** Eighty Three **

Mimi....
nahh your chords...
easier for you to play Em Am G D
than C G F Am Bm
so i tweaked it a bit...so it doesn sound like de song...heh

Love Story , Taylor Swift

Em Am
We were both young when i first saw you
G D
I close my eyes and the flash back starts
Am G
I'm standing there on a balcony of summer air
Em Am
See the lights, see the party the ball gowns
G D
I see you make your way through the crowd
Am G
And say hello, little did i know

Em G
That you were Romeo you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And i was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go

and i said[no chords]

D G
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
Em Am
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
D G
You'll be the prince and i'll be the princess
Em Am
It's a love story baby just say yes

Mimi...just follow up the rest of it...
the chords are the same...
i screwed up a bit...lawls...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
today i woke up. wishing i hadn't. wishing i didn't have to. the sunlight through the curtains. my messed up books from the countless nights studying in the past few weeks for the exams that are now over. i slide open my phone, looked at the time. 7.33 a.m.. guess my alarm didn't wake me up again.

i drag myself out of bed. brushed my teeth. ran water through my face and got dressed. i looked at myself, who am i trying to kid, putting on a fake smile like this. don't blame me. i am trying to hide what i'm feeling. i don't want to ruin your day. i off all the lights, turned the knob and pulled open the door. walk down the flights of stairs, watching my feet, left, right, left, right.

i stare out the window. thinking of what am i gonna do today. how life is wasted on people like me. i dont deserve to live. indecisive on whether to peel off that piece of scab or not. i know it leaves a scar if i do. but it bothers me. my phone rings but i dont answer. it rings again. and again. and again. i turned it off, so no one could reach me. no one can find me.

i like the shadows i put myself in.
i like the darkness.
i like the emptiness i put myself in.

** Eighty Two **

FOUR SCIENCE THREE
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL TRYING TO DO
THE PICTURE IS SELF EXPLAINATORY
WHOEVER'S IDEA THIS IS
I DONT CARE
IT'S THE WHOLE FOUR SCIENCE THREE IN IT
AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL DOING
THAT
IS FOUR SCIENCE ONE'S COPYRIGHTED FEELING
YOU PEOPLE GOT NO LIFE ISSIT
NO BRAIN ISSIT
CANNOT THINK AND CREATE THINGS FOR YOUR OWN AR
YEAH HALF THE TEACHER'S HATE OUR CLASS
INCLUDING HER IN THE PICTURE
SO WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS THAT BYOTCH DOING
OUR FEELING
I DONT CARE IF WHICHEVER IDIOT READS THIS
AND TELLS THE WHOLE FUCKING SCHOOL ABOUT WHAT I SAID
IT'S MY FREEDOM OF SPEECH RIGHT HERE
YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF DOWN RIGHT IDIOTS
HELL MAYBE MOST OF YOU MIGHT TERASA READING THIS
BUT I REALL HATE IT WHEN YOU PEOPLE DO THIS
DONT GET ME WRONG I EVEN SCREAM WHEN MY FUCKING SISTER FUCKING COPIES ME
EXPLAIN TO ME FOUR SCIENCE THREE
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE TRYING TO PULL
MAKE THIS CLEAR
THIS IS THE FIRST AND LAST TIME YOU PEOPLE ARE PULLING SOMETHING LIKE THIS OFF

THIS IS THE LAST FUCKING STRAW

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

stupid stupid stupid

you people are a bunch of bitches with no fucking life than you all just want to cpoy what we have and try to make the bond that we have somewhat yours as well and you guys fail terribly at it. screw you all man. i'll take a fork poke out all your eye balls. take a spoon dig out the other. chop off all your fingers one by one watch you scream in pain. then i'll twist your feet 360degress watch you scream more in pain. then i'll let your dangling leg dangle in the air where gravity pulls them down. drip drip drip goes your blood. but thats not where it ends. though youre barely alive. i take a whip and slash your skin bare. skin you alive and give you a little dash of salt all over. yeah it stings doesnt it. good. watch the salt burn into your skin. owh wait. you dont have skin anymore.

bunch of no brainers

i'll keep your skin for you, since you guys dont know how to do it yourself. you bunch of no life losers. trying to be people with life like us...you people try too hard only to fail. i'll send you to hell where you'd burn without any skin and your eyeballs i'd throw in your soup and tell you it's fishball. you'd eat up your eyeballs and not even know it. you'll be in hell where you'll be thorn limb from limb. slowly. you hear you joins break. your muscles go over their limits. then your capilarries start to burst. blood squrts out life sprinklers on the lawn. except they cant be turned off. you cant see but you feel the pain. imagine if you could see. then end goes your life. you neck has been deeply slit. after i cut off your ears so you cant hear. you cant see you cant hear. conclusion you cant copy. you have no fingers to do feeling, kanjima, or semangat. but that doesnt matter. you're dead already.[if its too small copy and past in word]

THIS IS FOUR SCIENCE ONE

CREATOR OF

SEMANGAT

FEELING

KUNDEJEM

KANJIMA

COPYRIGHTED BY KAMPUNG SEMANGAT

** Eighty One **

ok...im done with the captions for the phantom pictures
most probably i have to redo it...
tick tock my brithday's coming
joyyyyyy...................................

lawls...im gonna kill you joshua...im gonna kill you on the 17th...you wait...
see what kind of birthday thing he did...xD
www.minutes-to-hours.blogspot.com
i dont know why all of you are stress over what to get me...
just get me anything i'd be happy really...
just dont get something pink...
i'll kill u for that...

well...
i deperately need a guitar pick
i misplaced mine somewhere...sobs...
thats all really...
but dont all of you go get me a guitar pick...
i only have one hand and one guitar...x3
unless you want to buy the guitar along with it..
owhh...then be my guest...
ok what else...

ahhh...yeh...my birthday...
16th november
my house
dinner time 7//8 pm liddat
we'll have food...xD
yeahhh everyone loves food...
i know i do...
um...sleeping over might be a bit of an issue...
i'll ask...gimme a few more days..heh
den we play with WATER...like we always do...
owh yeah...yall will have to not mind the fact that majority of my class is gonna be there..
unless you hate 4sc1 so much...then i advise u not to show up...

i feel no difference in this birthday
it's like any other normal birthday
and they say your 16th birthday should be big...lawls...
i'm getting older and im celebrating it...
WTF is wrong with me....x3

one more week and school's over
my leg's cramp...ahhh...ouch...cannot move...
my keyboard's killing me....

life as i know it
has officially turned upsidedown and insideout

** Eighty **

ok
phantom school album captions to do tomorrow
collect the report cards, koko books n paper
sleep in class
pss the sejarah notes out
collect 50cents for it
try to upload class party photos[i failed 3 times de]
ok
my birthday
shittt
here i am sitting after dance class
2nd time im typing this out
im turning bitter sixteen on the 16th of november 2008
and im seriously bitter right now
heck it's just few more days to my party
and thank god i havent planned anything
yet
i dont know how i should express this
cuz im a lil bit angry
lil bit sad
lil bit frustrated
lil bit confused
well dance competition's next week
yeah 15th or 16th...i dont know
i wasnt paying attention
now
i dont know what to do
i'll be at timesquare making a fool outa myself
and guess what....
WTF am i gonna do when i have my whole class thinking its on the 16
and now im not even certain whether there's gonna be a celebration
FUCK
shit..=X shudnt swear...my bad...
i dont know what to do
i dont know what am i suppose to be doing
but...

i need to go...
practise makes perfect...


sweet bitterness

**Seventy Nine**

The ground below my feet is solid but I feel afloat. There is not light but I can see the way. My toothpaste is running out soon. The tiled floors of the shower need to be dried off so that no one would slip and fall. No one. I spat out the foamy stuff you get when you brush your teeth. There was blood with it; probably I have been brushing too hard again. Like I always have. I gargled and spat the remains out; the liquid was rusty yellow because of the blood. I splashed water onto my face. Once. Twice. And gave myself cold hard slaps to wake me up. I find myself staring at the mirror in front me. Myself staring at me. I feel as if the mirrors might just crack anytime soon from the times I stared at myself here. I combed my hair with my fingers and that’s it. I’m ready for the day.

My feet shuffled as they dragged themselves out of the toilet into my room. My unmade bed. My messy desk with papers and pencils and everything else you’d find on a desk everywhere but at place. My clothes from yesterday still lay on the floor. Along with all the other undone laundry. It’s a mess; my mess. I stepped over the pile of clothes to the curtains; maybe I should let some light in. slowly but regrettably I draw them open. The light penetrated my eyes like a burning laser, I ran away from it.

The milk spilt again today but I didn’t cry. The glass pieces on the floor had their revenge. I watched my blood fuse with the white liquid on the floor. No. I did not scream, did not yell. I left the mess for later. The cold chilly tap water rushed through the cut, it stings. These things do happen to me everyday. These things are incessant, very. I stood by the sink, watching my blood flow down the drain, into the sewers, where millions of other substances everybody washes down the sink, flushes down the toilet go.

The bleeding had stopped. I sat by the window today. Watching people pass me by, not knowing I was watching. I watch them live their lives to the fullest. With each passing day, my existence becomes dwindle; like a dewdrop in the morning and by noon, it is no longer there.

Tomorrow will be another day. My Colgate will be mixed with blood. I’d stare at myself in the mirror. Attempt to let light into my life and fail terribly at it. Spill my milk; breaking my glass. I don’t intend to grimace you with what happens to me everyday when I’m at home. Nor do I seek pity from anyone and everyone who reads this.

Daily I sit on the edge; trying to decide whether to jump or not. Then the wind comes; blowing through my hair, making me feel as if I had wings to fly. I’d close my eyes and feel a certain sense of difference in my life. When I open them, I return to this life of mine; crammed with all the unrefined facts. I’d climb back down the same rusty stairway where my footsteps would echo as I walked. The metal door would creak as I yanked it open after banging my fist on it twice; it only opens that way.

I am at home; under the sheets; curtain drawn, lights off. I hugged myself and checked my watch; waiting for the sun to set. Tonight I am alone in the living room; staring at the blank screen on the television. I am watching television. I hear cars zooming by every five minutes. My dinner lay in front of me; untouched. I have lost my appetite, my will to consume any form of substance called ‘food’.

I want to run away. I want to escape. I want to break out of this imprisonment I am in.

I wanted to smile; to laugh. It’s happening again; the same reason why I never liked coming out. Everything has repeated itself; like how I’d spill my milk every morning. I got up; I know I shouldn’t leave like I did the other day. But I couldn’t. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide. I wanted to flee.

I stormed out again. I ran across the street. No, this is not the part where a car comes and crushes my skull and sends me to the hospital where someone would come and care for me. No. This is different. Pass the park into the small hill further down. I will not cry, but I did.

I watch everyone with two legs, two arms, two eyes, two ears, a mouth and a nose; same as me, live their lives. Watch the beautiful swoon others with their looks. Envy the rich spending on the newest of new things. Observe the intelligent pawn each other at chess when I can’t even figure out how to start that game. Study the talented do what only I can dream in my wildest of dreams.

I stare at myself in the mirror and wait for it to crack today. I swallowed down my colgate today. I didn’t have milk today. I am lost. I stare at myself in the mirror. Damn it! Why won’t you just crack and tell me I’m ugly. My fist did the trick; blood trickle down the cracked mirror onto the sink. I watch my distorted face in the mirror. I’d ask god why he did this to me; but god can’t even hear me. I can’t hear myself but I can hear everyone and everything else. I pulled out that piece of glass stuck in my skin. It hurts but not as much as it should.

____________________________________________________________________________________

i pace myself in my room trying to figure out why the hell am i even doing here. i am not crazy. i can sleep in the mid afternoons where the sun shines the hardest without air conditioning or fan. i am not crazy. i finish my bath in 15 minutes and stand under the shower for the rest of the time, watching the water rush down my widely open eyes. i am not crazy. i lie under my bed and stare at the matress from under there and count the threads i see. i am not crazy. i sit in my closet when im sad and hope the oxygen in here runs out. i am not crazy.

i dont know who i am anymore.



i off all the lights but turn on the night light, cuz im afraid a pair of eyes might stare back at me. i am not insane. i sit on my bed. my parents think i'm sleeping but i am thinking to myself. trying not to scream everytime the rats on the roof scramble. i am not insane. i go to the roof when my parents aren't home to sit there wondering if i could jump from here and make it to my neighbour's yard. i am not insane. i feel as if the cracks on my wall are healing themselves. i am not insane. i sleep with my stuffed toys but sometimes i get scared just staring at them and throw them off the bed. that made things worst cuz now it's staring at me from the corner of the room. i end up hiding under my blanket for the night. i am not insane.

i dont know who i am anymore.



i stuff my headphones into my ear. set the player to play. enters temporary shock cuz it was at full blast and Chester was screaming. i am not childish. my phone runs out of battery. my mp3 hasnt been charged in months. my radio is turned on low as my mum would scream. and that's not my kind of music. i am not childish. i still think i'd survive if i were in a pool and the lightning strikes. i'd just come out all burnt and frizzed up. i am not childish. i sing and dance in my room, in the shower, on the streets, whenever i feel like it. i dont care who's watching. i am not childish. i know i can climb a tree and make the branches bend so i wouldnt need to jump down. i am not childish. i collect highlighters, colour pencils and markers. i keep them though they're are no use to me anymore. i am not childish.

i dont know who i am anymore.



i dont know who i am anymore

**Seventy Eight**

yes...yes..i'm turning sixteen in a about a week plus's time...
gosh that sucks...
what am i gonna do for my birthday...T^T

ahh....i dont wanna think about it....

________________________________________________________________________
exams are O-V-E-R!!!!
sooo....now got nothing to do...lawls...




muahahahaha....
i was bored....xD
______________________________________________________________________________

owh owh...almost forgot...GTH's awesome halloween partayyy!!!!
wahahahaha...i'll keep it short and simple...xD
first i got to say something...
HELL GTH!!! YOU KNOW LOADS OF PEOPLE MAN!!!!!
ok...
we started with a little candy giving out session...wheee...my candehhh
yeah practically i was drowning myself in the sugary goodness of all things sweet there and nothing else...
owh..i finished the coke..xD
well, technically i didnt do much there
though it was a REAL awesome partay...
with the music blaring just the way i love it...xD
i spent my night with Mimi tagging along with me
going around introducing her to everyone i knew or didnt know there...
ooo...our official hang out spot...the COKE DISPENSER!!!!
yeah...MIMI's my official bodyguard for the night...
i shud tell you what she did...xD [muahaha dont kill me mimi]
Mimi went and screamed at a couple of guys across the room
she got so pissed off at them for following us around...
she went...
"Oi you sakaiis!!! nothing better to do ar (*^&^&^%$^%#%$@#%$@%&#^&%$^&"
lawls...[i over exaggerate]
yeah...den i had to pull her away or else a fight would've started...
sad sad...Mimi abandoned me...she go back soh very early...
and what do i end up doing...?!?!?!
i went n ended up playing some game with the group of them...
i still dont get the game til today...
fuhh after the party...GTH belanja me supper....xD
wakakaka...i shant say anything more...
then i went home...
SLEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPP....
_____________________________________________________________________________

** Seventy Seven **

haih...i cant study now...
FUHHH!!! CLASS T-SHIRT ISH HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LALALALA....AND IM WEARING IT.....
lawl...
but the name at the side bit small...><''' sorry
other than that...
ITS SHEER AWESOME-NESS!!!!
lawls...

im so awesome...xD
_______________________________________________________________________

Ironic Equation
yeah that's what i've been studying...
how to fo an ironic equation..
haih...im failing chemistry as we know it...xD
what soluble salt la...
insoluble salt la...
all i know is copper(II) is blue
iron(II) is GREEN!!!!
iron(III) is brown
copper(II) carbonate is GREEN!!!!
lawls....
the rest of it is white...
wahhh i remembered something...
i wonder WHY do we have to memorise the freaking experiments
it's not like i'm gonna be doing it anytime soon in my life
heck it's not like for a job interview they're gona ask if u know how to do this this this experiment...
lawls...
carbonate salt releases carbon dioxide which turn blue litmus paper red and lime water chalky...lol
ammonia is that pungent brown gas tat turn red litmus paper blue and does magic with hydrogen chloride...lol...white fumes..magic...
excuse all this..im trying to study...
CHLORINE GAS!!!!! is GREENISH-yellow.......wakakaka...pungent n turn blue litmus paper red....fuh a mixture of ammonia and carbon dioxide...
idiotic chemistry...
i really feel like dying right now...

__________________________________________________________________________________

haih one two weeks more...
just live with it rach...
den it's your long long holiday before SPM...
*gasps*

told you people not to ask why weekiat right?!?!
slap u people u know...dun understand english ar....
u ask oso as if i cn answer lahhh...
ish ish ish...

somehow i love maths...
heh...yeah im a nerd for loving maths....watevaaa...
xD
look on the bright side...at least i'm a "cute" nerd..
PFFFTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*slaps self*
time to brush up on add math...
tralalalala...
yeah as if...
finish only exam i burn my books de....xD
lawls...im one year early doing that....

i love literature....
sorry im getting myself in a studying mood
i dont see whats so hard about it...
it's not like they make u study everything shakespear wrote...
yeah shakespear is hard to understand....
then again there are plenty great poets who write beautiful poems...
*ehemmmm*
well some are harder than others...well thats just life...
if everything was easy it wouldnt be called life anymore...
"this aint a Girl's Scouts Camp..."

gosh im reading and reading over and over again...
nothing's going in my brain...
ok lets all laugh at my BM paper 1 marks...
85 / 130
Ramya one idiot got 102/130
102 weiii!!!!!!!!!
pffft i cant even reach 90....hahahahaha

atoms of noble gases do not gain, lose or share electrons....
lawls...stingy much...
no wonder they're at the end of the periodic table...
everyone hates them...xD

ironic[ionic] bonds transfer electrons
covalent bonds share electrons

ishhh...why must the atoms do this?!?! cant they just do either share or transfer....? why the fuck must they do both?!?!?!?!?! argh

the weathaaa is so HUMIDDDDDDDDDD

i sweating just sitting here

______________________________________________________________________________

come guys...listen...this is for you...and your big ego
you call us vain at how we look at the mirror 24 7 and how we fuss about every tiny thing from our hair to our face. at least we know how we look like...
some of you dont even realize how you look yourself and you go judging other people saying this and that. worst. some of you think your simply irresistable when in fact youre just getting on our nerves. self obsessed much?!?!
what are you trying to prove calling girls stupid. we know boys are stupider [if there is such a word]. and you dont prove you're smarted by calling us stupid. lawls...that's stupid...being smart is one thing. acting is another. you cant act smart when you're actually stupid.how ironic can you possibly get.
what makes you think staring is gonna help?!?! its rude to stare...more it's irritating. i'd more or less roll my eyes and get on with my life. lawls...not that i care...stalking doesnt help either you know...

i dont know what's up with you people now a days...is it you guys ran out of colours that you have to lend girl's...the whole freaking world is into pink...i saw this bright pink car with a hello kitty sticker the other day..."yeah yeah...it's a girl driving...duh...." and when my dad takes over the car...i died laughing... the guy probably lost a bet or something cuz he's in the car with his shade all stylish and stuff. but...he's in a pink hello kitty car...then again maybe his car broken down and he's driving his girlfriend's car...xD that is if he has a girlfriend...xD

ahhh im crapping again...

ok study time...

enough is enough...

aidos!!! ^^