28 November 2009

you flick the switch. dump yourself on the couch. grab the remote on the way and place pressure on the infamous red button as you fall. the black screen in front of you comes alive.

"...And for today's weather forecast..."

you roll your eyes. wondering who in the world was the person before you. of all the useless channels in the programme they had to choose to watch the weather forecast. you press the info. hoping to find something worthwhile to watch as the lady in the screen continues.

"...sunny..."

then you watch her hold her left ear. or was it her right.

"...Excuse me..."

you stare at the screen wondering what the hell was going on. all the sudden the weather forecast was interesting. the lady cleared her throat and started again.

"...Today's weather forecast is cloudy with a bit of sun shine..."

your face changed. what?! how could it be cloudy with a bit of sun shine. make up your mind news lady and th weather forecast people. it can only be cloudy or sun shine. how can it be a bit of both.

frustrated. you turn off the screen. leave the place. your feet brings you to the silent darkness of the kitchen floor. you pull open the door. the light goes on. the cool air gushes out. nothing in the freezer. you slam it shut and move the the lower door. you pull the door open. the light goes on. you feel a slight tinge of coolness in your face. you spot a packet drink. you grab it and shut the door behind you. the cold surface lingers on you finger tips as you exit the kitchen. you stopped. stared at the packet.

"...Less Sugar..."

why. you ask. all these "less sugar" crap was made and is made for people who have problems controlling their need for sugar that they take too much and now its all in their blood. you ignore the print. yank out the straw. push it through the plastic. bend it to a ninety degrees and stabbed it into the designated hole. the cold liquid enters your mouth. you feel the solution slowly travelling down your throat. there is sweetness.

you check the packet.

"...Less Sugar..."

you take another sip. it taste the same as the original ones without the print of "less sugar" on them. you gulp down the last drops of the drink and toss it into the bin. so much for "less sugar".

the house is empty. you check the sky. cloudy. you shrug and figured it was cloudy and not sun shine. the weather people just say both to nake sure people cant say they're wrong. you stare into the sky. hoping the clouds turn grey. hoping the heavens shower upon you. hoping it would wash away everything. everything.

you turn the knob and pull. the door creaks. you swing the door close behind you. the door creaks again. you spot your phone on the bed. you spot the comfort of just lying there doing nothing. closing your eyes. forgetting everything. everything. and never have to open again. you sit at your table. staring at your shelves. you push away the curtains. cloudy. theres that silence. you find yourself sitting the dark abyss of dead silence. all you need is a couple of tombstones and some wondering ghosts.

you picked up your phone. flick it open. the screen lights up. you snap it close. toss it on your bed. you follow along soon after. now you stare at the ceiling. not white. grey. and deep grey. you hated the nothingness you stared at. you sigh. and let out more than the usual amount of carbon dioxide into the air. you reach for your phone again. flick it open. snap it close. obviously you are expecting something. irritated. you dump your phone aside. close your eyes. and hope to never open them again.

you feel a slight vibration. the tune you set to ring breaks the silence you grew numb to. you open your eyes. flick your phone open. you have a new text message. you press view.

"...Dinner..."

you snap your phone and dump your phone again. twist the knob. pull open the door. it creaks and you shut it behind you. travel down the stairs. you go through the motion. wondering why everyone else feels different. it was like, they gave out an aura of the night fireworks at Disney Land and you gave out an aura of a meeting of math geeks doing nothing but math. you take spoon after spoon of food and shove it in your mouth. chews. and swallows it down. you finish everything and take your plate. dump it into the sink. take half a glass of water. and leave.

you sigh as you enter you room. turned on the lights.

you travel down. turn on the computer. hear it buzz to life.

after half an hour you were smiling. you dont know why. but...

"...Today's weather forecast is cloudy with a little bit of sun shine..."

16 November 2009

"...you've only got 86400 seconds in a day to turn it all around..."

god i dont even know what to type. somehow the closer it gets to SPM the further i am away from my books. day in day out i try to cramp things into my brain. honestly it doesnt work. so i'm stuck praying something i know comes out. i spent my morning stdying for a bit and then i started camwhoring again. i am in no position to draw. time like this when i jus want to fall asleep and never wake up. close my eyes and never open them. catch my breath and never exhale. lay static on the cold marble floor.

its amazing how i'm finishing school. how 11 years just flew by. how SPM is just few days away. how time flies. thank you for all the birthday wishes and staying up to wish me. somehow this feels like the worst birthday i've ever had. not because i didnt get to celebrate it. i sorta did with my family. not because i lack of presents. i dont really mind the presents. not because my friends arent around.

this is the one birthday. i wasn't laughing. i couldnt smile.

i cried. and slept.

and asked god why did he give me another day to live.

i wasn't sleeping at 12.30. for some whose phone call i didnt pick up.

my nose was clogged and i couldnt speak.

sorry.

well i sang myself a birthday song before breaking down.

no actually i broke down halfway.

blew my imaginary cake.

went to sleep.

i guess i'll try to force my other half to study. i'm talking to myself more and more often now. its like...

"study rachel"
"tired la.."
"cannot tired all..SPM coming.."
"later la...lemme rest first..."
"you wanna fail your SPM issit?!?!"
"no...i sleep for half and hour only...den i wake up study..."
"fine..fine..half an hour.."
[2hours later]
"shit..."
"half an hour eh?!"
"my bad..."
"study now..."
"shower la.."
[after shower, dinner]
"uhhh..."
"study now!!!"
"let the food digest first la..."
"studying doesn't affect digestion..."
"aiya...chill la..."
"what chill SPM coming la..."
"Fine fine!! Study!!"
[i study for 2hours]
"sleepy..."
"OI!!!"
"i tired ade la...need to sleep"
"study la you...whole day wasted..."
"i study tomorrow la..."
[i sleep]

so practically i'm fighting with myself everyday.

honestly i dont think i'm sane anymore.

shesh.

i'm hungry.

so much for a "happy" birthday.

03 October 2009

i feel so irritated with my trials results. everything is a bit more to another grade. its so freaking irritating. and it's not like my A1's are any high as well. i think all my marks dropped.

dont say its cuz i didnt study. i did.

how the hell am i upposed to apply for ANYTHING with results like this. i have like two B3 four A1 three A2. i think. and i havent got back my sejarah.

oh pray hard i touch A2.

well i've got to start studying. and i have started i think. well im trying to start...xD

i feel like dying...

29 September 2009

i realize i need to update the lame book contents. it's reaching five pages long damn it.
brace yourselves.



Ramya: A popular formula.
Kong: A pope in a formula?!?!

Josephine: The curtain was hitting my head.
Ramya//Joanna: The curtain was sitting on your head?!
Theeviyah: The turtle?!?!

Ramya: Syarifah gimme a hug.
Theeviyah: What?! Gimme a fart?!

Lavania: Don't litter on me!!
Ramya: Uterine skin?!

Lavania: Sekolah rendah.
Umi: Gorilla?!?!

Kong: Pn. Suria
Theeviyah: Zuria?!
Kong: Kunia?!
Theeviyah: Zudia?!

Kong: Vermin
Theeviyah: Mermaid?!

Syarifah: *holds a scissors* Ramya! Ramya! I'm cutting air!!

[chem class]
Kong: Yellow pages. *flips Pelangi book* I think i'll call potassium tonight.

[chem class]
Pn. Grace: We have gold ring, gold plated ring...
Joanna: ...Gold fish.

Joanna: If you wanna buy expensive things it'll cost a bomb. if you wanna buy cheap things it'll cost a fart.

Theeviyah: Lava, i feel your kemaluan.

Bowie: How old is she ah?
Theeviyah: Shane?!?

Umi: How old is Theeviyah? 16 or 17 years old?
Syarifah: 150 years old.
Lavania: Chicken and peas in a bowl?!

Syarifah: She fels too much kemaluan ade.
Lavania: She ate too much tomatoes?!

Kong: *cuts theeviyah's hair*
Theeviyah: What's this?!
Kong: Eyelashes.
Theeviyah: What eyelash dropping?! Eyelash dropping season issit?!

Joanna: Just now we were looking at the sun. Then, a man walked by.
Pn. Judy: On the sun?!?!

Ramya: Choose.
Pn. Judy: Shoes?!
Theeviyah: Jews?!

[Bm class]
Kong: so if i play around your grandfather's grave i'll vomit grass.

Ramya: Theeviyah, pass me the book.
Theeviyah: Do i look like a salt bridge to you?!

Kong: i drank wheatgrass yesterday.
Ramya: what?! milk grass?!

Lavania: Manila. The place they make vanilla.
Syarifah: So manila card is from there.

[sejarah class]
Pn. Pari: Pro and Con.
Kong: Pro-aircond?!

Michelle: Toyol. Cousin of Toyota.

Syarifah: Orang minyak. The person who works at the petrol station.
Michelle: We're all orang minyak. See we produce oil. *squeezes nose*

JOanna: Don't spit!
Ramya: Capati?!

Joanna: Gimme that eraser NOW!!! *asking for duster*

Theeviyah: I have to challenge my brain with a sword.

Shangeeth: Liquid tone.
Ramya//KOng: Liquid Toad?!

Shangeeth: Wipe the whiteboard. No. No. No. Wipe the clean board. No. No. No. Clean the whiteboard.

[bio class]
Theeviyah: OH shit! Oh shit! she gonna check! How! *panics* Put in the sink! Put in the sink! *dumps her book in the sink*
Ramya//Kong: Yeah yeah as if she cannot see la Theeviyah.
Theeviyah: It's not my book. My name's not on it. *take her book* Oh SHIT! Its there!

JOanna: Your sister looka like you from the back. Just that she's shorter and you're longer.

Syarifah: Related.
Theeviyah: Naked?!
Joanna: Nathan?!

Sarah: Hantar bila.
Lavania: Ikan Bilis?!
Amirah: Amylase?!

Shangeeth: Membership.
Ramya: bird shit?!

Michelle: He's like my second boyfriend.
Theeviyah: Fallopian Tube?!

Syarifah: I love naga terbang. [dragonfly]

Rumput berlompat = Grasshopper

Ramya: Make love to the lab assistant.
Kamilia: Liebig?!
KOng: Diversity?!?

Shangeeth: if the water bag burst then how ah?!
Ramya: Water will come out la.
Theeviyah: Then what. Grape juice issit?!

Shangeeth: Nicely leaveing the key outside.
Ramya: What key?!
Kong: When you unlock the class la!!
Ramya: Since when?!?!
KOng: JUST NOW LA!!!
Ramya: Oh..

Pn. Judy: Birds perch on my window.
JOanna: Purge?! As in cirit-birit?!

Bowie: Waste paper.
Kong: Basket!!

Dudu: Your hand so small.
Dhila: Like a microorganism.

Theeviyah: Sejarah Hidup.
Lavania: Telescope?!
Theeviyah: Periscope?!

JOanna: She hit people very pain.
Ramya: She wear purple very pain?!

Syarifah: I'm just waiting for the moment.
Kong: Waiting for the roman empire?!

Ramya: donated a sperm.
Kong: What a sperm?! You wanna go and ask "who's michael Phelps put up ur tail?!"

JOanna: MOst people from Perak can Speak the Chinese Language.
Syarifah: My mother also can...She speak Char Kuey Tiao.

Ramya: Someone said my darling...
Theeviyah: Someone called my garlic?!

[bio class]
Pn. Chieng: Who has the sex chromosome Y?
KOng: Who has the sex chromosome's wife?!



and the cherry on top of the sundae

NEW CARTOON REGALITY POTRUSION BEST FRIEND

25 September 2009

spent a few hours editting my blog skin again.

and the intenet's getting on my nerves damn it.

well i'm gonna start studying next month. seriously. i dont know how many times have i actually said that but have never actually put myself to do it. it's one more month before SPM. just a final hurdle and then i'll sit for SPM. after that i do not know what's going to happen to me.

whatever it is.

spent my day at IKEA today. while my sister hung out at 1U with her friends. i kept taking all the pencils. i cant help it. i like free stuff. and i took exactly 17 pencils. how cool is that. for those who have NEVER shopped at IKEA. you have to jot down what you wnat to buy and collect them yourself later. so my parents did that. then i was dragging out the boxes and stuff. it's not like i was struggling to do so. doesn't mean i'm a girl i can do heavy work you know. what do i look like some spoilt brat who has never done a day of work in her life.

MSN is giving me frustration. cant even blooody connect to the webcam.

what the fuck is wrong with you msn.

and then my sister was pissed cuz i called to to come early. when she could've stayed a few more minutes with her friends. hello. dad ask me to call so i call. then i tell her that we're waiting for her. and she hung up then only dad said 15minutes later la. so she came and my dad told her she could've stayed 15 minutes more. and she got pissed. cuz i called her back early. then in the car she stole one of my IKEA pencils. so i told her to give it back and she did. so i grabbed it. and stabbed her with the other 16pencils so that she'd let go.

there was blood.

skipped dance class today. went to had fook keen mee and "lala". ended up feeding the mosquitoes along the way. the bloody bitch bit my toe damn it. do you know how hard it is to scratch there?!

that useless bitch.

owh well...i guess i'd hit the hay after this post...

it's almost 2.

and sadly i have tuition tomorrow.

20 September 2009

tick tock. time's against me now.

SPM's in a month's plus time and i proud to say I AM NOT PREPARED.

somehow i just wished i could stay in school. yeah maybe the load of homework sucks and how the teachers tend to be bitches at times. and the worst case is where we'd have to get up early. drag ourselves out of bed and go to school.

i hate making decisions.

and right now i HAVE to make decisions. and honestly i do not know what to do. what to think. so dad wants me to do Form6. and my "awesome" mother just signed me up for some kerajaan marticulation programme. and if i do get it...i'm gonna be sent away. gosh i sound so dead blogging today.

honestly i feel really messed up right now.
so mum thinks i talk differently from how i act. or whatever she means. i do not understand. its not i dont care. its i dont want to care. i dont want to give a damn what the world has instored. i dont want to give a damn what anyone thinks. i dont want to give a damn anymore.

i'm so sick and tired of giving everyone a damn.

SHUT UP STUPID PLAYER!!!! sorry...i'm going nuts...

well i screwed up my trials if that's what you're asking. surprisingly i got LOWEST for Physics paper3. when i saw the paper i was like WTF. i got like 2/10 for my experiment. 2/10. i was expecting my bio to be the lowest.

chemistry is saved thanks to Pn Grace's teaching *bows*

i dont feel like going back to school. and get back all my papers. and see how badly i did. heck if i cant even get through trials how the fuck am i gonna get through SPM. and no doubt for the next month or so everyone is gonna bug me about SPM. of how SPM is coming and how SPM determines my future. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

puhleeezeee...tell it to someone who doesnt know.

i think this is the millionth time i've said i'd go and study.

honestly i haven't been studying. except for the last minute cramping.


i dont know why. everything feels so messed up right now. i just want to crawl back into my burrow and stay there. i dont care how long it takes for the storm to pass.

i dont want to dance in the rain.

04 September 2009

i've been staring at this empty box for hours.

i have no idea what to blog.


the past few days my room stunk. not because of me. some stupid rat died in the roof above my room. so the stench traveled down into my room. which obviously stunk like hell. have you ever smelled dead rat?! it stunk so bad merely opening the door would make you feel like puking. so i had to go into my room and get my stuff and sleep in my parent's room last night. my room stil stinks a bit. not as bad. sure it'd die off soon.

i had no idea climbing a ladder was so darn scary.



well i wont be bloging much anymore. there's 2 more months before SPM. after that i'd be online 24 7. for now i've got to study...

cheh...
easier said than done...