** Two Hundred and Fourteen **

It been a while since i showed you guys the world through my lens.

Enjoy~

























these photos are strictly taken by me.
if you were to use them.
please. have the curtesy to inform me or ask my permission.

toddles~
Rach

** Two Hundred and Thirteen **

watching it from the big screen as your favourite actor and actress kiss. watch how they hold hands as the sunset by the beach makes everything dream like. watch them fall asleep in each other's arms.

but its all different.

when it is your hand being held. when it is your lips being kissed. when it is that one person that makes even the shittiest day the best day ever. when it is that one person that keeps you smiling ear to ear. when it is that one person that you know is worth all the pain you're going through. being with that one person feels like heaven on earth.

but its all different.

when you find yourself thorn between two sides of the story. when you twist and turn at night in bed thinking it through. when it becomes the main reason you cant sleep at night. when nightmare becomes reality and there's nothing you can do about it. when there's no u-turns. no rewinds. no undo. no ctrl+z.

but its all different.

because to you no matter how much it stings thinking about it over and over again, to you it is worth every bit of pain you go through. you sit behind the wheel. hoping to ram your car so hard into something you die instantly. you hope every night when you close your eyes, you never have to open them to see sunrise again. to a point where you're alive but somehow you feel empty. like going through the pointless motions of the day just the fall asleep hoping to never see tomorrow.

but its all different.

when life becomes so much better with that one person. when everything feels as if it could never be better. even if its just the two of you with the awkward silence in between. its the best feeling in the world. where you go through the day just because at the end of the day that one person's there. to make evrything worth while all over again.

honestly.

when i met you.

i never knew you would mean so much to me.

and now.

it seems like the world wants to take you away from me.

そばにいてほしいよ。

** Two HUndred and Twelve **

Friday the Thirteenth.

nothing much happened today. except for during chemistry practical. OMG. seriously. when you start college, chemistry is so much more fun. (if you excuse the few boring titrations u have to do at the begining)

Potassium Chlorate(V)

long story short. we're supposed to put potassium chlorate(V) into a boiling tube. add a certain amount of distilled water. put it in a water bath until all the crystals dissolve. and let it cool. and take the temperature when the first crystals appear. and repeat.

first of all. my water took FOREVER to boil.

so i used Sam's one which was already BUBBLING. so after stirring with the thermometer until all the crystals dissolve, i took it out to cool. then Sam stir halfway while waiting, poked his thermometer through the boiling tube. xD

sad...he had to redo.

Broken Apparatus Count: 1

then i went back to my place to wait. my water finally started boiling a bit. waiting and waiting and waiting. seriously. the waiting time was grusomely long. cuz all i was doing was staring at the boiling tube stirring waiting for the sign of crystals.

but when the crystals FINALLY formed.

^!*&@ OMG WTF IT SOH PWEEETIEEEEE~!!! &}"{;./~**!#^&*%@( ITS LIKE THOSE SHINY THINGIES THEY PUT IN SNOW GLOBES. (*!#&*$}{:"?BUT THIS ONE MAGICALLY APPEARS!!! ?><.';}{{\!$%#OMG ITS LIKE SNOW. SO PWEEETIEEE~<3


Broken Apparatus Count: 2

then out of nowhere. Yoon Voon came around looking for the dustbin. she put a hole in her testube as well.

Broken Apparatus Count: 3

and if im not mistaken. someone's boiling tube broke at the bottom as well.

Broken Apparatus Count: 4

then as i was doing my third round of waiting. Melvin tried to save Yue Ting's already broken boiling tube from rolling over the table. but failed. i dont know when exactly she broke it in the begining. it rolled off the table and broke again anyway.

Broken Apparatus Count: 5

then as we were finishing. keeping and washing up apparatus time. i finished earlier so i was already keeping. then i dont know what Yue Ting was doing. she was keeping her beaker and somehow she dropped it. O_O

Broken Apparatus Count: 6

then after we were all settled and stuff. Nixon was walking by and he said:

Everyone breaking boiling tubes. i oso wanna break one.

Yoon voon said i'm very brave. cuz no one in college has nails like mine....
XD

then during MS tutorial Jun Hui was presenting. then he said:

"If you dont smoke, the air will be fresher and the SKY WILL BE HIGHER"

ROFLMAOL

Tat's all for today. =3

ITS SO SPARKLY IM GONNA DIEEE!!

Toddles,
Rach

** Two Hundred and Eleven **

through the looking glass. is a place i know. and yet it is a place i have never stepped foot.
through the looking glass. is a place i grow numb to. and yet it is a place i die to be.
through the looking class. is a heaven that has become my escape. and yet i cannot run.
though i am untied and unbarred, i am.

and when the sun finally sets in the east.

i am there.

i used to deny the fact that people say i have changed. i dont anymore.
it's like when you have more independence you tend to grow up with it. and trying to step back into the me few years back is pretty excruciatingly hard.

first and foremost. i apologize for getting everyone worried about me cuz of the last few posts.

i am ok.

its juat a phase of time in my life where i am like this. not really hating life entirely but somehow blaming life for ruining it for me.

see...you dont need a relationship to go through am emotional roller coaster.

LIFE ITSELF IS ONE.

talking about life. its amazing how i grew up with Disney but now i blame them for filling my head with all this stupid fantasy. the world continues to spin as Disney, Dreamworks, Pixars continue to fill little girls' minds with the dream that one day, if you waiting long enough, your prince charming will find you. and he will be the most perfect looking guy in all the land. and he'll take you on a ride on his white stallion into deeper parts of the woods where to sparkling water runs free. he'll whisk you away to a place called heaven on earth. then he whispers the sweetest little thing that only the two of you can hear. you catch his gaze. slowly and gently, he lands a peck on ur lips. and holds you in his arms. he'll fight to the death for you. go through pain for you. just for you to be safe.

so you grow up with this thing in your head. that one day, your prince charming will come save you from your tower and slay the dragon guarding it.

you know what they dont show you?

they dont show you how much it hurts. they fill you up with the joys and laughs of being happy with someone who you know is destined to be with you. they fill you up with the fact that everything will be okay.

THEY DONT SHOW YOU REALITY.

_________________________________________

i have my tests again in 2weeks time. YES. AGAIN!!
and surprisingly, my first sem will be finishing soon.

GAWD!! ITS ALREADy AUGUST!!!!

gosh. how life just passes you by. it feels like it was just yesterday i started my CAL.

oh well...

come on rachel!! STUDY!! STUDY!!
__________________________________________

tonight there is a meteor shower. but sitting under the dark sky waiting for one to pass me by means nothing when all i can do is wish you were next to me instead of my dog.

toodles,
Rach

** Two Hundred and Ten **

hello mister butterfly. are you all alone too?

where are all your friends? have they gone too?

** Two Hundred and Nine **

today yesterday EUGENE CHOY turns 18!!! which means he can legally watch porn now...xD

so we had it planned that we'd take the bus to sungai wang and go for Karaoke!! yeah the long delayed plan to go for it has finally commensed!! =D

so after class, we all went to Yue Ting's place near TBR. i parked my car there. then we had some change of clothings and then went to wait for the bus. then we took the bus to sungai wang.


then we went to Green Box to sing song. =D

so yeah. summary of what we did. jumping about on the seats. screaming out lungs out. passing around the mic. JIUN WAI SANG!!! WENDY SANG!!! mer win as usual la...LOL CHERRIE SING UNTIL NO VOICE STILL WAN SING.

YAY WU DING!!! <3


then we finally decided to eat at GASOLINE.

food wasnt all that good. but we were all hungry. xD

after food. we all headed home. which was around 9something close to 10.


photo in the elevator before leaving!

then sam, merwin, min yue, cherrie n i took the train back to TBR.

yes. by then i was extremely exhausted. not to mention the fact that it was the time of the month. shesh.

but i had fun today. ^^

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUGENE!!!!! =D


i came home n my mum scolded me just cuz i didnt want to get up tomorrow at 9 to buy crabsticks.

WTF
__________________________________________________________________________

[edit]

i had my MS presentation. and somehow i never liked going to the front to talk. its not that i wasnt prepared. i was.

but somehow when i stood in front of my classmates and my lecturer everything went blank. its like i had dyslexia and my notes, i didnt understand them.

most of the time i dont mind talking in front. but when it comes to things that are factual. practically things i cant randomly make up. i crash and burn.

standing in front there for god knows how long was like being in a haunted house. i couldnt hear myself think. its like my brain went dead on me. and i conviniently forgotten everything i had in mind. i was shaking in front there. i know i was. i found it hard to breathe. like somehow something was choking me.

i do not know wat happened.

all i know is i screwed up.

** Two Hundred and Eight **

there's not a day i wish i could trade all my tutorial books for a simple block of paper or an empty sketch book. wishing i be drawing instead of trying to figure out the values of a and b. hoping that somehow by some freak accident

everything would change.

i find myself green with envy watching those who never even planned to do arts, well, do arts. i toss and turn every night wondering when will my parents realize how much i am determined to persue my long kept interest in art. the one i struggled to keep a live through all the work and school and everything else happening in my life.

because it's the next best thing i have.

if the world was a lot less cruel maybe i wouldn't be stuck in this predicament. but here i am. caged and unwinged. even if you unlock the bearier that held this metal of confinement, i wouldnt be able to fly. i just noticed yesterday. there's a layer of dust on my sketch book. my A3 sketch book. god knows how thick that layer would be on my A4 ones.

the one thing the seriously pisses me off is the way my dad kept asking about what im going to do. the way he acts completely oblivious about the fact that i am going to the arts whether you like it or not.

the other day i was in the car with him talking about college and stuff. then i said i liked my chemistry lecturer and practcally like chemistry. and he said the line that pissed me off so bad, if he wasn't my dad i would've killed him.

"then go be a chemist!"

i stared from the back seat.

"i'm going to do animation." and that was final.

"since you like chemistry why not be a chemist. or something related to it."

"i'm going to do animation."

i wonder how many times do i have to say it before it sinks into their brains.

I AM GOING TO DO ANIMATION. (or whatever else that relates to art n drawing)

right now i feel the pull of gravity stronger than ever. being an artist the way i used to when i was in school was better than now. being able to make a simple thought into art. to be able to go beyond infinity. where the world is a playground and the sky is the limit. now. with college work piling up and tutorials that need to be done. i'll be lucky to even touch my sketch book once a month.

i want to be those who have sketch books in their hands and tonnes of different pencils, erasers, smudgers in their bags. instead of those who carry a file in their hand filled with all the notes in the world and tutorial books n refferences in their bags.

i never understood why my dad kept asking. he asked the other day "how's TARC." i just mumbled and continued eating. i hated that question. what was he expecting me to do?! lie and tell him that im amazingly happy being in TARC? he asked again "how are you liking TARC?" "ok la." then he brought up the topic of studying overseas aft my CAL. he suggested a twinning programme here, after my CAL. then i told him, "if i wanted to do a twinning programme on animation, i could've started NOW. instead of doing my a lvls."

i know i am wasting my time.

then my dad got sorta pissed. he said:
"go la! you not happy in TARC. and you think Alvls is a waste of time. where you wanna go? just leave TARC and go la. if you think you're so smart and wise enough to know what good. you damn proud just because you know what you're going to do already."

yea. i said Alvls was for those who didn't know what they wanted to do.

i walk this earth knowing and feeling inferior to everyone. doing Alvls makes me feel like school again. where i feel stupid wondering why my other classmates could do so well and i get this kind of shitty marks. watching everyone else i know start their course on art make me feel left out. its like they're getting better. and when i finish my CAL. i would probably suck even more that i already do. how am i gonna survive if i go oversea for my course?! heck. i dont need to go halfway around the world to undergo that kind of thing. it happens at home itself.

my dad put this idea of going to cambridge in my sister's brain. and she came back with a B for BM and my dad went "how are you going to get into cambridge like that?!" and the next thing i know it, she's going for extra BM tution. WTF. then i asked myself, why didn dad put that in my brain?

why?

i have my TEST2 in about 2weeks time. i know im going to screw this up as well. nowadays i find myself trying very hard to feel happy or at least be happy. most of the time im either angry with life or just angry with everyone around me.



one eyellid flickers
she pulls a pistol from her knickers
and BANG BANG BANG, there's blood on her sneakers