** Two Hundred and Fifty Four **

I have officially run out of things to blog lately. I dont really plan on enlightening my fellow readers on the boring stuff i do everyday as i literally park myself on my bed in front of the laptop most of the time and well, that's about it.

So my sister is off to singapore on her 4years scholarship studying in MGS. All expense paid with an extra 200SGD for allowance. Noneotherless i am happy for her. she's off to a better start than i am.

And i'm stuck here. With people my parents know asking on and off. Wondering why am i still here. i wonder the same thing too. sometimes i wonder what i lack. why was it so hard for me to get myself a measly scholarship. and here i have people tell me im talented and shit (not boasting. not complaining). i guess talent gets you nowhere in life. but it's not like i lack brains (or maybe i do). i figured after so long studying, the only people that get scholarships are those that achieve way above average results. and technically i am not one of them. either my sister is one of them or the people in her batch are just plain dumb (lol).

My results are coming soon. and when that happens my parents would be bugging me even more about applications for universities again. somehow or rather its just my low self esteem, every time i apply for anything i feel as if i am not good enough. heck! i dont have enough self esteem to even write my own personal statement. i know right?! the same girl that people see walking head held high, not giving a damn what people say, has self esteem issues. go figure.

not to boast about myself being too skinny. but i used to be underweight but not exactly skinny like skins and bones kind. after the CNY shoot i had with Kaze and Takkun, i kinda realized. shit! this is scary. i look close to anorexic. so i figured i should ATTEMPT to gain some mass (according to kaze). i'm not those girls who pride on being super skinny. rather im those who couldnt care less. plus, i dont even know where and when i lost the mass i had!! or maybe skating makes you skinnier. EVERYBODY SKATE!!! =D

even as things have ended between us. i find myself wishing it didnt at some point in time. though things have cooled down between us. let me get this straight. we are close. very. i did not claim ownership of him anymore. he's free to mingle if he wishes i have no right to hold him down. what wrong is there to lean on him when im tired. he is still my bestfriend whether you guys like it or not. what wrong is there sitting next to him watching cartoons on his psp. we still care for one another. have fun 9GAGing together and talking bout 9GAG.

i wonder who made the rule that says, you have to be a couple before you can use a guy's shoulder.


sometimes i feel like an attention seek whore. LOLed.

And i checked my stats for my blog. heck!! i have readers on the other side of the globe!! *le proud* =3

toodles darlings,
Rach.