** Seventy **
i hear the vigorous tapping of my keyboard. my a's dont work again. i feel a certain chill up my spine. like a lost memoir from some distant past. not so distant.
the words so clear in my mind. every moment. whether it meant something or just plain nothingness. is fresh. living in my mind. haunting me. when will this stop?
i cant remember the last time i was that happy. well now i'm no longer that. sometimes i think i'm out of my mind. i try and try so hard. none of it is leaving. neither do i want it to go. sometimes.
he says "aishiteru akachan" and what do i do? stoned. silenced. speechless. like something surreal had just happened. like something out of the ordinary. something unbelievable. something...longed for. like a wish came true.
i lost count on how many times i wasted wishing on him. wishing he'd return what i sought. wishing he's see the light. wishing. maybe living in the past isn't really what i want. but it's just way too hard to let go years of feelings buried deep down under my skin. and honestly i cannot help but cry.
though i have told countless people countless of times. i'm over him. still. right now i might no longer wish upon a star for him. but i do hate it when he treats me like trash. i'd ask him to come for my birthday party last year. and he'd call me childish. i'd wish him happy birthday. and he'd ignore me.
i hated it so much. and yet. people tell me he's not worth it at all. people tell me he's a piece of trash. and what do you people actually expect me to do?? immediately erase all that i had for him?? is that even possible? i know what i know.
and right now. maybe it's me who let a chance slip away. but there was a time i really had hopes that my wishes did come true. that wishes dont only come true in fairy tales. they do in reality too.
and i slap myself hard for that
someone stop this beckoning. someone put an end to all this.
i hated feeling like this. i hate feeling like this everytime i talk about him.
just because i didn't want to come back down to reality.
just because i didn't want to walk away.
and now when things are way too complicated.
what am i gonna do about it??
NOTHING
______________________________________________________________________________
well...
my sister fell down today...
backwards.
like you know...um..terbalik...
head first
where the students wait
and you have those stupid ugly green pipes stuck together
kononnya "chairs"
dunno what happen laaaa...
she fell back...
knocked her head
anddd...
Lol...
i went into the drain to get her stuff
hehe...
first time in my life i go into the drain
then again...
going in wasn't hard...
getting out wasn't hard either...
ahhhh...darn...
exam arrr....
study study study...
yeah...
right...
as if...xD
the words so clear in my mind. every moment. whether it meant something or just plain nothingness. is fresh. living in my mind. haunting me. when will this stop?
i cant remember the last time i was that happy. well now i'm no longer that. sometimes i think i'm out of my mind. i try and try so hard. none of it is leaving. neither do i want it to go. sometimes.
he says "aishiteru akachan" and what do i do? stoned. silenced. speechless. like something surreal had just happened. like something out of the ordinary. something unbelievable. something...longed for. like a wish came true.
i lost count on how many times i wasted wishing on him. wishing he'd return what i sought. wishing he's see the light. wishing. maybe living in the past isn't really what i want. but it's just way too hard to let go years of feelings buried deep down under my skin. and honestly i cannot help but cry.
though i have told countless people countless of times. i'm over him. still. right now i might no longer wish upon a star for him. but i do hate it when he treats me like trash. i'd ask him to come for my birthday party last year. and he'd call me childish. i'd wish him happy birthday. and he'd ignore me.
i hated it so much. and yet. people tell me he's not worth it at all. people tell me he's a piece of trash. and what do you people actually expect me to do?? immediately erase all that i had for him?? is that even possible? i know what i know.
and right now. maybe it's me who let a chance slip away. but there was a time i really had hopes that my wishes did come true. that wishes dont only come true in fairy tales. they do in reality too.
and i slap myself hard for that
someone stop this beckoning. someone put an end to all this.
i hated feeling like this. i hate feeling like this everytime i talk about him.
just because i didn't want to come back down to reality.
just because i didn't want to walk away.
and now when things are way too complicated.
what am i gonna do about it??
NOTHING
______________________________________________________________________________
well...
my sister fell down today...
backwards.
like you know...um..terbalik...
head first
where the students wait
and you have those stupid ugly green pipes stuck together
kononnya "chairs"
dunno what happen laaaa...
she fell back...
knocked her head
anddd...
Lol...
i went into the drain to get her stuff
hehe...
first time in my life i go into the drain
then again...
going in wasn't hard...
getting out wasn't hard either...
ahhhh...darn...
exam arrr....
study study study...
yeah...
right...
as if...xD
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