stupid dumbasses you can lie to??
IDIOT
at first we dealt with your lameness
but now it's just gone overboard
you need to walk the plank
sleep with the fishes
why do you complaint about unfinish work
and yet
when she wants to get the book to finish that work
you dont want to give
then how you want her to do
FREak....
so it kinda sucks in a way

how sometimes
people we trusts turn out like idiots
gosh..
i wonder why do i even bother...

** Fifty Four **

i really dont know what to say anymore...
really i dont...

1.00am
H: hey rach....

R:what...sleeping la

H:still angry eh?!

R:you think?!

H:sorry lohhhhhhhh

R:sorry no cure...idiot

H:why so cold to me now....

R:cannot la....my wish la

H:dont liddat la...i screw up one time nia....

R:what one time?!?! before that you did once too...and i forgave you for that
and if you're going to go around being a friend in the begining to my friends and
suddenly treat them like trash............

H:hello....she was getting on my nerves...and so was HE

R:*silence*

H:why you have to...so.....

R:whats your problem...he's just my friend la...friend oso cannot meh?!

H:friends oso dont until...

R:whats your freakin problem la!!!! what you want me to do...
no mix with any of my other friends that arent girls la?!?!?!
is that what you want me to do?!?!
well...then....
sorry mister....

H:no no....dont get angry rach...

R:fine i dont get angry...

H:but you are still angry...

R:whats your point...

H:*sighs* rach....why...you...

R:why me what?!?!

H: i thought u....

R:you better speak in full sentences can or not?!?
its not like i can complete your sentences!!!

H:*sigh*

R:Look....

H:im listening...

R:dont try to deny it...there's a distance between us now...

H:yeah...but...

R:shut up...let me talk....

R:tell me something...the you that i bunked with during the camp...
is no longer here...and i really dont understand why you changed...

H:you wanna know why?!?!?
it cuz...knowing you made me realize how immature and stupid i've been

R:you calling me stupid and immature now?!?!

H:no...no...not like that...no i didnt mean that...i mean ME...
no...you isten to me....

R:no,H,no....YOU listen to ME....

H:this is silly rach...can we not do this?!

R:you are the one that called...

H:i called to make up not break up....

R:too bad for you then....

i hung up...
didnt want to hear anymore...

even taking it a bit a day
isnt gonna make anything better

its like lighting a match...
you start a fire...
burning the end of it...
giving you light...
without knnowing how much pain the match is in...

i'll be the match...

i feel a certain part of me that wants to just kill myself for all i know.
it's like...
why the hell does my life has to be so freaking complicated?!
why the hell do i have to go through all this crap?!
man...it's not like i really need it...





yeah my relatives say

ITS JUST A PHASE

what's the problem with the world when i dont talk
i just did you people a favour of making the world a more quieter place
nothing wrong with that?!?!



my mum expects me to be miss owh-so-perfection barbie of a doll
and she comes up with all kinds of

WAYS n MEANS

to change that simple fact



is it really that hard...
to accept me for who i am?!?!

gosh...school.....
i go through school today
bare able to walk...
im not gonna complain about the pain...
it's normal...
it's just one of those chapters in life
where one day seems to take forever to finish
i feel as if i've spent my whole day
just plain walking...
which...hurts...
well...tomorrow taekwondo...
lets just see how i make through that....xD

** Fifty Three **

im in so much P A I N
just came back from my competition
BTFC closed championship
and i got through the first round just fine
i faught with Addina
and won
then through out the whole waiting event
my heart started pounding
started getting nervous
[[i am in no position to type much]]

long story short
the battle for gold was pretty stupid
well...cuz i was the stupid one...
Joanne Lim Bee Hoon
lawls...she's blue belt
yeah...and i lost to her
well truth is...its not matter of got face or no face
she really beat me up pretty good
i twisted both my wrists today
and probably both my ankles too
and both my feet has bruises...FEET
and my tighs hurt on both sides
and i have a bruise on my knee
i couldnt feel my arm
i fought a hard but hopeless battle
half way through
i couldnt even hold up my right arm properly anymore
it was vibrating like hell
and that stupid st.john there
can ask me where somemore
i can take pain
but it was up a level even i couldn't take it anymore
my right arm swollen and unable to move
it was red like real red...and i seriously couldnt move it
and right now
just a little bit of pressure makes it burn
well....
at least she was nice enough to offer to help after that
and she became my buddeh!!!!!! xD
well...no wonder she's so good
she trains 3 times a week
and i only do 1 time a week
the age factor doesnt really bother me
and i dont think it really matters
she's a real nice girl...^^

and right now

i cant walk
i cant write
i cant hold my chopsticks
i cant run
i cant jump
i cant type
basically i cant do anything that requires my wrists
so yeah
i won silver
better than nothing i say




and for the first time in my life
the pain was incredibly indescribable

** Fifty Two **

my mum has to understand the meaning of personal space.
pleaseee laaaaa...
can you not see i am doing something
like really focused and into it
how can you just walts in and nag at me
"girl clean your room"
"girl take ur clothes up"
"girl sweep ur floor"
"girl keep ur room tidy"
"girl go take ur bath"
"girl go to sleep"
WTF
i might still act like a kid
but i certainly have a BRAIN to think
i will do the above later...
and when i tell you i'll do it later
"later later later!! your later like forever liddat
never come wan!!!"

maybe you dont understand how fragile my ideas are

they dont come like air you know

especially the real good ones

they're like rain the the drought

and you...nicely shoo-ing the rain away

and do you not understand that i want to be left alone?!
why cant you get it?!

do i really need to tell you directly

"MUM GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!!!"

i dont think she wants to hear that

neither do i want to say it

has no brains or something...trying to be friendly at the wrong time

i answer in frustrated tones

should do good to get the message across that i do not want you around

pestering me

*draws a big circle in the air*

This...

is my personal space

intrude if you must

fark!!!!!

my sister another one

people depressed...in the room

sitting there listening to linkin park

the stupid girl comes in and starts making a hell of a noise

llike as if i'm not there...

WTF MAN

do i really need to put a "do not disturb" sign on my door?!?!

personally i do not think that's necessary

cuz nobody likes me when im pissed off

and its even worst when i crack

oh...rest assured i dont crack often

but when i do

the world might just end...

i dispise people reading over my shoulders

and its even more irrtating when you're drawing and

your sister looks from behind your shoulder

fact is i dont want her to see what i draw

cuz imediately she goes into a mind block

and draws the exact same thing

which is not good if she wants to improve

[gosh...wtf is wrong with me?!?!]

then again

she comes and messed up my room and

i have to clean it

WTF right?!?!?

do you not understand the meaning of personal space

do you have to make me shout so you'd go away

do you want me to scream just to get the message across

do you?!

** Fifty One **

damn my keyboard! i desprately need a new one, i cant be pasting my a's everytime i wanna post or type something.

i have this feeling...
deep inside of me...
that i cant explain...
OK
*runs to the fridge*
i'm hungry...xD [lame rachel lame]

first of all...

sorry Josh bout ur blog...><

Josh is dying to blog...xD

i know i promised you like days ago

but i have no time to do so

rest assured i'll get it done asap ^^

dont worry...

you will blog...xD

i'll do ur blog today...=3

darn its the holidays and im up so early...
well...its not like i have time to post at night
ok...
practises at my place for the KUNDEJEMS
Thursday = 9am
Sunday = 7pm
u either eat ur dinner before you come or after
we have not much time to spare
so no dinner...xD
we only have 2 days together
hopefully we'll get the things covered
with the amount of crapation thats bound to happen
darn
if half the class shows up only
[which i hope not]
whats the use....
*hides food*
no eating....practise...
*hides potato chips*
*hides biscuits*
*hides M&Ms*
*hides crackers*
muahahahaha....

some people just dont do well in school

their talent lies somewhere else

so why does the world assume

drop outs are hooligans

drop outs are stupid

drop outs are useless

drop outs are disrespectful

whats wrong with the world is that

they cannot accept people for who they are

heck...

if your kid doesn't like talking

let her be

if your kid talks too much

let her talk

if your kid speaks loudly

doesn't mean she's angry

if your kid sits in front of the comp everyday

doesn't mean she doesn do her homework

then again...

what parents would understand

damn man....

everything's considered emo now

wear all black = EMO

all dark sinister atmosphere = EMO

slitting wrist = EMO

slouching when u walk = EMO

dragging ur feet = EMO

"i dont care" attitude = EMO

seriously....majority of the people in the world assume

"...owh black...EMO"

"...owh slitting...EMO"

thecnically...emos have become an endangered species

TRUE emos...i mean

not those fake ones

you see trying to be emo [n failing]

those "lala" freaks especially

they just think it's "cute" to be emo

and to them being emo is just to get the "attention"

screw you "lala"

ahhhh...

the polution of the EMO community...

getting more and more frustrated

half the people i know tell me i should forgive

the other half tells me i shouldnt n just end it

so tell me now....

WTF am i gonna do about it...

dont give me "follow ur heart" bullshit all...

somehow...

i cant tolerate this any longer

believe me...

i can wear luminous yellow...

and still be emo...

there's no Black in EMO

** Fifty **

*sigh*

who am i gonna blame

for my stupidity

for my immaturity

for my childishness

for my randomness

for my uncreativeness

who am i gonna blame

for my mistakes

for my lies

for my screw ups

NO ONE

oh the irony of my life

went to mamak stall with tuition buddies

order order order

"ok i want hot tea"

"i want cold one"

and the freaking waiter went

"i repeat the orders..."

bla bla bla

"two hot tea..."

"one no ice, one got ice."

L A M E

ah...my life...

so lame..

it's raining and i cant go out

or do anything

stuck at home for the rest of the holidays

wow...

that sucks

want to go out oso have to beg like hell

better no need la

go out have to think of what to wear la

think of what to bring la

crap la my life

something really bugs me. and im sure it bugs everyone else. imagine you're in a very extremely long line. waiting patiently. and when it's close to your turn. some fat byotch comes and just slot herself in front of you. then when her friend tell her there's someone lining up. "dont care la...we late for movie ade..." WTF man...you late your problem la. why didnt come earlier. common sense la. the line for popcorn and coke will be long. and that fat slut can look at me and smile summor. F U C K Y O U. feel like slapping that flabby face of hers. then worst comes to worst. she say late ade hor? stand there dunno what to order. really...i boiling ade behind her, got steam ade.

cut line

stand there like one stupid

dunno what to order

dunno dont cut line first la

damn it

people line up waiting for 45 minutes. and you nicely cut line. waste time. then that lump of fat took another 5minutes. Just to decide to get herself a packet of mentos. WTF. then that guy told her no more. dont understand english issit??? NO MORE. TAK ADA. MEI YOU. she still stand there. keep asking and asking. idiots la some of the malaysians here. fine...so she wasted 5minutes of my time. n not order anything. damnnnnn... if i didn't love my shoe...it'd go to her flabby ass ade. pissed off like hell that day.

*************************

now for the present...^^

oO...rain stop ade and i still havent finished

blog skin blog skin

taekwondo taekwondo

train train

run run

sit ups sit ups

kick kick

push ups push ups

skipping skipping

practise music practise

play xBox play

eat eat

no more coke no more

birthdays

draw draw

add math add math

tv tv

computer computer

internet internet

that's about it

what i plan to do in the holidays

owh...

i forgot...

my assignments

-moral powerpoint

-sketch

-choral speaking

-t-shirt design

-merdeka crap

-bio notes

-sejarah notes

-4sc1's family diagram

*sigh*

so much for my holidays