13 March 2010

** Hundred and Sixty Eight **

somehow when i went to school to collect my SPM results, i was neither excited or scared. i felt indifferent. and i didnt expect much. or so i thought. i tagged along with Ramya again. as usual. and when i got my results. i was utterly dumbfounded. not because they were any good. not because they were awfully bad. i didnt know what to feel. it was like a rush of mixed feeling that left my brain confused on whether to activate my tearduct or my face muscles to smile.

Bahasa Malaysia A-
English A+
Sejarah A-
Pendidikan Moral A
Mathematics A+
Additional Mathematics A+
Literature in English B+
Physics A
Biology A
Chemistry A

so i saw my results. i went "WTF?! B+ for Literature in English?!?!". then i felt like crying. i seriously did. then i stared at the A+ i got. English, Mathematics and Additional Mathematics. Anyone could've gotten A+ for those.

i guess i was so used to getting straight As' that when i didn have straight A+s' it was a really sucky feeling. i dont find myself proudly telling my parents about my results. i wasn't happy with it myself. yea its okay i guess if you compare mine with those who got 2As' or so. but then again why would i compare myself to them. so now i know what it's like to be in the shoes of those who didnt score straight As' for their PMR and i did. it truely is a really sucky feeling.

i didnt bother asking anyone their results. well i did ask a few. ended up making myself feeling even more suckier than before. then there were few insensitive ass holes that added salt to the wound. i guess saying i didnt have any expectations was a lie. i did expect something. guess i'm filled with disappointment cuz i didn do as expected.

seriously everytime i stare at my result slip it hurts.

it seriously takes something to happen to you before you understand why others cry over it. i'm okay with my results. just not proud of it. it's like watching everyone getting all the A+ in their result slips and i stare at mine. i feel like tossing it in the bin. its like, some of them dont even work as hard as you do and they get better.

what i never understood was why my literature in english was a B+. all this while i've been scoring A1 for it and all the sudden it's a B+. maybe the appearance of the B+ in my slip hit me like a oil tank. kinda knocked me out. put me into a black out state of mind. i never expect Literature in English to be a B+. and it pops out like some ugly thing on my slip.

i really wish i could gloat and be proud of what i got for SPM like most of them.

i cant.

but i went around forcing a smile on my face thanking all my teachers. i didnt find Pn.Rabi'ah. probably should. then again i got an A- for BM. other than that i met all my other teachers. i wanted to go see Pn.Lim as well. didnt have the time. seriously, everytime a teacher runs up to me wanting to see my results i felt like running away. i felt like crap that day. i still do.

i didnt want to blog about this either.

i was bored.

besides everyone's bound to know.

i might as well tell the world about it.

signing off,

0 complaints: