** Two Hundred and Forty Eight **

i went for parent lecturer day today. not as bad as my last one. but all my lecturers said they see me trying and putting effort but i need to try harder.

ain't life always been that way.

here you are giving it your all and the people around you think you could do better and say you should try harder. i've learnt in life never to have any expectations when it comes to anything cuz i'd just end up disappointed by the outcome if it doesnt turn out the way i expected. disappointment isnt a nice feeling. you see, without an expectation i kinda learn to take things as they come to me. i figured things be easier and less of an emotional roller coaster ride that way.

i'll hand it to my lecturers for noticing my efforts. yes. i did try very hard last sem. after my last parent lecturer day, i do not need another rough ride with my dad. go figure.

how is it that at points in life you feel as if you've given everything you had and yet the people around expect so much more for you and you just find it in your little human nature to attempt to fulfill that bit of expectation of them in you. for whatever purpose of self satisfaction it may lead to, i know i do it. i know people tend to say they dont live to please others but sometimes it is the one thing that drives us.

and then at some point in life you find that one tiny speck of self satisfaction cuz instead of struggling to reach other's expectations of you, you're finally doing something for yourself and the results come with a sense of self satisfaction where you can proudly and genuinely give yourself a good pat in the back and congratulate yourself for all the sacrifices and time spent on it. doing things for yourself isnt a crime.

so what happens when you'd rather do the things you love and satisfy your expectations of yourself rather than fulfilling expectations of others which seem out of reach for your standards. obviously it is more fun doing things you love rather than forcing yourself to do the things you have to to fulfill the expectations of others.

so at some point in life, life seems like a game. where you start off pretty easy. leveling up really quickly. completing simple quests. and then it gets hard after you reach level20~ where leveling seems to take forever and the quests now seemed like boring chores. and then it get impossible after level40~ where leveling takes days or weeks or even months! and the quests are jus way too troublesome to complete you couldnt careless. but you need the experience reward from the completion of the quest. so at some point in the game you decide to put away that stubborn ego of yours and finish the goddamned quest cuz you're already bored of killing mobs everyday.

why is it that things with higher priorities are the most unfun things to do?!

________________________________________________________________________

a little public announcement : IM BACK SLALOMERS!!! <3 COME FIND ME!! =D

maybe its just me, but skating everyday, watching myself progress made me realized if i actually had the same determination i had for skating as i had for studying i'd do pretty well. without fail. under the scorching malaysian sun. everyday after class (if the weather allows me). i skate. regardless of whether i lose my fairness cuz i did care back then about keeping me skin fair. and now i have two diff skin tones. XD

dont get me wrong. i still am trying very hard on my a levels.

but i spent one year in a levels putting time and effort plus tears into satisfying what my Asian parents expect from me. typical if you have chinese parents. they expect us to get straight As or something. if not. you're one lucky bastard. not having to deal with the pressure.

i dont know. but my parents are very comparative. well everyone in my family is. so there's pressure to perform better or at par with the other. honestly, it used to matter to me. probably the face problem got to me as well. but right now, i pretty contented jus to manage an average C. i dont care how many As my cousins got. i did my best. and even if its not good enough for my parents i know i did my best.

or maybe im being too easy on myself.

i know how the people around see more potential in you than you see in yourself. honestly when i look in the mirror i see a regular kid. nothing special. and there i have people wondering what i dont do cuz i cosplay, play the electone, dance, skate, draw, does taekwondo, write and has an incredibly random mind. LOL. self flattery much?!

A jack of all trades is a master of none.

______________________________________________________________________

on the side note. i discovered last week thursday i could put my feet to a reversed eagle without much effort. seems its something hard to do. LOL. i just did it to join the party. XD

go figure.

and i had THREE SECONDS OF JOY today when i held my reversed eagle and it went straight instead of the failed circle...

if only i could channel all that determination into my studies. LOL.


Love,
Rach

** Two Hundred and Forty Seven **

looking at my archives for this year. i blogged way too little.

my formspring has been bait for trolls.

so a few days back some anonymous keyboard warrior asked me on formspring. well. not exactly asked. more of like accused. so Anon's "question" was that my life is full of lies and lying isn't it?

to tell you the truth. yes. my life is full of lies. some which i regretted telling and some which i dont. yes. lying is bad. but putting it in a way as if it is a matter of life and death when you lie in your life. i mean. sometimes its just a little white lie. when i dont feel like hanging out with my friends. i'd tell them im sick or not feeling so good to go. maybe it's just me. but having asked someone out and having them tell you they dont feel like it is kinda like saying i dont like to hang out with you. i do not deny the fact my life is loaded with lies. everyone lies. for good or bad thats another question. afterall there are always two sides to a story. the fact that the act of lying is so easy to commit. sometimes i do it unconsciously. then some wise old man would come tell me a lie would grow bigger and bigger. so what if it grows bigger and bigger. you just grow with it. its like writing your own spontaneous story. so people say a lie grows and soon you'd get caught. i had my fair share of being caught lying and being punished for it. (and its not pretty). not to say lying is good. but sometimes lying might just save your ass.

im assuming these two "questions" came from the same person.
so Anon asks "what do you feel if the person you love cheats on you and your relationship are nothing but lies and acts like some sort of theater play?"

obviously in the scenario you just gave me. you're a blind victim of a one sided love. i dont see a point in your partner cheating on you and taking you for granted if he/she really loves you the same way you love him/her. yes. there's pain that comes with finding out all that. some people are just not meant to make it to your future. besides, the pain will only make you stronger. trust me on this.

but i answered Anon, "i dont love people like that in the first place"

somewhat true in a sense if i already know this guy is a player and is not serious and has never been. when he pops the question, no matter how much i like him, why would i say yes?! maybe its just me. but based on my past heartbreaks. people like him are not worth my time and tears. dont go digging your own grave.

and then Anon (assuming same person) asked, "have you ever thought that you are also one of those people too?"

maybe i got a little defensive at this question. no. i dont think i have ever cheated on someone or toyed with anyone's emotions. i may have a problem keeping my distance and being not so friendly with other guys. nonetheless can be solved with a little self control. toying with someone's emotions is a very cruel thing to do. and people who do things like that are insensitive.


and...there's another keyboard warrior calling me a slut and whore and dumb on formspring.

as far as im concerned. i have never been slutty or whorey(is there such a word? XD)
as far as dumb is concerned. i know im not dumb.

so that was that. ahhh internet...u so funny sometimes...XD
_______________________________________________________________

my life is about to get a whole lot bumpier.

Rach.

** Two Hundred and Forty Six **

[looking at the number of posts ive made this year. pft. pathetic]

8 MORE DAYS TO THE RELEASE OF ALICE:MADNESS RETURN

ive been really easily agitated these past few days. actually its SUPER EXTREMELY EASILY agitated. probably because of recent events that kinda got out of hand to a certain extent.

i know very well that i am a nice person (not to brag). but these past few days showed me that not everyone deserve to be nice to. fine by me if you like me and stuff. i dont mind. i dont shun you aside and think its weird talking to a person that likes me. i dont like doing what i did few days back but i had to do what i had to do. blame my mood swings and whatever shit. but i am still irritated til today. (talk about keeping grudges)

maybe its because im currently having my exams. i tend to get cranky when im having exams. all that frustration and studying. and the constant guilty conscience bugging from the back of my mind everytime i get distracted and do something else.

maybe im jus in a lot of stress right now.

i deleted blocked and unfriended two people who i took as friends.

call me immature for my reasons of doing so. i did what i had to do.

i went to C2AGE last saturday and had loads of fun (seriously). as all the picture tags show i was cosplaying noel vermillion. im fine with people asking to take my photo. i'll smile and pose and let them take. no harm done. all in a days work for a cosplayer. i just realized i asked Kaze for a shoot but i forgot (ahhh sorry). under the circumstances the character did get a handful of attention (partially cuz of the bearback and short skirt...and some genuine blazblue fans).

maybe most boys are born stupid and clueless. i dont mean to discriminate against him but he is more of a spectator in the cosplay community. and asking me for a photoshoot on that day?! i was too nice to slap him in the face with a straight NO. i told him i was busy and came up with excuses. and figures. being a stupid boy he doesn get the message. and he bugs me for the entire day. on and off asking me if im free now. and yes i got fucking annoyed by it. its like when you're trying to sleep and every 5seconds a mosquito flies near your ear. i dont know what his intensions were wanting to have a photoshoot on that day. but judging for my costume. i pick my photographers wisely.

so a supposedly happy ending to my day at C2AGE turned out me going home frustrated as ever. and yes. for bugging me and not understanding that no means no. i blocked deleted and unfriended him. kthxbye.

and then alex was being a nice guy trying to explain on behalf of him.

even if you did apologize. i am a girl and i have myself to protect. you showed a side of you that would distort that safety. and so i dont plan to come near you ever.

period.

fine by me. that probably started the fire.

i was gonna study on sunday but my arms hurt from trying to get the band out on saturday. and yes my body still aches like hell. so i decided to study later that night.

then monday came and i sat for my paper and came home. i screwed my paper. so yeah. practically in the downers already when i got home. and i came online. chatted with a couple of people. then it got ugly when he said "please..im not your toy..."

i am highly aware you like me. and how did i ever toy with you. even if you say you do know what being toyed is i dont think you have the concept right. i have never toyed with anyone's feelings because of the fact that i know how much it hurts. im not some insensitive person to go and fool around with other people when i already have mine. i made it clear that i belong to someone else.

if i was toying with you i would just let you be my boyfriend. let you think you have me when in actual fact im not. use you etc. and come one day and tell you i was just fooling around.

its a fucking inhumane thing to do.

so i got pissed. very pissed. with the stupidity of the boys that surround me.

i remember you telling me to ignore you.

with pleasure, i did. kthxbye.

and i do recall telling you. if someone irritates the shit out of me. i will fucking hate that person for life.

i am still quite annoyed today. for some reason.

maybe the feelings kinda carry forwards and stuff.

_______________________________________________

on the side note. i spent my morning watching a documentary on Jack the Ripper. kinda grew fond of him/her for some reason. and its been more than 100years since it happened and people are still argueing about his/her identity. the mystique of the whole identity of the killer makes the story all the more fun.

but after watching the documentary. i wonder why Jack stopped killing after his fifth victim. and i noticed he drew a circle around east london. (not relevant really jus something i spotted when they showed the places where the bodies were found).

believe it or not. i can use Jack the Ripper for GP under media. >D

time for P6 maths.

toodles,
Rach

** Two Hundred and Forty Five **

Note: This is a rant post. So if you're not here to read about my rants you can leave. kthxbye.

excuse my language. (if i do swear)

RANT #1 (SCHOOL)
i still call it school even if im already in college cuz it still feels like school. i wake up at 6 and come back at 4. school. minus the uniform and the rules on hairstyles and nails. just finished my mid terms. i guess i did make a resolution to improve after the recent bitch slap from semester one's year end test where i barely made it through my subjects.
so im pretty happy with my results for my recent test. thought looking back at the paper, i was so very careless. in other words i couldve done better. then again, i'd give myself a pat in the back for being able to maintain my 60 average again, even if it didn't mean a thing any more.
this isnt exactly a rant (not so violent yet).
well, im pretty happy for YoonVoon and John. ^^ maybe it's just me but its weird seeing you two together. (dont get me wrong if you guys are reading) YoonVoon started off so blur. funny seeing the two of you. makes me jelly sometimes.
HMPH!! I GOT CHERRIE!!! (lol)
ok so what MissJoanna (GP teacher) said during class the other day had its bits of truth in it. though i was really pissed with her pin pointing me. yes it was me who had a question as my thesis statement cuz it has never occured to me it could never be done and you never said it couldnt. and i didnt go and ask for extra marks. why'd you have to pin point me in class and tell me you couldve given me more marks. now that i think of it, maybe you gave me 69 just to piss me off. you know...the feeling you get when you are 1mark away from a better grade. yeah. fucked up feeling aint it?!

i guess it pretty much time to quit blaming the sucky education system in our country for our flaws. we have the internet on our hands unlike back in the days when we didnt. figured the education system aint gonna get any better. we should make do with what we have and stop waiting to be spoon fed (and we have a lot). not that i am on MissJoanna's side, but it is true that our english level is so LOW. take it from me who speaks english as my first language, when i took that UNESW (hopefully spelled it correctly. its an english test from australia btw) english test when i was in form5, hell it was hard shit man. i got credit though (barely).

typical human nature to blame others and never ourselves aint it?

time to change.

RANT #2 (HOME)
my bad if you're reading this and think im trying to provoke you (this goes to u dad). but this is freedom of speech, even if freedom is never absolute. so if those who have following my facebook updates, i did post up something saying i'd quit cosplaying.
i dont know. but at that point i posted that status it dawned to me that what i have been trying to do had been a losing war all this while. here's how i see it. there's a shoot tomorrow which i am dying to go after hell of a week. so as usual i asked for permission. here's where part one of the drama started. i told the truth. and as expected my parents got worried. and they made it clear to me the fact of the odds of someone kidnapping me / rapping me / selling me off to prostitution etc. so to me it was an obvious NO that was no use fighting for a YES.
the fact is. i do not know how to explain why cosplayers have photoshoots. its just something we do. and my dad saw this photoshoot as a petty reason to parade around town. puhleezzeee...if i wanted to parade so badly i'd be dressed in cosplay going to college and everywhere else i went.
then i had a thought. why was it ok when i said i'd be going out with people from college or school?! i mean, the rapist kidnapper issue NEVER comes out when i go out with these people. i dont know. i just bummed i couldnt go for the shoot tomorrow. was so looking forward to it.

i know you guys worry bout me and care for me. but sometimes it gets on my nerves how protective you guys can get. dont get me wrong, when im a mother someday i might jus do the same thing. so i'd go on a fit for some time and then just brush off the fact that i couldn go for it. i know you guys love me and are only looking out for whats best for me. (im saying all this so that PEOPLE will not come and tell me the same shit i already know)

simple.

but seriously. it does irritate me A LOT.

RANT #3 (FACEBOOK)
People who randomly add:
I'm sorry you're retarded and do not understand the fact that unless i know you i will NOT ACCEPT your friend request. i'm not those people who race to get thousands of friends on facebook and then later on complain about having so many people on their friend list they dont know. i'm not those dumb ass idiots. it's like spitting gum on the ground and stepping on the same gum and ranting about it. purely idiotic. and giving me a reason such that you like cosplay so you add me cuz im a cosplayer. since when has it dawned to you just cuz you like cosplay it makes you entitled to be my friend. sorry. but you'd have to go to some other idiot cosplayer to be accepted cuz i will not accept you bloody request.

i know i can jus ignore the request. but this is a rant.

and if you jus keep pm-ing me that just makes you an desperate ass hole.

People who click those stupid links:
out of 900+ friends on my facebook a handful of you guys are dumb enough to click on the links that go around popping up on my chat like that msn virus shit. its fucking annoying ok?! how dumb do you have to be continually do it? and now there's some other lame porn links that the bunch of perverts click. i guess i laughed a bit at those. its like "HAHA YOU PERV!!" lol. but one i got the most today is some invitation for a dislike button. OBVIOUSLY it isnt real. and it pisses me off cuz it like creates and event and pm me and invites me. its irritating! ive ignored like 10invites so far. i have so many dumb asses on my friendlist.

how annoying facebook has become.

Facebook chat fluctuating:
i dont know. but facebook chat has become like some radioactive decay. it randomly becomes offline and online again and again. and this is irritating when i actually WANT to chat with someone but i cant send our my message cuz it is offline. and then it goes back online for 5seconds. FIVE FUCKING SECONDS. and within that time frame you havent even typed finish what you wanted to say it goes offline again. one of the reasons why i am no fan of facebook chat.

facebook chat = radioactive decay.

TEEHEE ♥

Rach.

** Two Hundred and Forty Four **

apologies to my darling readers. (checking stats) either you guys constantly check my blog hoping i'd update or you guys just like dropping by. i kinda expected my views to drop drastically since i stopped blogging constantly. ok enough with the long winded explanations.

i decided to blog today cuz people have asked me for the kazillion and one-th time this question and i honestly never know how to answer.

Why do i take picture? (or anything related to photography)



i started photography as something of an interest. not to say i planned for it to be a serious hobby like it has become now. i just found the love of capturing the bits in pieces of life. a certain self satisfaction when i capture emotions in my pictures.


not forgetting the people who made their way into my life. =3


frankly speaking i do not know why i took up photography. it just happened.

not to say i am a pro at it. every photographer has their way of taking photos and their favourite subjects of photography. well, i take practically anything. XD

i like taking pictures of nature. one of the reasons why i wanted a macro lens. since i was a kid (god i sound so old XD) i always had this thing with nature. or maybe it was all that tv i watched during that time. things on tv can make nature the most amazing thing ever! =D


sometimes. there's just perfection within all that ruble.

i wonder what my pictures say bout me...=3

dont lie...i know this made you smile...>D

______________________________________________

another question is:

Whether i liked taking pictures or having my pictures taken better?

LOL. honestly. i never saw being a model(thats whut u call someone who gets their pictures taken) as part and parcel of something that i'd get hooked on. not that i saw myself as someone who was picture perfect. (i look ugly at some angles). i dont mind having my pictures taken.

photographers got to practice one way or another. if they ask me, i dont mind.

but given a choice to be photographed or be the photographer.

i'd be the photographer. OwO

________________________________________

see...short update...><

i dont really wanna update cuz then i'd end up posting some emo post and get all of you guys worried...^^

but since i have something to mumble about today...might as well...^^

Lots of love,
Rach

** Two Hundred and Forty Three **

(sorry chemistry i have to do this first)
(picture stolen from rei chan's blog cuz i have no other picture of him)

GOOD MORNING, CHILDREN. ♥

ah i cant remember the last time i dealt with someone significant in my life leaving and knowing they're never coming back.
so this is in loving memory of Mr. VJ. who was my sejarah tuition teacher when i was in form5. the funniest and the best history teacher that ever walked on the face of the earth ♥.

he passed away this morning from liver cancer.

and i didn get the chance to thank him for the A in my sejarah for SPM. and to tell him how great of a teacher he is. T^T

His many quotes:

"st.mariamammamiakochiwawayamachichi!"

"malaysia terdiri daripada cina, melayu, india, sakai, kokai and pokai."

"XXX bomb YYY so YYY hamchoi!"

"girls are good, boys are better."

"girls are good, boys are...?"
"BETTER!!"
"don't look at me, i didn't say that, i'm innocent."

(yea. the emphasis on how boys are better. :'D)

"itu semua BULLSHIT punya."

"...right or not, girls?"
"nooooooo..."
"aiya. girls always say no but inside they mean yes..."

♥♥♥

and some closer to my personal memories. ♥

"Good morning class."
"Afternoon la sir..."
"Kat jepun morning whut..."

"...sebab hiroshima kena atomic bomb. nenek datuk ayah abang adik cucu moyang dia semua lari masuk sini sebab rumah dah ham choi..."
"mana ada!!! O_O"
"ada la...pastu satu hari datuk moyang dia kat lombong tgh lombong bijih timah pastu tersengaja nmpk...HUAAAAA...ha...pastu kahwin la..."
"=____="
"tu la pasal kita ada Kong dalam kelas...ha Kong?"
"har?"
"bila mau balik jepun..."
"=___="

♥♥♥

sigh. i found out thru rei chan bout his death. or else i wouldnt even know he passed away. life is funny sometimes. i only know Mr. VJ for one year which was in 2009. he only thought me for one year. but within that one year, sitting through his classes, was one of the happiest hours of my life.

Mr. VJ is a happy man who loves teaching. ♥ and no doubt he is loved by all his students. (unless youre really those sour face study geeks who cant take a joke) he taught a subject where MOST students would fall asleep in class (cuz i did) but somehow i never felt sleepy in his class. in fact he kinda made me like history for once. which i considered something quite impossible to do.

ah i got to brush this off and go back to studying my chemistry.

i ♥ u, Mr VJ. ^^

thanks a bunch for all you have taught me =D

lots of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Rach

** Two Hundred and Forty Two **

These are Japanese Ema(絵馬) boards.
These are small wooden plaques where people write their prayers and wishes. then are hung at shrines for the gods to receive them. ^^

i meant to blog about this earlier but i havent found the time. ive got time now. somewhat multitasking while watching tv at the same time. ^^

we are aware that japan was hit by an earthquake of magnitude 8.9 on Friday, March 11, which brought to a lot of death and problems that are happening and more to come. and although there are some parts of the world or at least the minority of the world's population that couldn't find in the tiniest bit of their hearts to be sympathetic about japan's current situation, the world continues to help whenever they can. ^^

i am malaysian but sadly i am ashamed of what malaysia is doing with this situation. first of all, the ultraman comic art published on berita harian.

this is for one a very insensitive joke. i dont see how berita harian could publish such a thing. are they not aware that this kind of work brings up a lot of sensitive issues. people in japan are struggling to survive and manage with the damage that the tsunami has left them and here we are, making fun of it. and what more do we expect for the nation of our leaders and celebrities (which are considered to be role models of the country) themselves are insensitive towards this situation that hit japan.

Twitted by one of our malaysian actors.

how can she say that this tsunami is god's way of punishing the japanese for mindlessly building up their country without caring for the environment?! so she's saying god is punishing all those who does not care for the environment?? then im sorry to say then majority of those in this world should be punished. Japan has a well developed train system that MOST of all japanese people use it to get to anywhere and everywhere. if it wasnt the train, they'd cycle for closer distances or they'd just walk. how is that not environmentally friendly compared to malaysia where almost every Malaysian family has either a car or a motorcycle and we pratically drive everywhere. and Japan has its fair share of beautiful parks which are very well taken care of compared to those in Malaysia.

however i am for one happy that people around the world are still doing what they can to help japan.
Youtubers :
NigaHiga // KevJumba // VictorKim // Chester See // MikeSong
Really appreciate what you guys are doing ^^ real cute. =3

Shane Dawson

love you guys for all the efforts in helping the japan when most of the world is being cruel about the situation.

then there's this thing on the internet saying NOT to donate to japan.
>> click me <<

another thing i found cute >> socks for japan <<

well whether or not the people reading my blog decide to be sympathetic towards japan. or whether i do actually help by blogging about japan. at least i can help japan the very least i can. well donation links are at the bottom of the post. ^^ feel free to help in whatever way you can.

although there are still people in the world who find it pointless to help japan. or maybe they see the tsunami as a punishment (some sort of god's might) for all their cruelty during World War II or the NanKing massacre, mainly the wrong doing of their ancestral past. (so sue me for my lack of general knowledge)

i wonder why all the politicians are safely home or placed somewhere while the rest of japan are trying to settle the situation at hand. yes they send their condolences for death and what nots. but why are they sitting behind the microphone and not out there helping. not that im bitching bout the japanese government or anything.

but in this situation, it becomes every man for himself.

anyhow. here are the donation links. ^^

DONATION LINKS:
1. Red Cross:
Text "redcross" to 90999, and you can make a $10 donation
>> click here <<

2. Save the Children:
Tweet: @savethechildren for updates
>> click here <<

3. World Vision:
TEXT text "4japan" to 20222 to send a $10 donation
Tweet: @Worldvisionusa for updates
>> click here <<

4. Citizen Effect:
Follow @ericschmidt for updates (Google's CEO)
>> click here <<

5. American Humane Association:
Tweet @americanhumane for updates
>> click here <<

so here i write my wishes ( cuz i didn get the chance to when i was in japan and has nothing significant to really wish for )
i hope Japan heals from this disaster and although the situation seems to worsen as seconds past. i hope for the best for Japan at this time of tragedy. not that i can do much. though i wish i could do more.

cant imagine my life without anime and manga and japanese music. OAO!!

Lots of love,
Rach