23 April 2013

** Two Hundred and Sixty Two **

Face the fact that we all go through the different stages of a relationship. And sometimes things get really stupid.

To a point you'd find yourself questioning yourself on why are you still here.

Kinda realized I'd be really selfish to say if he can't handle me at my worst why is he even my bf. technically... He's trying... And I of all people know how impossible I am at times.

I understand how imperfection makes us human. So yeah, I'm a hell of a pain in the ass when I go on my emotional rages that don't make any fucking sense half the time cuz its on the littlest of things.

Somehow can never find someone patient enough to deal with it.

It's crazy how I actually miss the nights we'd be on Skype til we fall asleep. Jus talking and making random faces at the camera. See each other almost everyday for dinner.

Now, we're just... Comfortable.

I don't know. Maybe it's just me... Maybe it's cuz I'm a bit hard to handle at times and I don't really blame anyone. We don't see each other for a week and the moment we do somebody gets pissed off. Or both of us do. Maybe not seeing each other as often makes us cranky.

Then again, it might just be the lack of sleep.

I'd love to dress pretty just to see my boyfriend. Most of the time it just feels like it isn't even worth my time to put together a nice little combination when I see him. Heck, I take effort to dress for school now rather than for him.

Not asking to shower me with endless supply of compliments. But calling ur GF pretty once in a while nvr hurt anyone. Especially when she took effort to put on something cute to see u for dinner.

Then again, mayb it's cuz half the time he's in his shirt n shorts n slippers. Which is fine.

I think the only time he dressed slightly nicely was on our first date. Where I was sloppily dressed in shirt n shorts.

Role reversal eh.

There are times when I feel like I'm not pretty enough inside and out. Like I have a horrible personality. Why in the world do ppl even like me?

I'm a horrible person. Cuz I still feel socially awkward with a lot of people, especially parents. I'd love to offer to help to adults but I have to muster up a hell log of courage just to walk up and say "do you need help?" cuz it needs to be forced out. I try.

I try a lot of things. Hardly ever makes me feel better.

I don't think anything does.


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