29 May 2017

** Two Hundred and Seventy Five **

I think it's high time I updated after almost a year or so. So a quick update on what has been going on with my life from the last post.

I started at a local studio in KL as a concept artist and the work was exciting as a first job kind of thing. As the months pass, it felt a little more directionless and a lot of the work wasn't leading anywhere fruitful or even close to worth the time I may have to put in to even get anywhere near done. It was initially a contract job and I'd be on for a couple of months but they kept extending the contract over and over again without really hinting on whether they'd offer me a full time position or not which was kind of annoying. I did one year in that company and decided it was time to split and just do my own thing for a bit. I left not because the work place was shit, but because the project felt like a waste of my time. The people I met are extremely talented and amazing to work with. The seniors there were super helpful. It was a great experience working there nonetheless.

I remained a freelancer for about 5minths before I moved on to a new job. Discovered the joys of social media and community building. And people willing to pay for my art.

I am currently back in Singapore working as an animator at a casino company. It's nothing fancy but the pay is good, boss is great, work is pretty chill and I get plenty of time sometimes to do my own thing.

Now for matters of the heart.

Last I left the situation was probably close to where things were in hell and were falling apart as it is. I cannot put to words how fragile and insecure I was back then and it took a lot. He didn't want to officially break it off for whatever reason and wanted to "try". It was made pretty clear after a couple of pushes and talking with my friends that I really didn't need anymore of this bullshit. As much as I make it sound really easy here, it took a lot for me to break it off. No doubt the weeks that follow felt like absolute shit and it was probably one of my worst. I was constantly breaking down at work and needed friends to talk to to just keep things off my mind. I was quite a wreck. But I'm pretty sure it was a good decision to do so.

I went through my working days on top of the break downs and comforting chats from one old n close friend from college and another from a random night breakdown chatter. It was hard but I am thankful. Then to ask myself am I moving wayyyyyy too fast with this. I just got out and am going through this breakdown n recovery and already after another?

Long story short. My break up was hell but I needed it.

There was a time where I'd write nice things bout my NOW ex-boyfriend. Of happiness n how proud I am. And I guess it's a sad vicious cycle. I am aware more than ever that maybe this happiness I have now is also temporary. Maybe it isn't.

I'm dating this amazing guy. Self driven in so many ways he doesn't even know it. A little bit of an asshole but who isn't. The most affectionate and supportive person. And does a mighty fine job taking care of me too. Slightly stubborn and half the time doesn't listen. He's an artist. And he smokes. A lot. Took us awhile to set things up and take things seriously but we finally did. It was one of the best decisions I've made in my life.

Holy shit I'm hungry at 12am. Do I wanna eat n get fat?

I owe a lot of my growth to him and the company of people I'm surrounded with because of him. I hate socializing a lot. I honestly think if people want to hang out with you they will and you don't need to invite yourself. But I could be entirely wrong.

And that's about it I guess. I do like this time capsule of a blog I have. And u plan to keep it that way.


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