** Hundred and Ninety Nine **

kinda weird how things turn out sometimes. one thing i realized is how sometimes life doesn't go my way. and yes there is the point of time where the rants go on and on. but after awhile. it makes sense how ranting bout it wont make anything better. its not like ranting about it changes anything. so yeah. i go through the same thing i go through at school. watch people be better than me and know that it cant be helped that my brain doesnt function like theirs. i do try. but somehow nothing works. they still get better grades. and no doubt some part of me feels terrible. wondering why am i such a stupid piece of carbon life form in the face of this earth. and sometimes i feel left behind. yeah. through all that happiness i display everyday. honestly. i lied. being happy is not close to how i feel. but it's better to fake it than to sulk all day.

at least it gives a contemporary lightness the burden life throws on my shoulder.



almost 1month plus in college and i guess things do seem further away than they used to. the years i spent in school made me realize i am no genius. and atempting to compete would result in depression suicide. i dont see the crime of dreaming big. but sometimes i tell people i'm gonna work for dreamworks one day, they say the regular response. but somewhere in there, i know they're laughing at me. i have no idea how many times have i said to myself that i have to start studying and working hard during my SPM. and now im doing it again. its kinda retarded really. i keep reminding myself if i dont do well i'm gonna be disappointed. nothing seems to work. and its prominent i dont have any self control at all. though i have my priorities straight most of the time.

the road is straight ahead. but im walking as if it is a winding one.



college starts again tomorrow. and as usual i havent done any of my tutorials. i probably will later. maybe on wednesday or something. like last week. LOL. somehow i prefer it when i had no choice but to do my homework during high school. now when i sorta have a choice whether to do or not. obviously i'd always find something more interesting to do with my life than tutorials that would practically result in an utter waste of time. the week ends passed by so quickly this week. damn. two days felt like half a day. i woke up today and i was like "WHAT?! ITS SUNDAY ALREADY?!" or maybe its cuz im still in the holiday mood. hahaha.

one more thing to add to my time wasting factor. i'm having my exams in 1week time. i think. more or less. and i haven't started a single shit on anything. which would probably result in more last minute studying. wow. im typing very quickly. probably cuz i havent taken my shower and i need to take it after i finish this post.

so here's that famous qoute from a long time ago.

IT'S TIME TO STUDY RACHEL.